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2005 (450)
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_____________________________________
From Jerusalem to the Dead Sea
My heart heavy as the unheard prayers
---
It
Carried me
The way the waterOf the Dead Sea holds
My body now
:
Floating on its dead eye-god-ness
What’s beneath it is mystery :
About this body of flesh
There is no mystery when
The soul finally takes its flight
---
From Jerusalem to the Dead Sea
I swim in the broken songs
Of the pilgrims :
Unidentified by time
Undifferentiated in names
---
Where is my “God?”
If I don’t have one
Then why pain is so real
Love so profound?
(. . . . . . . . . . . . . . )
From Jerusalem to the Dead SeaIn dreams and my waken hoursI yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
: :
Z.Z./2006
:)
Not in WXC?
Hi, friends!
Due to some technical problems, I have moved to 作舟博客...
This will be a sweet place for memory and footsteps....:)
Hope to see you there!!!
Thank you!!
同感!!!
beautifully done!!! even though i won't choose some of the words you did, but i like the tone in your version.... natural....unpretentious.....
"everything is interesting if you understand it...":)
這裏好熱鬧呀~~~又一首好詩
讓秋菱忍不住要來湊熱鬧：
==================================
從耶路撒冷到死海
我沉重的心好似無人注意的禱告
---
心
托著我
正如此刻
死海之水浮起
我的身體
：
漂浮在死神的眼波裏
眼波底部透著神秘：
而肉體本身
並沒有什麽秘密
隻要靈魂最終
肯展開雙翼
---
從耶路撒冷到死海
我漂浮在斷續的歌聲裏
唱著歌的朝聖者：
無人知道他們來自哪個朝代
無人記得他們的名和姓
---
我的‘上帝’在哪裏？
如果我沒有上帝
那為什麽
我的痛如此入骨
我的愛如此鑽心？
(……………)
從耶路撒冷到死海
不管是夢裏還是夢外
學會讓自己
行為有人關心
聲音有人注意 --- 哪怕是
在這看似無愛的
文字
死海
：：
Have fun & take care~~~
See you all again!
QL
:D
have a great wknd and 4th of July everybody!!!
thanks mermaid… i went back to China…
like your own interpretation too...and inspired....thanks...
zz: "poetry is reality"....when words are said/written in a way that has never been written before, they create an reality.....more or less the way air/light is reality.... you can feel it, but you cannot touch it....
AGREE!!!
“living in the real world of I Feel”…:)
Sorry that i can't type Chinese on here, and my ID "作舟詩集" is not working.....don't know why???
Does anyone have any ideas about how the blog designers control and monitor the infos.???
Really appreciate all of your comments/ideas/guesses/ opinions, etc....!!!!!
I am surprised --- or not surprised---this poem has struck some unheard notes in your heart and mind ....what a meaningful conversation!!!!I feel very lucky to have read your responses!!!
This reminds me of the frequent idea about poetry, that is "poetry is reality"....when words are said/written in a way that has never been written before, they create an reality.....more or less the way air/light is reality.... you can feel it, but you cannot touch it....
after making the confession, you know now that i am not a fan of "God"....so, SD, don't be afraid to tell people you are an atheist [many writers/artists i admire are atheists]
Mermaid, i really like your own interpretation, though i didn't think that much when writing it.....yes, it is a spiritual journey, more so than a physical one....
We see more and more people travelling around the world today, even to the outer space, but most of them only succeeded in trashing the landscape.....no?
Oh, mermaid, what is the score between Ity & Ukrn.??? I only watched Germany vs. Argtn.....great game!!!!
Cheers!!!!
I swim in the broken songs
Of the pilgrims :
Unidentified by time
Undifferentiated in names
From Jerusalem to the Dead Sea, people are numbers rather than individuals...there is an individual who is different from them because of his "crossed out" mark:)facing the world (the world of "the flat history/Of your own kind)...
"the unheard" --- the voice of love?
"love is the voice under all silences"...
"Love is nothing/But a moment of/peace –/Everything stops/For you –"
"the (water) of Dead Sea" --- human's mortal body...
"In dreams and my waken hours" --- real experiencing of being...
why "crossed out"? ...
surredering...?
forgiving the world not forgetting?
but still love....
"I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
: :
例如：未被聽到的祈禱，要比祈禱具有更強烈的感情噴薄色彩！因為未被聽到同時向讀者傳達出被忽略的意味，正好呼應了心的沉重！
同樣，in dreams and my waken hours, 強調了時間，時時刻刻。The … of the dead sea 強調了死海的水---一種具某種象征意義的水。
2) 詩歌中的
它：肉體
我：精神
上帝：真理，救贖
死海：死亡
3) 為何譯作聖城？
這首詩歌，可以照表麵意思理解為一種關於宗教的見解。也可以，並且實際上更是，借“宗教” 之名，探索人的精神，肉體，困惑，起源，歸宿，依托，死亡，體驗，愛，苦悶，痛苦，求索。宗教意義上的耶路撒冷，正是對應於每個人心中的各自的一座聖城，所有問題與疑惑的答案都歸於那裏。人們朝聖的過程正是尋求解答的過程。隻是，這個過程如此艱難，充滿了軟弱和信心的搖晃。
Where is my “God?”
If I don’t have one
Then why pain is so real
Love so profound?
真理，救贖在哪裏？如果你有愛，有痛，你就必須終生忍受著這個問題的苦苦煎熬。
4) 因為個體的渺小，無力而感受到的被忽略，我發出了這樣的呼聲：
I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound
我要被(上帝，真理) 發現，
我的祈禱要被(上帝，真理) 傾聽！ 即使在這感受不到上帝的愛的文字的海洋裏。 這最後的一段正好呼應了首段的the unheard (未被聽到的祈禱)，有力地強化了主題！
謝謝你的喜歡。你的獨特見解也給了我很多啟發。。。
關於這首詩歌我有自己的想法，喜歡之極。可是現在我要看意大利的比賽，等2個小時之後我再寫吧。。。和大家交流真的長見識呀！稍後。。。
我心沉重，如未被聽到的祈禱
---
它
載著我
正如死海之水
此時
輕擁我身
：
浮遊在死亡之眼
它的深處乃是神秘：
有關這肉體
當靈魂最終始於飛翔
神秘便不複存在
---
從聖城到死海
我漂浮在朝聖者
破碎的歌聲裏：
於時間裏迷失了身份
於名字裏模糊了麵容
---
在哪裏能找到
我的“上帝”？
如果我相信虛無
那為什麽
痛，竟如此真實
愛，竟如此深厚？
(……………)
從聖城到死海
夢裏，夢外
我仍舊必須學會---
被發現
被傾聽
---
即使在死亡的文字的
無愛的海洋
裏
"Unheard" - Argentina
"Heard" - Germany
through the fleshly gate, soul embraces a universal soul and returns to its source. If incarnation exists, then what's incarnated is not flesh but Spirit.
just a thought:)
I can only spy into some tree leaves in this vast new forest,
“the unheard prayers”
Unheard? Who (“God”) is listening and responding? If he/she/it was not there, would heard or unheard really matter? If so, why not cross the word out? (my guess)
Dead Sea -- broken songs (Un-identified + Un-differentiated ) -- loveless dead Words
Human’s grave “reality” ?
"Where is my “God?”
If I don’t have one
Then why pain is so real
Love so profound? "
天問!!!
"The soul finally takes its flight"
… …
sd, i like WX's "word behind bars:)"comments too...
this "cross out"...i like zz this kinds of typograhical or perhaps linguistic innovation in his poems so much...more meaningful and luminous to me...
...artistic growth and developmnet...
zz simply bacame more zz...:)
不可能吧，我怎麽讀著我的翻譯，就找出好些個不良的地方來了，清楚地好象在豆
腐裏找到了韭菜
This "cross out" is like a footprint of a poet's thought process, it is
like a bamboo curtain, making the underlying mind more appealing...hehe..
水滴，朦朧，朦朧，朦朧 ：)
Is the body death a real ending of the existence??
- > existence of what? FLESH？OR NON-FLESH？ 繼續討論了
逗玩的：)
WHen I first read this piece, I didn't analyze the meanings, only feel a flow of energy running.
Then I saw zf, yy and wx's comment. Very much impressed by your linguistic talents. Especially impressed by wx's comments,"Word behind bars :) Words appearing and disappearing in the same time - Meaning appearing and disappearing in the same time", A profound thoughts and feeling provoking comment!
This "cross out" is like a footprint of a poet's thought process, it is like a bamboo curtain, making the underlying mind more appealing...hehe..
//
When read carefully by using the cues that yy and zf provide, connecting Dead to Body and Sea (water) to Soul. Dead Sea becomes a very interesting metaphor. Is the body death a real ending of the existence??
//
A confession too. I don't dare to say that I am a atheist, but I am definitely not a believer and follower of any organized religion..:)
thanks zz, look forward to your own version!! :)
and WX's version:)
and merimaid's version:)
you know that i know what you mean....trust your words....
i was just kidding.... :) thanks guys!
speaking of China, i am not sure where it's headed --- a military/economic super power with a extrememly conservative gov.??
it is not a time for individual creativity, but mess productivity ... which easily turns human beings into machine parts .... of course, a small number of people become filthy rich and give a false signal to the rest of the nation....a air-conditioned nightmare, so to speak!
We drink the milk in your poetry and
Our mind turns into greenery!
:)
I like your words: " i don't think my own feelings/intentions are that important in terms of understanding a poem in your own way.....the more important/critical is to get the "message" crossed...."
------------------------------ That's also what I believe when I write or read poems.
The friends' comments are so deep and fresh that they inspire me to think more...
just saw your post.....and, wow!!
you are not flattering me, are you?? :)
i have been "observing" you and happily to have found that you are serious about art/poetry/truth, etc....
so......thank you my friend!!
all of your feedback makes me speechless....and inspired....
i love what WX wrote on the crossed out lines.....very objective and trained..... as a matter of fact, i didn't think too much when i left them in the final version....both YY and ZF's interpretaions are also valid...
i don't think my own feelings/intentions are that important in terms of understanding a poem in your own way.....the more important/critical is to get the "message" crossed....
i hesitated to use the word "God" because i am an atheist (big confession :) --- hope you are not surprised or disappointed..... :))
however, the english language is a very religious language.... if you pay attention, you'll find the english speakers cannot finish a thought without mentioning "God" or the Bible.... :))))
cheers.....stay cool verybody!!!!
ZF，WX，YY的評論非常之精彩，多重角度的解讀，將詩歌向縱深延展，成為欣賞這首詩歌必不可少的一部分！
我真正為今日中國(政治，經濟，文化)所擔憂的，是CREATIVITY的缺乏， 是產生CREATIVITY勇氣的缺乏。我最佩服和尊敬ZZ的，是他在追求詩歌的過程中的不斷的創新，和追求創新的所必須的熱情和勇氣。
試看被刪除的部分：
the unheard
the （water）Of the Dead Sea
In dreams and my waken hours
我理解這個部分恰巧是“人”聲，是 "人" 會死的肉身（“人是什麽？？？/百分之九十幾的水啊！！！），是“人”在夢與醒的時時刻刻。。。要將之刪除嗎? 僅僅是活在另一個世界裏嗎? "反認他鄉是故鄉"嗎? 詩人沒有主張沒有宣揚,但詩人對相對世界裏的外部世界態度很明顯,也就是YY說的:
"那暗含的就是任何時候，這樣或許詩歌也就非常
無形地回應了
I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
謝謝分享你們的見解。。。很喜歡。。。
真誠地表達“自己”對詩歌，對藝術的理解是我個人的堅持。。。
“equally。。。”並非“宗教”，但屬於我們個人對藝術對人生的視野。。。我理解藝術也可以說是對“自己”的不斷探尋。。。我們真的知道“自己”嗎？我們從哪裏看到？任何事物都需要參照物。。。你所看到的感知到的“自己”是從哪裏來？是從他人那裏照到“自己”還是真切地觸摸到了“自己”。。。信仰某個宗教的人是從他們的神的指示那裏來了解自己，而詩人沒有一個神，然而人類的疼痛和情感是相似的。。。所以重點是the hope of Redemption is [ ] (the poet’s own vision of art/life… ),
我理解“死海”暗含我們的肉身終有一死，而“自己”因為“自己”的靈魂卻無盡。。。
About this body of flesh
There is no mystery when
The soul finally takes its flight
。。。
I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
我想這首詩歌的深度和力度是顯而易見的，有許多讓我震動之處，它甚至包含了藝術的內涵，更是詩人的視野。。。
被“刪”的文字留在詩歌裏是最具意味的，我們讀到了什麽，也暗含了我們“自己”的理解和視野。。。“簡單清澈”。。。
非常喜歡這首詩歌，謝謝分享。。。
"Crossed out" does attract a lot attention in the body of the poem.
My initial guess that the “crossed out” may indicate,
1. Signify from the form of Edited/Editing
Words were there in previous versions but the poet has decided to remove them because they are incorrect or impropriate or useless or changing idea or limiting or any other reason. The trace of the editing process does leave a history of thought/feeling which makes the poem interesting. This form could signify something blueprint in human's thought experience in general.
2. Negating
Intentionally stress that what the “crossed out” words' mean is not true.
3. Hiding/Obscuring
Word behind bars :) Words appearing and disappearing in the same time - Meaning appearing and disappearing in the same time.
“Words
come and go
in the perfect
stillness of
the hour..."
YY and ZF has answered my question.
Thanks ZZ for sharing the interesting poem!
個人覺得，這些被“刪”的字，詞，句，也折射出詩人的沉思的過程，就象從“DRAFT”
到“FINAL VERSION”。這些被刪的，在某種程度上就是刪掉了那些修飾詞，與拿走
了限定的意義。譬如the water，Of the Dead Sea 拿走了定冠詞，與介詞詞組，水，
就具有很廣更深的含義，從飄浮在死海之上，身體所經曆的，眼前所見到的，到那
看不到的水，靈魂，“水”就發生了質的變化。
In dreams and my waken hours
連“夢與清醒的時刻”都給刪掉，那暗含的就是任何時候，這樣或許詩歌也就非常
無形地回應了
I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
這是一首非常有力度的詩歌！！！ 我想它和宗教沒有關係的，而是“宗教”本給世
界所產生的ILLUSION或者象征“意義”- - - 耶路撒冷的聖城下麵血腥，死海既，沒
有生命，也沒有死亡！而人的靈魂與肉身的交織所形成的一個雷同的神秘；在每一
個謎的下麵，拿了那攪和人心的，也可以是那樣的簡單清澈。。。
Hi, SD
...try to share my understanding with you...
I think the “crossed out” lines left in this poem makes the poet’s linguistic way more meaningful and luminous… it may implied that there is another version of the world – equally archetypal, equally religious – that says that the hope of Redemption is [ ] (the poet’s own vision of art/life… ), you can get it from his writing…
從耶路撒冷到死海
我的心情沉重
如同聽不到的祈禱
---
此刻
它載著我
以死海之水的路途
托著我的身體
：
漂浮在它無生命的上帝-的-眼神
下麵是神秘：
當靈魂最終振翅
這具肉身沒有神秘
---
從耶路撒冷到死海
我遊弋在朝聖者
破碎的歌聲：
未能以時間辨明
未能以名字區分
---
我的“上帝”在哪裏？
如果我沒有一個神
為何疼痛如此真
愛如此深？
(. . . . . . . . . . . . . . )
從耶路撒冷到死海
在夢與我清醒的時時刻刻
我仍在學著自我探尋健全 -- 即使
在沉悶的文字
無愛的海洋
之中
: :
SD, where have you been? is everything ok??
------the cross lines mean "crossed out" ---- :)
cheers to you all!
從耶路撒冷到死海
心 沉如聽不到的禱告
－－－
它
攜帶著我
以死海之水 此時
抱住我身體的
方式
：
浮遊在它死眼的－神－聖
之下－是神秘：
靈魂展翅的那一刻
再也沒有
關於肉身的神秘
－－－
從耶路撒冷到死海
我遊弋在朝聖者
斷續的歌聲中：
不能被時間確認
不能以名字區別
－－－
“上帝”在哪裏？
如果我不相信
那為什麽 痛如此真實
愛如此深刻？
(. . . . . . . . . . . . . . )
從耶路撒冷到死海
在夢與清醒的時刻裏
我仍在學著完善
自我 - - - 即使
在沒有生命的文字
無愛的海洋
之中
hi to sd
what a tragedy!! sighs.
Greetings to all the friends here.