After the party at the neighboring school, the doctor with long ponytail insists accompanying her back to her school that is about 500 m east. The street leading to her school is not well lit and some local buses will drop off fly-by-night people at this late hour. A huge pit at the construction site makes this short span of road more desolate and hazardous.
They did not know each other until the party was half swing. He is a Chinese doctor who has inherited all the knowledge on herbs and acupuncture from his deceased father. She, a nursing school teacher who has studied diligently both eastern and western medicine and medical science. He has met one of the American teachers who came to his tiny clinic across the street from the college. He took care of the foreigner’s neck pain and migraine. The Americans love the price he charges.
They talked for a good hour and half at the party thrown by an American teacher who was teaching English there. Now, out in the night, they feel refreshed by the cold air and carry on some small talk on the way back to her place. He seems to be more interested in her than she in him. He is attracted to her ability to speak the foreign language so fluently and the kindness in her voice, humble and never pushing.
When coming to a ditch, he jumped across like a teenager and then stretched his hand to her. She took his hand with a smile and thanked him after she landed by his side.
He told her he is married with a young daughter at home. And that’s that. They are both private people with few words. But they did make some friends at the party, Chinese and Americans who are teaching at colleges in the city. She didn’t mention a word about her personal life to him at the party. She spoke a lot of English with the Americans, which he didn’t understand at all. He didn’t have a college education. His knowledge is home style, so to speak.
“So, are you living on campus with your family?” He breaks the silence as they are passing the pit.
“Hmmm, yeah. My husband is in
“Wow! What is your husband doing in
“He’s sent by the government and getting a Ph.D in computer science.” She stresses on the P. H. D. like a young mother telling people her child’s name.
He is impressed by her husband’s story and has no idea that she is lying to him.
A year later, having seen each other many times at parties, he learns the fact that she is still single. It was her who told him that she protects herself by telling men about the non-existent marriage with an American-bound Ph.D.
She is almost forty now. He understands her situation, but he is a little surprised by what she confessed. Secretly, he feels somewhat a sense of triumph. There is the tone of sympathy in his words now. He even invites her out for dinner.
* * * * *
A year ago, when she met the American at the Christmas party held by both schools, she introduced herself to him gracefully. The tall American fell in love with her right away. He invited her over many times and she told him the same self-protecting lie she told the doctor. But she enjoys hanging around with foreigners because they treat her the way she wants to be treated.
One time, she went to a summer resort with the American and they camped outside that night. She felt the joy of a young girl and a strange kind of pride being protected and pursued by a tall American. Under the pregnant moon, they picnicked and told each other stories in English. She lied down with the American and they kissed.
Feeling the American’s heavy, gentle hand on her belly, she said regretfully that she didn’t want to go further than this because of her husband. They drank some more wine and stared at the starry sky. She let his hand touch her outside her white silken dress with yellow flowers, waist, arms and breasts. She put her head on his broad chest like a lost girl. They were both apparently aroused and were breathing heavily. His hand slowly crawled under her dress and as soon as it touched her naked thighs, she turned and sat up.
“No sex! I do not want sex!” She told the American, who was having the best moment in his life with this pretty Chinese woman.
“I am sorry! I don’t mean to . . . !” He apologized, blushing.
* * * * *
Some friends say that she is still single. She doesn’t go to parties any more. Some say that after her mother’s death in the countryside, she has found a part time job at a foreign trading company to make money. Teachers at the nursing school gossip about her, a fact she has known for a long time. But she is good at keeping herself busy doing two jobs, which is rare among women of her age. Sometimes, alone in her room, tears will come to her bright eyes, and she let them run over her cheeks and drop on her laps.
One night after seeing a movie together, the doctor walked her back again. Before they parted, he tried to kiss her. She didn’t refuse, but kept her lips closed. It was an awkward moment for him and got a little upset inside. She went inside the school and they never saw each other again.
:: Z.Z. 2006
thank you for the lively and thoughtful discussion!!!!
Emm. ZZ writes better when ......:))))
Art cannot exist without Love!!!
A lovely woman can live without Love .... but Love cannot stay without a lovely woman ....
Water is formless; Fear is shapeless; Humans are made of more than 90% of water.
Life without a "story" is not Life.
His-tory .... Her-story......”
I like these words a lot!!!!
"What is imagination?"
"Perhaps it is a shadow of the intangible truth, perhaps it is the soul's thought!"
人生最怕的是沒有想像力，沒有夢。。。
:)
i think i said it that the reason i wrote this was because "she" was real and unreal at the same time....
Confession: "She" was based on some facts about one person i used to know....
Truth: Fiction is more real than reality!!
Mask: real people wear masks too, and the more "real" they seem, the
better "mask" they wear ... don't we all know such people around us??
Fiction: Truth + Imagination
Love is nothing without imagination!
Art cannot exist without Love!!!
A lovely woman can live without Love .... but Love cannot stay without a lovely woman ....
Water is formless; Fear is shapeless; Humans are made of more than 90% of water.
Life without a "story" is not Life.
His-tory .... Her-story......
Cheers!!!!
我主要是給自己惹麻煩，很偶爾也給別人惹麻煩。多數都不是故意的！嘿嘿。。
哇，水滴，你對自己的評價好高啊！:))
"Every genuine one is a rebel and an anarch..."
"The true educators are the adventurers and wanderers..."
“你是一個“student of life”嗎” 我不知道。 可能是永遠的惹麻煩的人吧！：））
YY說的很好，好的作者都會“let the character play her own self which makes the story real。。。”
"世事洞明皆學問，人情練達即文章"，如果作者沒有洞明世事的能力，故事或人物便不會讓讀者感覺real，而是會讓人感覺主觀。。。要不然怎能寫出個“她”來費我們這麽多口舌。。。:)
還是引用一下莊子：“以道觀之，物無貴賤。以物觀之，自貴而相賤。以俗觀之，貴賤不在己。以差觀之，因其所大而大之，則萬物莫不大；因其所小而小之，則萬物莫不小；知天地之為稊米也，知豪末之為丘山也，則差數矣。以功觀之，因其所有而有之，則萬物莫不有；因其所無而無之，則萬物莫不無；知東西之相反而不可以相無，則功分定矣。以趣觀之，因其所然而然之，則萬物莫不然；因其所非而非之，則萬物莫不非；。。。”
也就是作舟說“however, no single answer is 100% correct, remember!!”
我讀來覺得細致自然，並且喜歡文字的那種“flow”。。。因為我是“以趣觀之，因其所然而然之。。。”，自然也就讀到那些 "signs"。。。因為這是一篇“微型小說”。。。
I can not say. As we already know, character is fate.
When I said her freedom comes from “foreignness”, I had the feeling that she feels more comfortable to stay away from others and keep to herself - - - this feeling indeed should be similar to what we have when we go to a new place, everything can start over.
I love to read it as a story and author did not create a character based on what he wanted, but let the character play her own self which makes the story real.
Hmmmm...a good exuse for the elusive.......:))))
//
YY potraits "she" as an "independent" woman. I am wondering whether the "independence" is her prefered choice or it is merely an escape, a forced choice.....
Is "she" a free woman or a martyr??
但是很顯然，作舟在這篇小說裏“別有用心”地留了一些“signs”。。。“that is also the most interesting element of fiction”.....
如果繼續討論，我隻對這些“signs”感興趣。。。
:)
1. Fall in love/lust?
Love is not saying "i love you, i burn you" . . . love is not an excuse for everything and it cannot be; love is not for saying; love is beyond "standards". . .Do "you" think that "you’re the one who knows love or "you're" in love just because "your" marital status is checked with "married" on all the forms and laws announce that "you" can have a routine of sex life and kids are legitimately born?
2. Two cultures
She is between two cultures. i will not use Chinese or woman or certain period of her life to define who she is; but for sure, she is an individual with courage to be alone or stay single, i can sense the pressure upon her: gossiping. How many people around us in real life can defy the rules set by others? Most of the time, we sound very "smart" - - - commenting "wisely" to whatever happens to others and but surrendering to whatever fall on us in reality.
3. Inner world
She is very strong and not emotionally depending on anyone else, but she can be weak too because she is a human being. That's what i love the story the most. She is human! this is where "unknown" comes from!!! a great source!
4."Jie shen zi hao"
This phrase is too harsh!!! Toll the funeral bell for the damned and rusty Confucius dogma deeply rooted in our culture. We've created norms to follow a standard and stay safe!!! A women can "pour dirty water" easily to another woman to prove her own chaste!!!
Finally, i want to say that z.z. successfully portrayed a real woman, an un-heroic heroine . . . a face among faceless though the story never says what she looks really like . . .
thanks!
:)
:)
i am happy to see your differenr reactions to it....however, no single answer is 100% correct, remember!!
the "Story" does not need an "answer"....
i know better than "exploring" her story deeper...that would be less subtle and imaginative...
:)
your comments are all interesting~~thanks....keep them coming!
LTG was deliberately avoiding to explore "she" in deeper level. Maybe LTG is afraid of something or he can't understand "she"!:)) The issues are worth to be explored further......
:))
"愛就愛，不愛就不愛，有那麽模糊嗎？愛，想都不用想，自自然然，簡簡單單".....
it is easier said than done!!!
i don't understand either ....otherwise i won't write it :)))
thanks for the comments!!!
happy Friday, everybody!!!
不愛人家又和別人單獨跑去Summer Resort，夜晚又在外麵安營紮寨和人家曬星星曬月亮的，水滴，你是不是覺得很不可思議，所以我說她“潔身自愛”是引號。。。所以對你來說，“maybe "she" did fall in love with the American guy....maybe not....:)” 你沒有想那麽多maybe，對不對？
愛就愛，不愛就不愛，有那麽模糊嗎？愛，想都不用想，自自然然，簡簡單單。。。難怪我到這把年紀才能看得懂點兒不少從前看不懂的書。。。慚愧慚愧。。。
since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
。。。
thank you as always for chipping in ideas!!!
i think you are trying to say the "unknown"....or what Paz said about poetry as "signs/secret between the meaningful and the meaningless"...
we think we know, but do we really know? :)
s.d.,
maybe "she" did fall in love with the American guy....maybe not....:)
for example, it is not clear in the story if the American guy is married or has many girlfriends, etc....it is not clear either what the American "loves" about her....right?
of course, i am not interested in writing the usual "love stories"....
love all your feedback......!!!!!
one of the reasons i write fiction is because the stories won't leave me....:)
but, in fiction, the write does not need to make "judgements" .....it is Life..... and what is good or not-so-good depends on the readers' interpretation..... that is also the most interesting element of fiction.....
for example, i don't have answers to "her" as far as her personal and love/sex life are concerned...... that is how "she" lives....the choices "she" makes.....
y.y., thank you for sharing your poem again......it does sound a little like what's going on in a person's head like hers.....
:)
燃燒
眼睛
閉與睜之間
或許瞬息
或許一生
你的青春
花季裏
沒有綻放的
苞蕾
一切
緩緩沉寂
埋在深海的群山
終於
呈
現
你眼中的淚
沒有哀傷 - - -
水中
火的倒影
燃燒
“Wow! What is your husband doing in America?”
“He’s sent by the government and getting a Ph.D in computer science.” She stresses on the P. H. D. like a young mother telling people her child’s name.
。。。But she is good at keeping herself busy doing two jobs, which is rare among women of her age. Sometimes, alone in her room, tears will come to her bright eyes, and she let them run over her cheeks and drop on her laps.
“No sex! I do not want sex!” 。。。這一代人（Qingdao, China. 1992.），像她這樣“潔身自愛”的知識女性對性的恐懼心理原因很複雜，我不一一剖析小說裏的細節來探索這個謎了。。。寫得很細膩很自然，烘托了她的“不能自然”。。。中國知識女性如何能更自然些，獲得真正健康的性心理，路漫漫其修遠矣。。。
Love is a force of nature。。。
情”的“煽情”。
她是個敏感而永遠孤獨的人，她的自由來自foreignness 所帶來的空間。。。