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PART 5 MINUTE PARTICULARS
On Doing What's Right
Good manners sometimes means simply putting up with other people's bad manners.
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
The English poet William Blake once observed, “He who would do good to another man must do it in Minute Particulars.” Minute particulars. Not grand gestures but everyday acts of kindness. They accumulate, and together provide the threads that make up our moral fiber. The writer Annie Dillard put it another way: “How we live our days, of course, is how we live our lives.” I listened to my minister, the Reverend Michael Lindvall, talk about “minute particulars” one Sunday and was struck by how closely his sermon aligned with my personal philosophy – or, at least, with the kind of person I strive to be.
Anyone who has taken Psych 101 is familiar with a concept called modeling. Good manners beget good manners, along with endless appeals to “put your napkin in your lap!” My dad was obsessed with a firm handshake and eye contact, as am I. My daughters could win gold medals for both. Kindness also begets kindness. It always gives me great pleasure and pride when I see my children showing people the respect they deserve – when they thank someone politely and tell him or her to have a good day, or hold the door for an elderly shopper. These are common courtesies that sometimes seem woefully uncommon. Parents have so much responsibility when it comes to shaping young minds – and an obligation to teach compassion, empathy and tolerance, primarily through example.
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