W2ers must read. 一個人們一般不願告訴你的秘密。

來源: 古石 2012-11-05 20:09:45 [] [博客] [舊帖] [給我悄悄話] 本文已被閱讀: 次 (4689 bytes)

 

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VERY USEFUL WORK CULTURE

This is a MUST for all of us who seek to combine leisure and salary during working hours...

1.   Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. 

People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria.People with a newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2.   Use computers to look busy. 

Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.  You can send and receive personal email, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your  boss - and you *will* get caught - your best defence is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

3.   Messy desk

Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts.  Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle,bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4.   Voice Mail - Never answer your phone if you have voice mail.

People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscentious even though you're being a devious weasel.  If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that the caller will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you. The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last messsage. I took care of it".  If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently.  One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full" - a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

5.   Looking Impatient and Annoyed

According to George Costanza of 'Seinfeld', one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6.   Appear to Work Late

Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35 pm, 7:05 am, etc...) and during public holidays.

7.   Creative Sighing for Effect

Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are very hard pressed

8.   Stacking Strategy

It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc... Can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.

9.   Build Vocabulary

Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products.  Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

* MOST IMPORTANTLY : DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!!!

古石

 

 

所有跟帖: 

Not a W2er, and will watch these who are using these tricks. -Naive2- 給 Naive2 發送悄悄話 (23 bytes) () 11/05/2012 postreply 20:22:56

Haha, you must have read this by mistake. :) -古石- 給 古石 發送悄悄話 古石 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/05/2012 postreply 20:25:01

I like this "stack a lot of books on floor" :) -swimwithwind- 給 swimwithwind 發送悄悄話 (120 bytes) () 11/05/2012 postreply 20:52:51

Lol.....George in Seinfield? -小心翼翼的小地主- 給 小心翼翼的小地主 發送悄悄話 小心翼翼的小地主 的博客首頁 (0 bytes) () 11/06/2012 postreply 07:03:05

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