Sleep in a spring morning unaware of daybreak
- 原詩的意思是春天裏好睡,一夜睡得好香,不覺就已經拂曉了,而Sleep in a spring morning的意思是昨晚沒睡,到了早上才睡。
- In a spring morning應該改成on a spring morning,in the morning,但帶有修飾語後要用on
- Sleep on a spring morning unaware of day break是還沒有醒,你早上開始睡,但day break你仍然unaware
And singing birds are heard everywhere.
- 上一句的sleep前省略了我,是我sleep,而這一句And singing birds are heard,鳴鳥是被聽到的,所以這聲音不是你聽到的,是別人聽到的,不然你就應該說(I) hear …
- Singing birds are heard,不是鳥鳴被聽到了,是鳥被聽到了。你可以說I heard my teacher talking,也可以說I heard my teacher (省略talking),但你不可以說I heard my talking teacher,這是越南式或者中式英語。
In the night the sounds of winds and rains,
- Fragment,不符合英語語法。晚上,這些sounds of winds and rains在做很麽?你沒交代,在吵鬧?在爭鬥?在互相調戲?你把讀者掛在了那裏。
- Sounds 用單數比較好,the sound of ,這樣風雨聲就交織在一起了。而用複數sounds,那各是各的聲音。
Fallen flowers known to be how many there?
- 這又是一個fragment。在英語了,除非有必要,一般不要用fragments,這是初中裏就開始教的。
- Fallen flowers known to be how many典型的中式或越式英語。
- There? Where?
一畝詩人的翻譯:
春曉
孟浩然
春眠不覺曉,
處處聞啼鳥。
夜來風雨聲,
花落知多少?
A Spring Daybreak
Meng Haoran
(revised vetsion)
改譯
Sleep in a spring morning unaware of daybreak
And singing birds are heard everywhere.
In the night the sounds of winds and rains,
Fallen flowers known to be how many there?
原譯 Slept in a spring morning not sensing daybreak,
And hear everywhere the singing of birds.
In the night with the sound of winds and rains,
How many flowers falling down, who knows?