If Amy Chua were a Chinese-American Man
by 作舟
After reading the discussions on the "tiger mom" and the author's own revealing details, including the users’ description of the contents of this book on wenxuecity.com, I can not imagine if a book like this has been written by a man of Chinese descent. What consequences will it entail?
If a Chinese-American man has written such a book, the possibility of being published would have been much smaller than George W. Bush winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Unfair is that a woman of Chinese descent wrote it, and she wrote it with a self-righteous tone, and the book has been made “popular” by the
The world has always been unfair. The unfortunate ones will get the unfair treatment from their parents right after being born!
Raising a child is every parent's duty, regardless of the fact that they may not understand the meaning of bringing the child into this world and the challenges the child will face which the parents can never predict.
Unfortunately, most of human beings give birth to a child at a psychologically and spiritually immature age, not knowing what life really means. It is even worse when a child was born not out of love.
Continuation of life is one of human and animal instincts, but the difference between humans and animals is the way they "educate" the future generations.
In the past or places that suffer from extreme poverty, people used to force their children to learn a "skill" (such as singing Beijing Opera, acrobatics, etc.) in order to survive. During the feudal era in
Time has changed. In developed countries, should people adhere to the old "education" method so that the child will not be starved to death? Should the child be forced to learn a useful trade or skill before he or she develops independent thinking and resistance capacity? In the end, what is the education for a child or a young adult?
The jungle today has been intensified. The sense of anxiety and crisis has been applied to the child by his or her parents at an early stage. Because a child depends on his or her parents completely, he or she sometimes is treated like the parents’ property and a means to achieve certain goals.
Corporal punishment is a form of abuse and folly that has never been stopped throughout the history of human education and parenting. Violence has its own cycle. It is the byproduct of genetic necrosis in a violent environment. Violence has different impacts on its victims, but the nature of violence remains the same. Sometimes violence is bloodless; some violence or abuse is often carried out under high-sounding excuses.
Developed society and civilization can not stop the violence; high level of education and wealth can not prevent human folly.
Divided by the economic gain and power, the rich and the privileged always want to climb higher, closer to the tip of the pyramid, but they are not the voice of humanity. Their common sense has succumbed to greed, anxiety, vanity, and their jealous mind is off balance. In their eyes, the labor of farmers and factory workers, street cleaners, a hotel's handyman, the dishwashers, etc., etc. are extremely horrible, unimaginable jobs. The real world is their nightmare; To live as the privileged class is their goal.
For some people, it is easy to create an imbalanced thinking in an unfair world. These people are not trying to make the world fair, but climbing blindly towards the tilted higher end of the scale.
I sympathize with mothers in the world. I also consider maternal love as one of the most beautiful qualities of mankind. Maternal love should be selfless and unconditional. When a mother’s love becomes a mixture of selfishness, conditions and restrictions, it is no longer love.
Our mothers are great because they never treat us like properties which they can show off in front of others; of course, they also have expectations of their children, but they will not "default" a "program" and force us to walk along it to the end of life. Although our mothers did not have a higher education, but they know the basic humanity such as "Do not do unto others which you would not have them onto you." This includes their children.
I love my mother. When we were little, she never forced us to learn a "skill"; I read the same books with other kids in school. Even though
When there was no school, we ran wild and played outside for the most part of the day. We were sometimes wicked and we had fights. We fell and our noses bled. But as soon as the wound was healed, we returned to the free and unconstrained "battlefield" with our childhood friends. I remember what my grandmother once said: A child should live and play like a child!
In short, we could not be more ordinary while growing up. But we did not lose the pursuit of life, and our love and understanding for our parents also grew. We tasted the bitterness of life. We’ve had ups and downs, but we live our own lives. We grew from being naive to maturity. We have never heard of a childhood friend complaining about his or her parents had failed to make him or her a "child prodigy." That would have been ridiculed or considered sick by others.
I can not imagine a father, who tries to make his child a "genius" in a process with corporal punishment and verbal abuse, would write a self-congratulatory book about his "education" and dubbed "Chinese-style parenting"! In discussing the Chinese style "tiger mother," I think we should ask ourselves: What if Amy Chua were a man? How will the readers respond then?
Traditional "Chinese education" is a synonym for "reading books." What books do the "tiger moms" have their children read? There are already too many children playing the violin and the piano in the world, but who will be the next Yo-Yo Ma or Lang Lang?
When a child is forced to consume a few years or a decade on a musical instrument and still cannot meet the expectations of their parents, how much else could this child have missed in life? When a child does not have the mental balance, what will happen to them when dreams fail? When a delusional goal is set ahead of the child, how can he or she experience and understand the beauty of ordinary life? How can he or she appreciate the things the less fortunate children do not have?
The biological relationship between any parent and the child does not give the parent all the rights over the child’s life. Especially when some parents’ own understanding of life is trapped in fears and anxieties pressured by the outside world and their subjective mindset alike, these fears should not be passed on to the child.
After growing up, if we have “succeeded” with our own talent and hard work, most of us will naturally thank our parents for their love and nurturing. But if the recognition comes prematurely from one’s own parents while flaunting themselves, then this vulgar behavior may satisfy the vanity of the parents for a short time, but it will eventually subvert the child’s values and the child will not be able to see the emptiness in the expanding bubble of selfishness and self-love, and it also runs the risk of the child showing contempt for ordinary but important work and labor.
如果Amy Chua是個華裔男子
看了一些關於「虎媽」的報道和作者自己透露的細節，包括文學城網友對此書內容的描述，我無法想像如果這樣一本書的作者是個有中國血統的男人寫的，後果又會怎樣？
如果一個華裔男人寫了這樣的書，出版的可能性要比小布什獲諾貝爾和平獎還小。不公平的是，一個有中國血統的女人寫了，並用讚美自己的口吻寫的，而且被美國的媒體炒出來了。
世界從來是不公平的。不幸的人，一出生就會先從父母那裏得到不公平的待遇！
養育孩子是每一個將他/她們生下來的父、母親的天職，不論他們在孩子出生前清不清楚將一個生命帶到這個世界上的意義和他們無法預見的種種挑戰將會是什麽。遺憾的是，大多數的人類生育時期是處在年輕稚嫩階段，尚不懂得自己活在這個世界上到底意味著什麽。
延續生命是人類和動物的本能之一，區別是人類和動物“教育”後代的方式。
在過去和極度貧窮的地方，有的人強迫孩子在幼小的童年就要學一門“本領”（如唱戲、雜技等）為的是不會餓死。封建時代，為了一門手藝或技藝不失傳或不傳給外人，沒有選擇的孩子就會被強迫去“繼承”大人學過的那點兒東西。生活所迫，人們習以為常了。
時代變了，在發達地區，人們是否還要秉承古老的“教育”方式以至讓孩子不會被餓死？是否也要在孩子尚無獨立思考能力和反抗能力時強迫他/她們去學一門父母認為有用的手藝或技藝？童年和青少年所要受的“教育”到底是什麽？
在弱肉強食愈演愈烈的今天，有些父母將“危機感”過早地施加給了年幼的孩子。因為孩子要完全受父母的養育和資助，有的父母將孩子變成了自己的“財產”和達到某種目的的手段。
體罰是人類“教育”方式中從未間斷的暴力和蠢行。暴力是循環的，是暴力環境中壞死基因的遺傳。暴力對他人產生不同的後果，但暴力的性質還是暴力。暴力有時是不流血的；暴力很多時候是在冠冕堂皇下進行的。
發達的社會和文明不能製止人類的暴力；高學曆和財富也無法阻止人類的蠢行。
由經濟和權利分割而居於社會中的上層人群並不是人類文明的代言人。他/她們的私欲和危機感、虛榮和攀比往往會斷送他/她們理性和平常心。在他/她們的眼裏，種地的農民和工廠的工人、大街小巷的清潔工、酒店裏的雜役、洗碗的臨時工等等等等都是極其“可怕”的、不可想像的職業。真實的世界是他/她們的惡夢，特權階層是他/她們的“奮鬥目標”。
不公平的世界裏很容易讓人產生不平衡的思維方式。但他/她們不是試圖去讓世界變得公平，而是一味朝高高翹起的秤杆兒一端攀爬。
我同情這個世界上的母親們，也視母愛為人類美麗的品質之一。母愛應該是無私的、是無條件的。當母愛摻雜了自私和種種條件和限製，母愛就不是母愛了。
我們的母親之所以偉大是因為她們從未把我們當做攀比的砝碼；當然，她們對孩子們也期望，但她們不會為孩子們“預設”一個“程序”強迫孩子們去沿著它走道生命的盡頭。盡管我們的母親沒有高等學曆，但她們懂得像“己所不欲、勿施於人”這樣的基本人道。
我愛我的母親；我的母親在我們小時候從未強迫我們去學什麽“一技之長”；我和其他的孩子一樣在學校讀同樣的書，盡管當時的中國還很落後，但我們都懷念那個美好的童年，因為它是自然的，童年的夥伴們和我們一起鑄造了隻有孩子才懂得的“天堂”，沒有成年人施加的種種壓力。沒有課的時候，我們能在外麵撒野似的玩兒上大半天。我們有時會淘氣得打架，甚至摔得頭破血流。但傷口一好，我們又和夥伴們回到了自由無羈的“戰場”。我記得奶奶說過的一句話：小孩子就得活得像小孩子！
我們就那樣長大了，普通得不能再普通。但我們並沒有失去對人生的追求，更沒有減弱對父母的敬愛與理解。我們品味著人生的酸甜苦辣鹹，我們自己在走自己的路，從天真到成熟，也從未聽說誰埋怨過父母在小時候沒讓自己變成“神童”。那樣的話會遭到他人的恥笑；那樣的話，人就有病了。
我無法想像一位在體罰和威脅過程中讓孩子成為藝人似的“天才”的父親會出書為自己的“教育”方式自誇一番，並冠之“中國式的培養”！在討論中國式「虎媽」的帖子裏，我們應該問一問這個問題：假如蔡美兒是個男人，讀者的反響又會怎樣！？
“中式教育”的一個代名詞是“讀書”。「虎媽」式的母親們讓孩子們讀的是什麽書？另外，這個世界上拉提琴的、彈鋼琴的孩子太多了，但有幾個會成為馬友友、朗朗？？當一個孩子被迫在一件樂器上消耗了幾年或十幾年的光陰後仍然沒有達到預期的夢想，她/他錯過的又是什麽？當一個孩子還不具備心理平衡能力時，她/他的失敗和夢想的破滅會有什麽後果？當一個年幼的生命被提前設立了一個虛無的目標，他/她又能怎樣去自己體驗和理解那些美麗平凡的人生？？
父母與孩子的血緣關係並不是他/她們淩駕於孩子生命之上的特權。尤其是當一些做父母的人對生命的理解被外界和主觀的因素影響而陷入恐懼和擔憂時，他/她們更不應該將其轉嫁給孩子們。
我們中的大多數在長大成人後，如果靠自己的天份和努力“出人頭地”了，“成功”了，我們自然會想起父母的關愛和熏陶。但是，如果父母自己過早地表揚自己、標榜自己，那麽，這種庸俗的行為除了滿足一下該父母的虛榮心，它也會顛覆孩子們的價值觀、看不到自我膨脹泡沫的虛無和藐視平凡與勞作的危險。
請閱讀更多我的博客文章>>>
選擇“Disable on www.wenxuecity.com”
選擇“don't run on pages on this domain”
