大師指教的對,十分感謝~~

1. Many sentences start with “And”. Even you try to make it sound like a conversation, but still probably a bad habit?
--是比較隨意，象口語

2. Pay attention to punctuation. A long sentence without pause （coma） doesn’t sound sophisticated. It makes the reader out of breath. E.g.

You can hit the gym or take a couple of days off the work or go shopping or simply have a nice cup of coffee to have you calm down first to start with.
--> You can hit the gym, or take a couple of days off the work, or go shopping, or simply have a nice cup of coffee to calm down （yourself） first.

-- without coma, talking like a machine gun. 俺平時說話就不帶標點的毛病

3. Shopping - especially a shopping spree, makes you feel slave away in that tiny cube all days worthwhile. Shopping makes you understand better why you have to put up with all those craps at work and more willingly go back to face them.
--> Shopping - especially a shopping spree makes you feel slaving away in that tiny cube all days worthwhile. Shopping makes you understand better why you have to put up with all those craps at work, and thus you are more willing to go back and face them.

-- and thus 轉呈起來更好些

4. Once you bounce back from the bad mood, you need to rethink what you’ve done dragged you into the bad situation initially and how to avoid it from happening in the future.
--> Once you bounce back from the bad mood, you need to rethink what you’ve done dragged you into the bad situation initially and how to avoid it in the future.

-- "from happening" sounds redundant

5. My lesson from it is to be careful and ban myself from Wenxuecity surfing while I am working on the important tasks.
--> My lesson from it is to be careful and ban myself from surfing Wenxuecity while I am working on the important tasks.

-- 這個俺有保留 ban ***** from sth. "internet surfing" / "wxc surfing" sounds ok

最後很很感謝您花這麽多時間給俺一句句校對, 要不俺以後拜您師傅,跟您老大混吧 ;)~~

所有跟帖： 

• Your modesty impressed me. Did you see Slaving part? -carpediem- ♂ (0 bytes) () 08/23/2010 postreply 15:15:41

• Yes. Bear picked that out too.~ -lilac09- ♀ (0 bytes) () 08/23/2010 postreply 15:42:27