回複：improve the rhythm

來源: gemini68amy 於 2010-04-23 20:32:02 [] [博客] [舊帖] [給我悄悄話] 閱讀數 : (288 bytes)

the second and third paragraph are a little bit verbose. part of the reasons could be too many "I". if you prefer to include that much detail, then choose stronger words for your deion and use various sentence structure. the ending will be more exciting after the changes, if you will.

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• Thanks! Your suggestions are much appreciated. -geopolitics- ♀ 給 geopolitics 發送悄悄話 (0 bytes) () 04/23/2010 postreply 22:42:39

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