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【♣ 三X生日感言 ♣】 就這樣, 俺又老了一歲 - by Lilac
[生日感言] 早上起來，拔掉了3根白發，擠掉了2顆痘痘，吃了半片吐司，怎麽自己就又長了一歲。這世上，胖了就少吃兩頓，準保能瘦一點點，嫌錢少，就多打一份工，荷包就可以鼓幾分。就是這歲數，就隻有這麽一根筋，往上漲的份，沒有任何法子，中國人民銀行是你家開的，也不中。俺也想象古代文人騷客傷春悲秋，歎韶華易逝，青春難再一番。呸，太酸，有一句說的好，“每個今天都是你餘生中最年青的一天”。俺一聽年青，還是最年青，俺就象打雞血一樣興奮不已。好，俺就在俺這餘生中最年青的一天裏，請大家吃好吃的，看八文，賞片片, 聽音樂。咱活在當下，活好當下，中不？ 上一道菜，香辣蝦 -香辣蝦真好吃，鮮香鮮辣，就著熱騰騰的白米飯，噌噌兩碗就下去了，吃完了再把沾著蝦油的指頭吮吮, 人生快意呀~~ Lilac’s Spicy Shrimps Recipe:
說起這個吃蝦，俺想起了小學的事。俺家住在內地，很少吃海鮮，看過的都不多，海鮮很貴很稀罕，從書上描繪的加上自己YY的，如何如何，就想的不行。俺有個同桌，男同學，不是同桌的你的那位，硬生生不帶一絲絲情愫。他的名字俺都忘了，他長的胖敦敦的，在那個以暴製暴的野蠻歲月的和平夾縫裏，他給了俺對海鮮的初體驗 -- 這是一個野蠻女，暴力男加麻辣海鮮的碎碎念故事 . ( 咱看文嘻笑的同時，順便把英文也學了) As I grow up, no matter for silly kids pretend plays (辦家家) or formal school shows, I have never ever been picked out to play any role that is close to a princess or a lady. I have been one of the princess’s evil stepsisters, a slick (圓滑的, 口齒伶俐的) servant girl, a female bandit and even a “pants role” (女扮男裝) as a male villain. Deep down in my heart, I yearned painfully for playing an elegant lady, even just for once, but it never happened. I once indignantly (義憤的)cornered a boy who vetoed (否 決) me as “Xiao Jie” at the kindergarten backyard and forced him to change his veto until he wetted his pants. Was I that bad? I looked into the mirror. I was not that ugly or unpleasant, I believed. Maybe I never have any lady genes in my body since I was born. The crazy episode below proved it well. Once in our Elementary School’s New Year potluck party, my mom, who was also a teacher of that school back then, got way too high on drinking. She was so drunk that she couldn’t even stand straight (This is the only time I remember my mom drunk. Even a nun can get crazy once in her lifetime. So I won’t blame her for that one time indulgence (放縱)). Several male co-workers tried to drag her to a flatbed tricycle (三輪平板車) (Later I figured out that they were trying to find a way to send her home). My mom was struggling, kicking and protesting along the way in the mumbling voice. Although I was only about 7 or 8 years old at that time and didn’t know much about the man-woman stuff, I really didn’t like seeing my mom being manhandled (粗暴地對待) by any man except my daddy. I felt so furious that I rushed forward, pounced on a guy who looked like the mastermind (策劃者) of this whole farce (鬧 劇) and sunk my teeth down deeply into his hand that was gripping my mom’s arm.
The man I bit was our PE teacher, the strongest and biggest person in our elementary school. And I, the thinnest girl in our second grade who always flunked the PE tests, left the teeth mark on his right hand, permanently. After that accident, I rose to fame (聲名鵲起) in the school as the “tiger girl” or the “doggie girl”. And from that time on, all my desk mates assigned by the teachers were the most mischievous boys in the class. The strategy was called - “fight violence with violence”. One of them was a chubby (胖乎乎的) boy. I’ve forgotten his name. Let’s call him Little Fatty. Little Fatty (小胖) didn’t like study. His biggest fun was to bring troubles to the teachers. My job was to subdue (鎮壓) him during class time till the recess. It was a tough mission. We fought against each other the first second we sat together. This desk mate thing has nothing to do with what that famous romantic song sings about. It’s a plain history of blood and tears (一部血淚史) for both of us. I poked him with sharpened pencil when he crossed the middle line drawn on the desk. He sneakily squeezed the ink from ballpoint pen, dripped it along the middle line to get my new dress smeared (弄髒). I couldn’t wait to try my newly learned trick of how to pinch a guy most effectively on him – just pinch a little skin of your enemy with sharp fingernails then twist it clockwise, which would even bring Kingkong's tears down, I guaranteed. He would try to kick off the chair to let me sit onto the floor every time he got the chance. Like all the wars, there was still truce (休戰) although it was very short. During the truce, we would sometimes barter some goodies (作物物交換). Both of us were gluttons (饞貓) for yummy food, which was probably the only thing we were in common besides violence. I particularly had a thing for seafood. We lived inland, so far away from the ocean that those lobsters, crabs sounded like a big fantasy to me. My parents weren’t fond of the seafood at all and claimed they were allergic to it, so would I for the genetic reason as they said. I guessed that “price” was the real reason behind it. Once we were invited to a banquet, my mom and dad pigged out (大吃特吃) on all those fried shrimps and steamed crabs till their cheeks had a red glow and their belch became thunder like. If that was so called “allergy”, I didn’t mind getting one at all. Little Fatty was the only boy in his family, who got all the love dumped on him mercilessly. His doting (溺愛的) parents always bought seafood for him. He somehow got to know my secret. So occasionally he would bring some steamed crab legs school to purposely make my mouth watering. That was his worst trick he ever played on me. That was the only time I could clearly feel my weakness and make me hate my guts (恨 之入骨). The crab legs I somehow bummed (乞討) or threatened from him were so skinny, no bigger than the hind legs of a grasshopper. (Later on, I figured out that they were just some river crabs, not my dream seafood. BS Little Fatty, dare to fool me) Each time in order to deal with those tiny legs, I had to sit up, squint (眯 著眼睛) my eyes and use a bobby pin (發夾) to carefully dig out that itty-bitty (極小的) white thing called meat. It was like tasting MSG(味 精). It was so tasty because it was so little. Little fatty once teased me that he would vote me for “Xiao Jie” the time I was working on those crab legs, so quiet, so absorbed and well behaved. I then just hit him with the empty crab legs I finished with. Later on, as I grew up, moved, went to college, got married (Thank God!) and came to California. The Pacific Ocean becomes my neighbor. When I can treat myself to shrimps, lobster, crabs, clams and all kinds of seafood to my heart’s content (心滿意足), they suddenly lose all the appeal for me. I find they are too bland to stimulate my appetite that has been cultivated by the lifetime eating of spicy food. That is how this newly discovered spicy shrimp recipe suits me just well, which rekindled my childhood enthusiasm for seafood and relived many interesting memories of the past. Looking back, fighting with boys in the elementary school may have dissipated (消 失) like the early morning mist. After so many years of education and taming, I have been molded to at least look like a lady, dolling up (扮靚) in girlie dresses, wearing long hair, walking, posing and smiling like a lady. But deep down inside, that little sassy (野蠻) girl was still there, who has never left. Just like the seafood, unlike most of people who enjoy its original refreshing flavor, I can only enjoy it with all those pungent (辛辣的) ingredients. Now “sassy” just takes a new form from physical to verbal to mental - Sharp tongue has replaced sharp teeth. Cynicism and sarcasm has replaced pinching and biting. I may never be a real lady but I no longer had hard feelings about this. I am who I am. There was quite a hit Korean movie “My Sassy Girl ” (我的野蠻女友) a couple of years ago. After that movie, Sassy Girls suddenly become prevailing overnight. In hell, I have led the trend many years ahead of the time. 野蠻女在公司，裝的挺賢淑不是 來張辣點的，好象辣過頭了，黑乎乎的，屋裏光線不好 lilac的花園, 春天真是到了，茶花, 玉蘭都開了，金桔壓枝
紫玉蘭
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