帥哥兒，你能聽懂女人講的英語嗎？（歐美版）

 

毋庸置疑，語言是人類所創造出的最複雜的“軟件”！沒有了語言，“人類”恐怕就不複存在了。人類語言是直立行走的人類智慧之源；同時，語言也是愛與恨、理解和誤解、和諧與衝突的根源。

當“學習外語”成為學生考試、升學、就業的“必修課”時，盡管眼時下“學外語”教材琳琅滿目，數以萬計，但很多學生仍是硬著頭皮去學：背單詞、背句式、背課文等等，死記硬背地實行著“腦細胞自殺”來提高成績。

學習外語，英語或美語，如果忽視了語言現象中幽默的因素就失去了“品味”目標語言中的一道極其可貴的“配料”的機會。正如“大山”學習中國傳統相聲一樣，他的中國話才顯得爐火純青、雅俗共賞。

日常美語對話中，我們能聽到很多“俗”的幽默。噢，你還記得過去很多二流兒肉麻電影裏，當男女搞對象時，女的會常常說“反話”？比如，“瞧你這傻樣兒！”“你真壞！”“討厭！”“去你的！”“倒黴蛋兒！”“老不死的！”等等等等。這種女人講的反話，嗲氣十足，不僅在中文裏屬於調情罵俏兒，在英文和美語裏也同樣存在。

如果華人帥哥兒在與歐美女孩子拍拖時，甚至戀愛同居後，“反話”往往會時常出現在男女調情的片段中。當然，關係很鐵的朋友、同事之間，這樣的反話也會被用上。

"Maybe" = No

"I'm sorry" = You'll be sorry

"We need" = I want

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now

"Sure... go ahead" = I don'twant you to

"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

"We need to talk" = I need to complain

"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?

"Be romantic, turn out the lights"= I have flabby thighs

"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house

"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep

"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive

"How much do you love me?" =I did something today you're really not going to like

"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

"Is my butt fat?" = Lie to me

"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me

"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead]

"Do what you want." = You'll pay for this later

提示：

以上例子為“反麵教材”，不宜隨時隨地使用。尤其是學外語的女士們，在使用這些反語時必須具備天時地利人和的條件，否則會事半功倍，弄不好會造成雞飛蛋打的嚴重後果。

帥哥兒們在實踐中也要根據實際情況來判斷“反語”的級別與暗示，重要的是要反應機敏，回答迅速，否則會被罵白癡或心不在焉。


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