前幾天在 疏影笑寒 Grandma 那篇短文下我建議說：“好文章不是寫出來的，而是改出來的”。一篇東西寫完後如果連續好幾天來來回回反複推敲修改的話，最後的成文會比一蹴而就的文字強百倍，自己這樣推敲一篇東西的所得，更是會比“一揮而就寫作文”多百倍。妖妖靈說想看看實例，那就以我自己的這篇中譯英“孤獨”前幾段的初稿為例，修改、剖析一番：
Part 1 初稿：
先看看本人一蹴而就的中譯英初稿，然後在 Part 2 裏修改、並解釋一下修改的原因和道理。
先說一個小竅門：現學現用。象這樣一篇寫“孤獨”的文字，孤獨的概念自然會反複出現。所以無論是自己寫這個題目的作文還是翻譯，在動筆之前，最好先檢索一下關於孤獨的各種不同英文表達，Google: synonyms of alone，你一下子就看到了好幾十個不同的表述法，其中不少可能是你知道的，但是在關鍵時刻你未必就能不僅脫口而出，而且用得語法上正確、詞義上貼切；也有些可能是你好像知道、卻又不太肯定其確切定義、用法或動詞介詞搭配的。把這些近義詞語都好好看看、琢磨一下、體會一下含義或用法上的區別，你動筆時就不會寫 105遍 "alone"了，而且提升了你對這一大批英語語匯的理解。
《一個人最貴的奢飾品是什麽？》
What Is the Finest of All Luxuries?
(1) 孤獨讓一個人出眾，而不是不合群，造就了很多人贏在了不象別人！
Solitude helps one stand out, rather than alienate him from the crowd. It's helped many succeed by making them different.
(2) 人生在世，每人都會嚐遍寂寞的滋味。有人說，人是越長大越孤單，於是我們忍不住用各種各樣的方式填滿生活中的空白，趕赴一場又一場的熱鬧。在觥籌交錯間尋找被需要的快樂，但生活更多的是自己一個人過。
In the turbulence that is life, everyone has experienced the pain of loneliness. Some have lamented that loneliness grows with age. We therefore feel the urge to fill every little moment of our life with something. We seek out one excitement after another. We yearn for the satisfaction of being needed at all the wining and dining. But mostly, alone is how one has to live his or her life.
(3) 一個人獨處時懂得自我要求，不放縱自己，不容易受外界誘惑幹擾，守得住自己的內心。
Being by oneself demands that one exercise restraint, refrain from overindulgence, and resist external temptation by holding onto one's true self.
(4) 讓一個人出眾的從來都是靠這樣東西：你害怕孤獨嗎？《你的孤獨雖敗尤榮》一書中說：曾經我認為，孤獨是世界上隻剩自己一個人。現在我認為，孤獨是自己居然就能成為一個世界，深以為然，我們都活得很孤獨。
Here's something that will always make you stand out in a crowd. Do you dread loneliness? As is said in Your Seclusion in Defeat Does You Credit, I once believed that solitude is to have nobody but oneself in the world. Now I am convinced that solitude is how one can create a world all by oneself. Yes, indeed! On our own, that's how we all live.
Part 2. 修改及理由：
初稿，一般都比較糙。口頭陳述、口譯當然都是現場“一錘子買賣”，說、翻出來什麽樣就是什麽樣了。但在工作中寫了什麽東西、或筆譯的文件需要發給大家看的話，“文如其人”，文字太糙，即便你工作做得還不錯，給人的印象當然就會比較差。尤其是在學習英語寫作的階段，通過修改其實遠比攥寫初稿可以學到更多的東西。
《一個人最貴的奢飾品是什麽？》
What Is the Finest of All Luxuries?
(1) 孤獨讓一個人出眾，而不是不合群，造就了很多人贏在了不象別人！
Solitude helps one stand out, rather than alienate him one from the crowd. him 與前麵的 one 顯然不統一，理當保持一致。
It's helped many succeed by making them different. --》 It has helped many succeed by allowing them to be different. 這篇文字剛開頭，文風還不明確， it's 顯得太隨意，未必是原作者的風格，所以還是保險起見，正式些， It has......
making them different 的說法有問題： solitude 本身並不會 make someone different，而是讓他有機會通過獨處去獨立思考、產生不同的想法、或行為及決策。所以用 allow them to be different 比原先的說法更靠譜。
(2) 人生在世，每人都會嚐遍寂寞的滋味。有人說，人是越長大越孤單，於是我們忍不住用各種各樣的方式填滿生活中的空白，趕赴一場又一場的熱鬧。在觥籌交錯間尋找被需要的快樂，但生活更多的是自己一個人過。
In the turbulence that is life, everyone has experienced the pain of loneliness. Some have lamented that loneliness grows with age. We therefore feel the urge to fill every little moment of our life with something in one way or another. "用各種各樣的方式" 應該指的是 way, 所以說 in one way or another 比 with something 更確切。
We seek out one excitement after another. We yearn for the satisfaction of being needed at all the wining and dining. But mostly, alone is how one has to live lead his or her life. 用 lead 代替 live，避免與 （4） 裏的 live 重複。
(3) 一個人獨處時懂得自我要求，不放縱自己，不容易受外界誘惑幹擾，守得住自己的內心。
Being by oneself demands that one exercise restraint, refrain from overindulgence, and resist external temptation by holding onto one's true self.
(4) 讓一個人出眾的從來都是靠這樣東西：你害怕孤獨嗎？《你的孤獨雖敗尤榮》一書中說：曾經我認為，孤獨是世界上隻剩自己一個人。現在我認為，孤獨是自己居然就能成為一個世界，深以為然，我們都活得很孤獨。
Here's something that will always make you stand out in a crowd. Do you dread loneliness? As is said in Your Seclusion in Defeat Does You Credit, I once believed that solitude is to have nobody but oneself in the world. Now I am convinced that solitude is how one can create a world all by oneself. Yes, indeed! On our own, that's how we all live. That is how we all live --- On our own. 原句的句型與 （2）最後一句的句型重複了，這兩個句子的內容也差不多，所以起碼應該盡量避免句型和用詞的重複。除了排比句，短文中最好避免同一個句型來回出現，減少重複感，這樣讀起來不容易讓人覺得枯燥無趣。
這才改了第一遍，就揪出這麽多不足之處。除了這些，肯定還有不少值得商榷推敲的地方。如果明天、後天、大後天再反複回來看，很可能每次又都會發現新的問題、對哪句話的表達方式又有新的想法，於是又有了第三稿、第四稿。。。。。。
這樣的反複推敲修改，做起來有點兒費腦子、費時間，但是通過多思考，多嚐試不同的表述方法，勤動手查證，來回改，真能學到很多東西，練好英文寫作。
出國後定居工作，我們老中往往幹活兒不輸給人家，但是在口頭和筆頭表達、陳述能力方麵，卻往往吃很多虧，尤其是與印度等國的新移民相比，幹活不僅不比人差，還往往比人家更用心、周到、出力。但是到了論功行賞時，我們卻因為溝通能力不行，往往得不到我們應得的認可和晉升、薪酬。提供英語寫作能力，實際上提高的是你的總體英語水平，包括對語匯的駕馭能力、口頭表達能力、語氣的把握能力等。試想，寫作時你有充足的時間和辦法來思考、組織自己的想法、斟字啄句。如果都寫作時表述都成問題的話，口頭陳述時你極少有時間思考組句，再加上上台時的緊張，你的 presentation 能強過你的寫作嗎？
所以認真練習英文寫作，比你在工作上花同樣的時間和努力，會讓你受益更多。
Part 3. 第二稿完整版：
《一個人最貴的奢飾品是什麽？》
What Is the Finest of All Luxuries?
(1) 孤獨讓一個人出眾，而不是不合群，造就了很多人贏在了不象別人！
Solitude helps one stand out, rather than alienate one from the crowd. It has helped many succeed by allowing them to be different.
(2) 人生在世，每人都會嚐遍寂寞的滋味。有人說，人是越長大越孤單，於是我們忍不住用各種各樣的方式填滿生活中的空白，趕赴一場又一場的熱鬧。在觥籌交錯間尋找被需要的快樂，但生活更多的是自己一個人過。
In the turbulence that is life, everyone has experienced the pain of loneliness. Some have lamented that loneliness grows with age. We therefore feel the urge to find one way or another to fill every little moment of our life. We seek out one excitement after another. We yearn for the satisfaction of being needed at all the wining and dining. But mostly, alone is how one has to lead his or her life.
(3) 一個人獨處時懂得自我要求，不放縱自己，不容易受外界誘惑幹擾，守得住自己的內心。
Being by oneself demands that one exercise restraint, refrain from overindulgence, and resist external temptation by holding onto one's true self.
(4) 讓一個人出眾的從來都是靠這樣東西：你害怕孤獨嗎？《你的孤獨雖敗尤榮》一書中說：曾經我認為，孤獨是世界上隻剩自己一個人。現在我認為，孤獨是自己居然就能成為一個世界，深以為然，我們都活得很孤獨。
Here's something that will always make you stand out in a crowd. Do you dread loneliness? As is said in Your Seclusion in Defeat Does You Credit, I once believed that solitude is to have nobody but oneself in the world. Now I am convinced that solitude is how one can create a world all by oneself. Yes, indeed! That is how we all live --- By ourselves, on our own.
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