Blue Jacaranda - Chapter 10
澳洲：何木
One afternoon Peter received a message from Lotus, telling him that she was feeling unwell, and couldn’t attend the meeting for their group assignment.
“No problem, I will pass you the meeting notes,” he replied. “Have you seen a doctor?”
“Yes, I saw the doctor yesterday and I was told to do a blood test.”
“What is the result?”
“I will get it in a few days,” Lotus replied, “Peter, I am afraid I have some serious illness.”
“It would be all right, just wait and see the result.”
“Yes, thank you.”
One week later, Peter learned the news from Jason. Lotus was diagnosed with Leukaemia, which was a blood cancer, caused by the rapid production of abnormal white blood cells.
“Oh, my god,” Melody exclaimed, when Peter told her the terrible news. “Poor Lotus, she must have been unwell for some time. Last time I saw her, I even joked that she was becoming thinner and thinner, and she should share her special ways of losing weight.”
Peter said sadly, “Yes, I have long noticed her paleness. But I never thought it could be anything more than a general weakness.”
“Is she going to die?”
“I don’t know, but cancer, you see, is terrible.”
Peter and Melody chose a day going to Westmead Hospital to see Lotus.
She was in sleep. Her face was as white as the sheet above her. Jason was in the room reading his computer textbook. Seeing them come in, he put his finger to his mouth, “Shush…”
Quietly, Melody put her flowers on the bedside table. The bunch of colour contrasted with the white room, like a bonfire burning in a world of snow. Then they went out and carefully closed the door behind them.
In the corridor, Peter asked Jason, “Any more information about her diagnosis?”
“Yes, it is known as the type of Chronic, at stage B.”
“What does that mean?”
“Well, I have just learnt it from the internet. There are stages A, B and C. Stage B is when many counts of immature white cells are seen in the blood and in the bone marrow, while the red ones are still normal, not yet drastically reduced.”
“So what did the doctor say?”
“The doctors sound quite hopeful, assuring us that the treatment of Leukaemia had been making progress, now with a higher survival rate, about 70% surviving five years in similar cases.”
“Oh, survival rate...” Melody muttered, who like Peter, must have heard the terminology for the first time.
“They will have a treatment plan for her,” Jason went on, “But like all cancers I think Chemotherapy would be the first option.”
“Is that the treatment that would cause hair loss?” asked Melody.
“Yes, that is one of the side effects. It kills the cancer cells, but it also hurts healthy ones, affecting the immune system.”
When they went back into the room, Lotus was awake. “Peter! ” she called out at once, her eyes threatened with tears, ''and Melody...”
They went forward to her bed and Melody held her hand, “Oh Lotus…how are you feeling?”
“Just feel tired, and a bit nauseated,” said Lotus, “thank you both for coming, oh, beautiful carnations.”
“They are beautiful, aren’t they?” Melody said, picking one stem from the bunch and putting it close to Lotus’s nostril. “It is my favourite. I wish they could sell lotus flowers, is that your favourite?”
Lotus smiled, “Yes, it is, but carnations smell so nice.”
Melody turned to the other two in the room, “Guys, what are your favourite flowers?”
“Well, to be honest, I am not sure,” Peter said, “Aren’t all flowers beautiful?” And his answer was followed by Jason, “Me either, but perhaps roses?”
“See the two technical ‘geeks’,” Melody laughed, turning back to Lotus, “I bet Jason had never bought you flowers.”
“Protest, protest,” said Jason, “I did buy flowers for Lotus.”
Lotus responded quickly, “Only once at the very very beginning.”
Jason made a face to hide his embarrassment, which was soon superseded by Peter’s, for Melody had begun to challenge Peter, “Hey Peter, how about you?”
Peter’s face turned red. It was true he had never bought any flowers for Melody.
They continued to chat for another half an hour, during which Lotus had been cheerful, unlike someone who was seriously ill. When they were about to leave, something reminded Melody so she made an inquiry to Jason, “I wonder about the medical cost?”
“Well,” Jason replied, “her student insurance can cover a certain percentage, so eventually she needs extra funds. Her parents in China are preparing, and also planning to come to Sydney. A decision will then be made as to where she shall go through the treatment.”
“I see,” she said, and spoke to Lotus as if the latter were a child, “You rest well, listen to the doctors, okay? Don't worry about other things, okay?”
“Yes, thank you Melody,” Lotus nodded, her eyes now full of tears…
Jason went out to see them off. At the car park, Melody asked Jason for Lotus’ bank account, and by her phone she transferred $5k to her, “in case she needs urgent use,” she said.
“Thank you, this shall cover possible immediate fees. She will pay you back when her parents arrive.”
“Don’t worry about it, let me know if she needs more, I will ask my father for help.”
As soon as they were inside the car, Peter leant across and gave Melody a sound kiss, “Melody, you are so kind to help Lotus.”
“Am I?” Melody replied, in one of her playful expressions. “But poor Lotus looked so weak, hard to believe this could happen to her.”
“Yeah, let’s hope for the best and pray...”
That evening, Peter went to the internet doing his research for leukemia, and was relieved to confirm what Jason had said to him, that leukemia was now a highly treatable disease, though the treatment could be lengthy and very expensive.
And as there was only one assignment remaining for achieving her university degree, it was agreed Lotus should just complete it, with assistance from Peter. So one afternoon, since Melody was engaged with her own study, Peter went alone to the hospital by train.
“Lotus, how are you feeling today?” asked Peter, putting a pillow up on her back as she managed to sit up.
“I am okay,” Lotus said, “Doctors came this morning with further information about my case. It is lucky that it is one of the mildest leukemia and can definitely be treated towards the elimination of the cancer cells. So Peter, I am so happy, I am not going to die.”
Peter, affected by her jubilant mood, said assuringly, “Of course not, Lotus. I have also searched the internet, and surely it can be treated. See, everything will be fine.”
“Yes, I now choose to believe it. At first when doctors, and my parents and Jason said hopeful words to me, I thought they were just trying to make me feel better,” said Lotus, and excited, began to cough.
“Lotus, speak slowly,” said Peter, holding a glass of water to her mouth. “Drink this, and if you feel tired, just have a rest, and I can come another time.”
“No, today is okay,” Lotus replied, after the drink, “and thank you for helping me with the assignment. I am lucky that I can still complete my university studies. Should it be another time, it would have been impossible,” she paused to take another sip of the water, and went on, “and thank you, and thank Melody who is so kind as to lend money to me.”
“Don’t mention it, and, how about your parents, are they coming soon?”
“The plan was changed. Now only my mother will come, next week, and we will then decide with doctors on a time to bring me back to China. My father has his own work, and also needs to prepare a lot of things for my future treatment.”
“Where will your mum stay in Sydney?”
“Jason had found a studio type of apartment in Parramatta.”
“That is good, Parameter is just one stop away from Westmead station.”
They then spent the next half an hour on the group assignment, until Peter felt it was time for her to rest.
The next time Peter saw her was in Parramatta. To save cost and the frequent travelling of her mum, it was better Lotus stay at home under the care of her mum and only go back to the hospital as needed. And Jason, now her mum had arrived, had not visited her as frequently as before. He was, at the time, rather busy with his studies as well as setting up a shop at Burwood, a joint venture they had once discussed during their Hunter Valley trip. Melody had committed $10k, Jason $20k, and another classmate taking up the third tranche of 20k, to have a shop for Lamb-Skewer BBQ.
Lotus’s mum opened the door. She looked so much like Lotus that Peter thought she was just an older version of her. “Oh, come in, come in,” she said, “Lotus is expecting you.”
Lotus, in the bedroom, had heard the voice and said loudly, “Mum, is it Peter?”
Peter, taking off his shoes, replied, “Yes, I am, sorry I am running late.”
The room, under her mum’s care, was clean and tidy. Lotus’ eyes lit up at once at the beautiful roses in Peter’s hands. Admittedly, it was the first time he had bought any flowers for any girls. And he thought Lotus would like a change of the type of flowers, from the carnations Melody had bought her last time.
With a light blue hat on, Lotus looked like a girl much in fashion, instead of a patient who had lost most of her hair. Peter, having learnt from what Melody had done last time, picked a stem of the roses and gave it to Lotus and said, “Smell it, is it better than carnations?”
Lotus took a deep breath, “Oh, this is so sweet, thank you so much Peter,” Lotus said, smiling beautifully, the rose petals shining upon her features. “How beautiful life is, now I know I am not going to die, I can deal with the discomfort and the pain, and whatever...”
“Yes, I am glad you say that, and trust me, Lotus, you will be living more than 100 years.”
“Ah…100 years! Peter, can I really live that long?”
“Yes, I promise you can.”
“Haha…” laughed Lotus, the laughter being her first in many months, “Peter, how can you promise I can live that long? Haha...”
“Not just a promise but a guarantee.”
Lotus’ chuckle went off further, her pale lips reflecting the colour of joy. “How I hope we can live that long, and.. and…”
Peter, and her mum who had been attracted by her happy voice into the room, both held on their smiles, waiting for her to finish what she was going to say.
“And, you can still see me when I am 100 years old. How wonderful would it be...”
“Yes, it is wonderful.”
Then a thin cloud seemed to spoil the moment of her happiness, “But then I would be too old, and ugly…”
“Oh, no, no,” Peter said, striving to keep her in a good mood, “I will also guarantee you will be as beautiful as ever.”
“Oh Peter, you are so sugar-mouthed, no wonder Melody, as proud and wealthy as she is, sticks with you,” said Lotus, “I haven't seen her for some time, how is she going? I haven’t thanked her enough for her help.”
“She is fine. She should have been here today, but she had a meeting with her classmates for the launch of an exhibition, so she asked me to pass her wishes.”
“Thank you, you are all so helpful. And don’t worry about me, now that my mum is here. I have also asked Jason not to come here often, so he has time for his study, and now his business.”
“Yes, I saw the shop. It was on the Burwood Road, a small place but in a very good location.”
“Do you think it will make money? I am concerned Jason may lose it.”
“Well, running a business always has risks. but I think the skewer BBQ will be popular in the area. It is one of the hawker shops favoured by Chinese students. When it is open, you should go and have the first bite of the string, see I will be the master chef.”
“How wonderful, I must see it before I leave. It will take some time for my first period of treatment here at Westmead so I think I can make it.”
“Sure, I will ask Jason to speed it up.”
Peter, on his way back, took the train to Burwood, to see the progress of the shop decoration. Jason sat on a little stool, with a pen in his hand scratching on a piece of paper.
“Hi, Jason,” greeted Peter, “how is it going?”
Jason looked up, “Hi Peter, glad to see you, come to have a look and I need your advice.”
“What is it?” asked Peter, going forward to see the paper in his hand.
“The logo, do you like it?” said Jason.
The logo was a sketch of a BBO stove above which rows of strings were steaming. Peter laughed, “Well, it is okay, anything will do, people will just see the real thing anyway.”
“Well, every business needs a nice logo, good for marketing, and business identity,” Jason replied, who was apparently trying to apply his learnt business theories into practice.
“Yes, but I don’t think it matters so much for a small shop like this, unless you are planning to run a franchise.”
“Well we should think big, shouldn’t we? We will grow our business and run it as a franchise across Australia.”
“Good on you, that is ambitious. By the way, I just came from Lotus and she said she wants to come here when the shop opens.”
“Yes, I think we can make it before she leaves. And, Peter, thank you for helping her with her study. She is happy now that she has passed the course.”
“Don't mention it, Lotus is my classmate and I just do what I should.”
“Yeah, the worst seemed to have passed. She had really collapsed when she was first told of this. Luckily it was not too late, though I think she should have seen the doctor much sooner.”
“Well, nobody could have thought of this.”
Around dinner time, they went to a restaurant selling Lanzhou hand-made noodles. While waiting for their dishes, Peter asked, “Jason, now that Lotus is going back to China, what about you and her?”
“Well, we haven’t discussed much about our future. But it is sort of tacit understanding that it will just end after the university.”
Peter remembered what Lotus had told him about their relationship, “So, Jason, don’t you feel sad at all, I mean after so many years?”
“Well, Peter, you know what it is, don’t you? Very few couples on campus will have a happy ending.’
“Ehmm, you are mostly right, it would be the same with me and Melody.”
Jason shrugged his shoulders. “Well, we can’t help it, can we? But, I do think Melody loves you. See, Peter, you are the lucky man, among many others who had been pursuing her. And frankly, and no offense, I am quite surprised that you two could have been together this long.”
Peter’s curiosity was aroused, “Really? The lucky man?” he said, then becoming bold to broach the topic, “May I ask… whether you are one of the many others?”
Jason chuckled, declining to give a straight answer. “See, Peter, her ‘signals’ to me, had always been confusing. Sometimes I thought she liked me a bit, but most of the time it was quite the opposite. Well, that was why I said you were lucky. I know quite a few others in the circle who had been chasing her. It was just you who had seemed ignorant of who else was around her.”
“Really?” Peter asked, in disbelief.
“Of course. Your girlfriend, in the eyes of many, is the typical rich-beauty, although not the perfect white-rich-beauty.”
“Okay, okay, can I then say that your Lotus is white-beauty, though perhaps missing the rich?”
Jason laughed, “You are absolutely right.”
The noodles had now arrived. The two young men, both from the spice-craving territories in China, began to enjoy their red-hot spicy noodles. After downing several chopsticks of running noodles, Peter took a break and said, “But I don’t think Melody really loves me. See, she had been also giving me confusing signals. Maybe it is just her character, as an artist, who tends to have a diversity of interest.”
“Peter,” Jason said in a serious tone, “It is very unfair for you to say that about Melody. Maybe she will leave you after graduation, but as far as I know, she has never dated other men, since you were together again.”
“Do you know much about Cooper?”
“Of course I do, but that was the past.”
“But don’t you think she may still love him? I heard that a woman, once in love with a man, could hardly love another.”
“Well, maybe, but, well, to be honest, I don’t know. All I know is that Melody has never betrayed you, or anything close to that.”
Peter decided to go deep and harsh on the topic, “Is that because you.. I mean, she has rejected you?”
Jason was making an awkward smile, “To be frank, yes. But not as much as the ‘rejection’ per se. Melody is way too smart in her ways of turning down a man’s intention, you see.”
Peter said understandingly, “Anyway, we all will separate from each other, and that time is within weeks.”
Jason finished the last chopsticks of noodles, taking a tissue to wipe his mouth, “That is exactly right, a new chapter of life is in front of us. But we may not separate that quickly, now that we have started a business.”
“Well, I must go,” Peter said, getting up, “I am applying for internship opportunities.”
“You may just bypass that,” Jason laughed, “you are already an employee in the BBQ.”
“That is for sure. By the way, what is the name of the shop?”
“I am still thinking about it, together with the logo.”
“Why not just call it Lotus, I guess it will make her happy.”
“Great idea, okay, done, it is Lotus BBQ Lamb Skewer!”
That evening when Peter told Melody of the shop name, she laughed, “Ha, Lotus and lamb skewers! What Do you guys think of it. But anyway as long as it makes her happy…”
Another week went by. One morning Melody was in her studio constructing a piece of artwork. And Peter was on Seek looking for jobs, when his phone began beeping, and he saw the message was from Lotus.
“Peter, can you come?”
A little surprised at the short and blunt request, Peter replied to her quickly, “Lotus, are you okay?’
“I am okay. But can you come?”
“Yes, I can...” Peter replied, confused and more concerned, but decided not to bother her with more questions.
“Thanks.”
Peter spoke to Melody, “I need to go out to see Lotus, she asked me to see her, sounding something very urgent.”
“What did she say?”
Peter showed Melody the messages in WebChat, “See, she didn’t say much. Shall I ask what the matter is?”
“Just go there and find it out,” said Melody, fiddling with a piece of wood in an ‘ugly’ sculpture, “Sorry I can’t accompany you, but text me if there is anything I can do.”
Half an hour later, Lotus herself opened the door. “Where is your mother?” asked Peter worriedly.
Lotus, looking so thin in her sleeping gown, replied, “I have asked her to go out, so that I can talk to you.”
She led Peter by hand to her bedroom. Peter helped her lie down, propping up a pillow for her.
Lotus’s lips were trembling. She looked worse than any other time, as if she had grown old and small overnight. With her sunken cheeks, dry lips, and the utmost distress in her eyes, she was like the most helpless lamb in the world.
Her bony fingers were twitching in his hand, while she made herself ready for a speech, “Peter, I felt so very bad, my teeth and my nose have bled for two days, and I found it hard to breathe. I had a horrible dream, Peter, in that I was dying, and you, Peter, the only face in it, was crying over me. So...” she stopped, breathing hard, hardening her grip on his fingers. In a second her tears had come, she wanted to speak, but her lips only trembled.
“Oh, Lotus…” Peter said, then for the first time since his childhood, he felt the sensation of stirring tears in his eyes. They fell to Lotus, to join with hers. Then he put her head in his arms and kissed her.
He continued to kiss her until their tears were dry. Then he wished her to sleep, he released her to her pillow. But Lotus would not let him, she began crying again, “Peter, don’t leave me, kiss me, kiss me, please Peter, tell me you love me, before I die…”
She was begging him, with the saddest pupils he had ever seen. So he embraced her head again, then half of her body. He was kissing every inch of her face, the most vulnerable skin in the world, then, 'oh my god', how he was wanting her! His penis, not knowing since when, had grown so large and strong, already ready to take her in, ready to eliminate the misery and weakness forced upon her by the unjust world!
Lotus was instantly feeling it. She kept on crying, kept on calling his name, her eyes and hands frantically searching on him. Inside her was an incredible energy surging, to streak her pale face with the beautiful pink of dawn, to make her fingers strong and capable, to enable her to grab him fit and hard.
Slowly, like in a dream, he lied down with her, then with the most delicate, and the tenderest manner possible of a man, he entered her, then with the fluency of tears as well as the extremity of sad joy and despair, they became one.
Guilt-stricken as he was, afterwards, he dared not look into her eyes, half-dazed, only letting Lotus touch his face. “Peter, I am so happy…I love you, really really love you…” she whispered, listening close to his heartbeat, not at all like one who had feared a while ago she was going to die. Her breaths were smooth; she was content; she was anything but sick. Only Peter was confused, very confused. The feelings had been so strong that he was very certain that it must have been love. He had never had such an insurgence of feelings, a mighty mix of so many things, all coming together to drench him, and her, who was so very different a female species than Melody.
For long, he lay there in silence, hearing the constant whispers breathing from Lotus. Then, the whispers grew weaker and weaker, she was asleep. He turned to look at her, finding her so peacefully beautiful, her delicate lips and cheeks and eyes becoming more delicate after the love.
Then he had a panic, ‘has she died?’
He sat up, and examined her face again. He called her, but she did not answer. He put his fingers close to her nose, and was relieved to feel her breath, thin and shallow but steady.
Carefully, he moved out of the bed. He pulled up his clothes, and arranged the blanket to cover Lotus properly.
He was sitting on the sofa, until he heard the door being knocked. He opened the door, and felt he was indeed in the daylight reality when he saw Lotus’s mum smiling at him. “Peter, how are you?”
“Yes, yes, I am fine,” he said, nearly stuttering. “Lotus ... was in sleep.”
She sighed, “Yes, she needs sleep. She had many bad dreams during the last few days, my poor child.”
“But…is she okay? What did the doctors say?”
She poured him a cup of tea. “They didn’t say anything new, the typical side effects, they said, the loss of hair, her teeth bleeding, etc.”
Peter drank the tea. And she asked, “Are you hungry? I made some dumplings today.” Then, without his answer, she got up and went to the kitchen.
A steaming bowl of a dozen dumplings was soon in front of him, together with the sauce and vinegar. Peter suddenly felt he had never been so hungry. “Thank you, Aunt…” he said, beginning to eat to refill his lost vitality.
Peter then left Parramatta, without waiting for Lotus to wake up. And the closer he was to Rhodes and Melody, the more guilt he was feeling, and less vivid Lotus’ face became. ‘How bad was me?’ He thought, ‘Oh my god, how could I do this, to Lotus, and Melody!’ Then, another more dreadful thought arose to strike him, ‘oh my god, what if Lotus got pregnant? No protection at all, it is going to really kill her!’ Since he had lived together with Melody, he had copied Melody’s mantras like ‘extremely’, and ‘oh my god’, though none of them believed in any Gods.
Like a soulless tree, he walked into his ‘home’, Melody's luxurious apartment. It was a relief that Melody had been buried in her artwork, and didn’t ask him much in detail about his meeting with Lotus, until late in the night. “Peter, so…” she turned to him, her bare hands and breasts pressing on his arms.
Peter was finding his tongue, “Well, Lotus felt extremely bad today.”
“Really? Is she getting worse?”
“She bled with her nose and teeth, and was extremely afraid she was going to die.”
“Oh my god…”
“But the doctors said it was the typical side effect, not that her cancer was getting any worse.”
“It is really really hard for anyone, let alone young girls like Lotus, to go through all of these.”
“Yes...” he said, for a moment recalling the raining tears of Lotus, as well as his, which had outpoured so incredibly.
After a while, Melody touched upon the sensitive part of their conversation, “Peter, I am curious to know why she had asked you to see her, not Jason? It was not about the assignment, was it?”
“Ehmm,” Jason muttered, readying himself to face more of her tough questions. “Jason was busy in the shop.”
Melody’s steady eyes seemed to scorch the side of his face, “Peter, you know what I mean, don’t you?”
“Yes...”
“So?”
Peter was struggling with his thoughts, in finding his proper responses or excuses. But he knew Melody was not to be fooled, and would be smart enough to figure things out, especially since she had long guessed that Lotus liked him. Therefore, the best option for Peter was perhaps to tell her a fair portion of the truth.
“Melody,” Peter began, thinking Melody would take this relatively easily, “Lotus, fearing she was going to die, told me she loved me. She said she had to say this before it was too late.”
A hard expression came to Melody’s face, which was much to his surprise. “See, just as I have long suspected, it is true,” she said, clearly upset, disengaging her body from him.
“Melody,” said Peter, trying with his arm to resist her body from moving away, “but you know there is nothing between us.”
“Nothing? Seriously Peter, nothing?” she said sharply, turning over with her eyes glaring at him.
“Yes, nothing, “ Peter said resolutely, “You know already, Melody, I only love you.”
Melody relented, softening her words. “Okay then, what did you do over there?”
“You mean in Parramatta?”
“Of course...”
“We didn’t do anything. I was quite shocked when she said that.”
“Nothing? I can’t believe it.”
Without Peter’s reply, Melody continued, “Did she cry?”
“Yes”
“What did you do then?”
Peter, agitated, said impatiently, “Melody, don’t chase me like that. The most important thing is that I love you, don’t you understand?”
“No, Peter, I do Not understand,” Melody spoke in a loud voice, “and I also know, you are too kind to refuse such things, and she is weak, don’t you feel you are more capable in front of her as a man?”
“Melody…”
“I am telling the truth, am I not?”
Peter could give no answer. And in time Melody also seemed to have lost her steam of going further with this. She turned and gave her back to him.
But neither of them could sleep.
In a while, to his amazement, Peter heard Melody sobbing. The sympathetic portion of his ‘love’, like a sew-saw, was now flowing from the weak Lotus to the less weak Melody. He put his hand on her quivering shoulder, and said, “Melody, please, I am sorry.”
At last Melody rolled over but continued to cry in his chest, till Peter felt he had to confess. “Yes, Melody, I should have refused her, when she asked me to kiss her. And I only kissed her cheeks, but then… “
Melody suddenly banged him hard with her bare fists, “See, I know, I know, you had done that…”
Peter rushed to his wits, deciding to halt the dangerous confession, “No, no, melody, we haven’t done that, I just … “
“Just what?” Melody cut him out, “I don’t believe you. If I were her, I would do everything to have the person I love, before I die.”
“But…” Peter made efforts to link his words, “But Lotus was not you, Melody, otherwise, she would have told me she loved me and had me years ago.”
“Peter,” Melody now shouted, sitting up, “You bad egg, are you trying to say you could have loved her, instead of me, if she had expressed her love earlier?”
“No, Melody, that was not what I meant.. I mean...” Being thus cornered, Peter had lost his words.
The two girls, the only two females he had been involved with in his life, who had opposite tempers and personalities, came to attack him by turns. And with no more words from Peter, Melody eventually gave up on her quest for a firm answer, which, if obtained, would certainly make both of them more unhappy.
The following days were very difficult for the couple. Whilst Peter was confused with love and like, pity and compassion, sick and delicate, Melody came to realize the boy she had liked and perhaps also loved, was drifting away. The kind-hearted Peter couldn’t resist a sympathy appeal from someone as weak as Lotus. After all, Lotus was the second woman he was likely intimate with, who could have given him another dimension of women's attractions, which was exactly what she had been worrying about. He wouldn’t possibly stay dedicated to a tangible person once his ‘love’ for women was thus divided, once his mind was poisoned by the comparison of different women.
The crisis continued to simmer. At the height of their frustration, they managed to make love to suppress it. But there seemed a third person flitting in their way, his passion seemed lessened, so was Melody’s. The desire for him brought by her jealousy of Lotus indeed increased but could only briefly last, whilst to him, the image of Lotus, with her pale skin, her delicate breasts, and her bare pubis, was so sticky to his mind, that his conflict and distraction continued to spoil his moments.
Till one day Melody couldn’t bear any longer. She said to Peter after dinner, “Peter, let’s get married right away after graduation.”
“Ah?” Peter was puzzled, knitting his eyebrows, as if this kind of question had never entered him at all. “Get married, why?”
“Well, if you don’t want to, then forget it,” Melody said, utterly disappointed, and ashamed.
And the fact that Peter had not followed up further with the topic, made her more so exasperated, that she had a strongest urge to slap his idiotic face. ‘Oh, my god, how could he have that stupid expression to her such a sacred asking? Who does he think he is? Such a short and poor idiot, one little boy from that poor and remote Sichuan province!’
Nevertheless, her anger, for some reasons, had only increased her feeling of loss, escalating her very desire of winning him back from Lotus. The more she became certain he was obsessed with that sick and weak girl, the more she seemed certain he was the man she must make as her husband. She wanted to see him cooking for her everyday; she wanted him to care for her throughout her otherwise lonely life.
But, Peter was now a different person. He was dumb. He seemed day-dreaming, cooking things without his mind on the things in the kitchen, without his usual nonsense but sweet babblings to her ears.
Desperate, she felt she had lost the world again, like when she had lost her grandma, like she had lost the Jacaranda Tree, and Cooper. Whatever feelings she had produced for Peter, the emergence of Lotus’ interference seemed to multiply them, and it was so unbearable if she had to lose him to Lotus.
And, Peter, would often wake up in the night, and he would examine Melody’s naked body. But in his vision, there were now two women alternating. One weak and pale, the other strong and tanned. And worse, looking at Melody’s body, he was inch by inch comparing it with Lotus', the breast, and the nipples and the…
At last Peter decided he could not tolerate the violation any more. “Melody, I think I better move out.”
“What Peter!” Melody said, shocked, though this very event had been for some time playing in her mind, “Why? So, you don’t love me anymore?”
“No, I think I still love you, but … “ he murmured, “I am confused.”
“Confused with what?”
“Confused with the thing called ‘love’.”
“Are you going to leave me?”
“Let’s separate for a while, before I can figure out what it is.”
“No, no, Peter,” cried Melody, her hot tears rushing out, “don’t leave me, Peter, you can stay in the guest room if you like, please?”
Peter was hesitating, but only for a little while. “Melody, you know that wouldn't help, don’t you think we both need to think carefully? And we are going to graduate anyway, let’s think more of our future, our work, our destination, as the priority, don’t you think so?”
Melody called up her wisdom, and knew Peter was right. Even though she didn’t want Peter to leave her right now, she was downright clear that sooner or later they would have to make a decision. She remembered her own words that they were both too young, there were too many things to think of before them.
And Lotus had only helped them bring the decision forward.
-- To be continued ---
