1 與藥無關/No Connection with Medicine
When the sick man entered the consulting room, the doctor smiled and said: "I am glad to see that you look much better today."
"Yes, I followed the direction on your medicine bottle," replied the sick man. The doctor asked: "What were they?"
The sick man replied: "Keep the bottle tightly corked."
病人走進診室時，醫生笑著說：“我很高興你今天看起來好多了。”
“是的，我是按照你給我的藥瓶上的說明做的，” 病人回答說。醫生問道：“什麽說明呀?”
病人回答說：“把藥瓶一直用軟木塞緊緊地塞住。”
2 我怎麽才能上天堂/How can I get into heaven
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the poor, would I get into heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday school class.
"No!" the children all answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "No!"
"Well, " I continued, "then how can I get into heaven?"
A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"
“如果我把房子和車賣了，在車庫舉行義賣, 並把所有的錢給窮人，我能進天堂嗎?”我問主日學校的孩子。
孩子們齊聲回答：“不能!”
“那如果我每天都打掃教堂，給院子的草坪割草，並且把東西都收拾得幹淨整潔，我會上天堂嗎?”
回答還是：“不能!”“好吧， ”我繼續問, “那我要怎樣才能升天堂呢?”
一個五歲的男孩兒叫道：“你得死了才行!”
3 總是坐在你身後/Always Sitting Behind You
Mr. Smith lived in the country, but he worked in an office in the big city, so five days a week he went to work by train every morning and came home the same way.
One morning he was reading his newspaper on the train when a man sitting behind him, who Mr. Smith had never met before, leaned forward, tapped him on the shoulder and spoke to him. The man said, "You're not leading a very interesting life, are you? You get on the same train at the same station at the same time every morning, and you always sit in the same seat and read the same newspaper."
Mr. Smith put his paper down, turned around, and said to the man angrily, "How do you know all that about me?"
"Because I'm always sitting in this seat behind you," the man answered.
史密斯先生住在鄉下，但他在大城市的一個辦公室裏上班，所以他一周五天每天早上都乘火車去上班，然後又乘火車回家。
一天早上，他在火車上正讀報紙，這時一個坐在他身後的男子(史密斯先生以前從未見過他)，向前靠著，輕輕拍他的肩膀，並對他講話。這男子說，“你的生活過得不是很有趣，是嗎?每天早上你在同一時間同一車站趕同一列火車，而且你總是坐在同一個座位上，讀著同一張報紙。”
史密斯先生放下報紙，轉過身來，生氣地對那人說道：“ 你怎麽知道關於我的這一切?”
“因為我總是坐在你身後的這個座位上。”這男子回答說。
4 一個睡覺的地方
By the time John pulled into the small town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere." he pleaded. "Or just a bed--I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired traveler assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning, John came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. When asked about how he slept, he replied, "Never better."
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope. I shut him up in no time."
"How'd you manage that?"
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," John said. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful.' With that he sat up all night watching me."
約翰開車來到這座小鎮時，旅館已客滿。“肯定還有空房的，” 他懇求道，“或是隻要一張床，睡哪裏都行。”
“好吧，我這兒確實有個雙人間，不過隻有一個住客，” 旅館經理答道，“有人分擔房費他會很高興的。可是實話告訴你，他打呼嚕的聲音太大了，住在隔壁的人都抱怨過。不知你這樣是否劃得來。”
“沒問題，” 旅途勞頓的約翰向他保證道，“就要這間了。”
第二天早上，約翰下來吃早飯，看起來精神煥發。當問及他昨晚睡得怎樣時，他答道：“從沒這麽好過。”
經理頗為驚訝：“這麽說，跟那個打呼嚕的人睡在一起什麽事都沒有了?”
“不是的。隻不過我很快就讓他閉嘴了。”
“你是怎麽做到的?”
“我進去時他已經睡著了，不停地打著呼嚕。” 約翰說，“我便走過去，在他臉上親了一下，說了聲‘晚安，美人兒。’ 於是他整晚再沒睡，一直盯著我。”
5 心不在焉的馬克·吐溫/Absent-minded Mark Twain
The famous American writer Mark Twain was well-known for his absent-mindedness.
One day, when he was riding in a train, the conductor asked him for his ticket.
Mark Twain looked for the ticket in all his pockets, but he didn't find it. At last, the conductor knew the writer, so he said: "It doesn't matter. Show me your ticket on your way back. And if you don't find it, there is no trouble."
"Oh, but I must find the dammed thing, otherwise how will I know where I am going?"
美國著名作家馬克吐溫以心不在焉著稱於世。
一天，他乘火車去旅行，列車員找他查票。
馬克·吐溫翻遍了所有衣服的口袋，也沒有找到車票。正好列車員認識這位作家，便說：“真的沒什麽大不了的。回來時你把車票給我看看好了。萬一找不到，也沒有多大關係。”
“哦，我必須找到這該死的東西，不然我怎麽知道自己要上哪兒去呢?”
6 早慧的小男孩/Precocious Boy
A little boy was wise beyond his age. One day he came home from the public library with a book. Its title was "The Care and Management of Children".
"Oh, my god," exclaimed his mother in astonishment. "What are you doing with a book like that?"
"Oh, " replied the precocious boy, "I want to see if I'm being brought up properly."
一個早慧的小男孩有一天從公共圖書館回家時帶回一本書，書名是《對兒童的照料和管理》。
他的母親驚訝得大叫道：“啊，我的天哪!你要這樣的書幹什麽呢?”
這個早慧的孩子回答說：“哦，我想看看我是否是在受到正確的教養。”
