1 競賽/Competition
Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Jon?
Jon: I won it in a race.
Bill: How many people participated in it?
Jon: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!
比爾：你從哪兒弄來的金表，喬？
喬：我賽跑贏的。
比爾：有多少人參加？
喬：三個人，一個警察，手表的主人和我！
2 狗的壞習慣/A dog’s bad habit
As a professional animal trainer, I was disturbed when my own dog developed a bad habit. Every time I hung my wash out on the clothesline, she would yank it down. Drastic action was called for.
I put a white kitchen towel on the line and waited. Each time she pulled it off, I scolded her. After two weeks the towel was untouched. Then I hung out a large wash and left to do some errands. When I came home, my clean clothes were scattered all over the yard. On the line was the white kitchen towel.
作為一名專業的馴獸師，我對自己的狗養成的一個壞習慣感到很苦惱。每當我把洗好的衣服搭在晾衣繩上時，它總會猛地把衣物全扯下來。對此，我必須要采取嚴厲的措施。
我在繩上搭了一條白色的廚房毛巾，每當它把毛巾扯下來時，我就會訓斥它一頓。兩個星期後，它再也不碰毛巾了。於是，我把許多洗幹淨的衣服搭在晾衣繩上後，就出去辦事了。等我回到家時，洗好的衣服分散在院子的各個角落，隻有那條白毛巾依然搭在繩子上。
3 快速逃命/A hasty retreat
After a week's absence, a mountain man staggered home, clothes torn, shoes worn thin. He was exhausted.
"Where have you been?" asked his wife.
"I went out in the woods." Replied the mountain man, "and a giant bear stepped out in front of me. I took off running ahead of him and finally lost him. I never ran so fast in my life."
"But that was a week ago." Said the wife. "Where have you been since?"
The mountain man collapsed in a chair. "Walking back."
離開家一個星期後，那個登山人搖搖晃晃地回到了家，他的衣服也破了，鞋底也磨薄了，他本人更是疲憊不堪的樣子。
“你到哪兒去了？”老婆問。
“那天我到森林裏去，”登山人敘述著，“忽然一隻大熊出現在我的麵前，我拔腿就跑，熊就在後麵追，好不容易才把它甩掉，我這輩子從來沒有跑這麽快。”
“可是那是一周前的事了，”他老婆說：“後來你到哪兒去了？”
登山人癱在在椅子上說：“往回走啊！”
4 大吃一驚/A surprise
We had just moved into a new school district, when brother was invited to a surprise birthday party. He didn't want to go, however, because he couldn't recall ever meeting the birthday boy.
"Ridiculous!" said my mother. "If he didn't know you, his mother wouldn't have invited you." And with that she packed him off to have a good time.
When Dave came home, Mom wanted to know how it had gone.
"Well," he said glumly, "We got there and everyone hid behind a couch. Then, when the boy came in, we all jumped up and yelled, 'SURPISE'. And he pointed straight at me and shouted, 'Who is he?'"
我們剛剛搬到一個新的學區，我哥哥就被邀請去參加一個驚喜生日聚會。他不想去，因為他無論如何也想不起曾見過那個過生日的男孩。
“莫名其妙！”媽媽說：“如果他不認識你，他媽媽是不會來要邀請你的。”說著，媽媽就把他送出了門去享受一個快樂時光。
大衛回到家後，媽媽很想知道聚會開得怎樣。
“怎麽說呢？”他無精打采地說：“我們到會後，大家都藏在一個沙發的後邊，等到過生日的男孩一進屋，我們就跳起來喊：“給你一個驚喜喲！”這時，他直直地指著我問：“他是誰？”
5 正在播放《白雪公主》/Snowy White is on TV
One day a customer called to a service representative at a cable-television company. She complained about the reception on the Disney Channel.
"Tell me what is wrong with it," the representative said.
She replied, "It's all snowy white."
"That's right." We're right now playing the Snow White.
一位顧客給有線電視台的負責部門打電話，她抱怨了有關迪斯尼那個頻道的接收質量。
“告訴我出現了什麽問題？”負責人說。
她說：“電視上一片雪白。”
“這就對了，我們正在播放《白雪公主》。”
6 牆衣太厚/Too many coats
After a two-week vacation, a man returned to his office and one of his fellow workers asked him what kind of time he's had.
"I spent the whole two weeks helping my wife paint the rooms in our house," he groaned.
"Does she do that often?"
"Well," came the reply, "when we moved in a few years ago, the guest room was nine by twelve. Now it's eight by eleven!"
兩周的假期後，一位男士回到了辦公室。一個同事問起他假期是怎麽過的。
“我花了整整兩周的時間幫我老婆粉刷房子的所有房間。”他歎著氣說。
“她經常刷房子嗎？”
“你問這個呀，”他答道，“幾年前我們搬進那座房子時，客房的麵積是9X12英尺，現在它的麵積是8X11英尺了。”
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