After your second revision,

After your second revision, there are much fewer errors. So I am just trying to correct the remaining ones. If my corrections are wrong, please tell me.

A member > members

last name > last names

In most cases, “grass” should be treated as a collective noun and go with a singular verb.

Took > take (this verb is after “would”)

the roadside of bare land > this is not incorrect, but sounds weird. “the bare land on the side of the road” might be a bit better

In front of the house across the dirt road was a huge pond in which a millions diamond pieces were glittering.
a millions > a million

Also, Chinese speakers can recognize “a million diamond pieces were glittering” easily as a metaphor but native English speakers may take it literally.

“Then Little Grass felt a sudden itch on her bare arm, and automatically her hand snapped. A mosquito was killed on her lower arm.”

The problem is with “automatically her hand snapped.” I think you meant to say “instinctively,” not “automatically.” Also, the verb “snapped” used intransitively can mean “broke.” Example, the branch snapped.
So you may want to change it to: ““Then Little Grass felt a sudden itch on her bare arm. Instinctively her hand slapped [at it], and a mosquito was killed on her lower arm.”

Bare-feet > barefoot

At the evening > In the evening

Her parents were scared and panic.
“Panic” is a noun. If you want to use it as a verb, it should be written as “panicked” in the past tense here.

“acted outside of herself”
If you meant to say she acted crazy, the phrase would be “beside oneself” but that phrase normally goes with the preposition ‘with” as in “beside oneself with grief/excitement.” So I would suggest you change it to “act unlike herself.”

half-awake
You'd use semi-conscious over half-awake when you are not referring to people getting sleepy.

handlers of the carts > handles of the cart
“Handles” and “handlers” are quite different, and I don’t see there were two carts, were there?

wide-spread > widespread

fire flies > fireflies

grave yard > graveyard

in the creek near the village
In the creek? Or near the creek or next to the creek?

20-mile-trip > 20-mile trip ("20-mile-trip" would be an adjective)

with splendid stars scattering in the dark blue sky > with splendid stars scattered in the dark blue sky
You cannot use “scattering” because the stars cannot perform the action of scattering.

“It is Japanese encephalitis B infection.” > “It is a Japanese encephalitis B infection.”

those unfortunate > those unfortunate to encounter them

timely > in a timely manner (“timely” is an adjective)

Her head hang down > Her head hung down

his father > her father

once shining and vivid as fall > once shining and vivid as waterfall
I assume you meant “waterfall” but if you use “fall,” it means “autumn.”

luxurious summer grasses > luxuriant summer grass

Three days later, Little Grass was in fever > Three days later, Little Grass had a fever
“in fever” could mean something different.

Children were especially vulnerable and many have been sent to the hospital > Children were especially vulnerable and many had been sent to the hospital

Her face was paper white and eyes were closed tightly > Her face was paper white and her eyes were closed tightly
Before he left. He broke a branch off a nearby willow tree > Before he left, he broke a branch off a nearby willow tree

Then life was hard > Life at that time was hard

brought books for her
Not sure if you meant “bought?”

At about 2:00 am > At about 2:00 a.m.

No need to capitalize “doctor”
No drugs > There were no drugs

When the drug were made available > When the drug was made available

所有跟帖： 

• One more -rancho2008- ♀ (81 bytes) () 07/11/2015 postreply 18:04:06

• Revised. Thanks a million. -JasmineZ- ♀ (180 bytes) () 07/12/2015 postreply 01:40:41

• Did you actually correct them? Many errors are still there. -rancho2008- ♀ (0 bytes) () 07/12/2015 postreply 08:52:10

• It is updated now. I must have hit 'Cancel' instead of update -JasmineZ- ♀ (139 bytes) () 07/13/2015 postreply 04:18:05

• There are more left uncorrected or your corrections are wrong -rancho2008- ♀ (2063 bytes) () 07/13/2015 postreply 12:10:35

• Updated. Thank you. -JasmineZ- ♀ (99 bytes) () 07/14/2015 postreply 04:58:40