1 急救課First-aid class
A man was telling friends how first-aid classes had prepared him for an emergency.
“I saw a woman hit by a car,” he said, “She had a broken arm, a twisted knee and a skull fracture.” “How horrible! What did you do?” “Thanks to my first-aid training I knew just how to handle it. I sat on the curb and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting.”
2 你今天晚上要幹什麽去?What are you going to do this evening?
Mrs. Jones was still cleaning the house when her husband came back from work. She was wearing dirty old clothes and no stockings, her hair was not tidy, she had dust on her face, and she looked dirty and tired. Her husband looked at her and said, “Is this what I come home to see after a hard day’s work?”
Mrs. Jones’s neighbor, Mrs. Black, was there. When she heard Mr. Jones’ words, she quickly said good-bye and ran back to her house. Then she washed, brushed and combed her hair carefully, put on her pettiest stockings, painted her face, and waited for her husband to come home.
When he arrived, he was hot and tired. He walked slowly into the house, saw his wife and stopped. Then he shouted angrily, “and what are you going to do this evening?”
3 第三隻雞留著自己吃The third, you may keep for yourself
A rich farmer’s son, who had been bred at the university, always came at Christmas, to visit his father and mother.
One evening, they were all three at supper, and two fowls having been served up, he told them that, by logic and arithmetic, he could prove those two chickens to be three.
“Well, said his father,” you ought to teach us how that can be done.
“Why!” Cried the scholar. “This is one, and that,” continued he, “Is two; one and two, you know, make three.”
“Very clever, indeed, and very funny,” returned the father, “but you ought to have told us also, how we are to divide those two fowls among us three, Perhaps you could not have managed that so easily, so I will assist you: your mother shall have the first fowl, I will have the second, and the third, you may keep for yourself, as reward for your great learning.”
4 請勿觸摸Hand off
At the art museum the sign “Hand off” was displayed before the statue of Venus. It was very easy to notice.
A small child looked from the sign to the statue and said disinterestedly, “Anybody can see that her hand has fallen off.”
5農場主和理發師The farmer and barber
When life was very hard, a farmer said to a barber:”Now corn’s lower in price. I think you should shave for half price. ”
“I can’t, sir,” said the barber, “I really should charge more because when corn’s cheap, farmers are unhappy and worried. All of them make such long faces that I have twice the ground to go over.”
6 誰是對的Who is right
After the couple’s quarreling, the husband shouted: “You should remember that no matter what tine it is, what the man is thinking of is right, and his judgment is correct, but you women are always do the opposite.”
The wife answered, “Yes, that you chose me to be your wife is right, but my choosing you as my husband is a big mistake!”
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