"It seemed that my mother’s fate was predetermined even before she was born – tribulation, gnawing sorrow, and a teary face."
1. "...my mother's ill fate was...", there has to be an adjective like "ill" before "fate" for any listing of negative events and sense of predetermination.
2. If "predetermine" is used, something more specific than the vague "tribulation, sorrow, face" should be named. For example, loss of father before birth, missing of mother at young age, etc.
3. It's better to place any explanation of the "fate" immediately after "fate".
4. "even before she was born" should be followed closely by the story about the father because the story serves as sort of an explanation.
So the sentence should be rearranged as:
It seems my mother was destined to ill fate--tribulation, gnawing sorrow, and tears--even before she was born. She had never seen her father.
1. "...my mother's ill fate was...", there has to be an adjective like "ill" before "fate" for any listing of negative events and sense of predetermination.
2. If "predetermine" is used, something more specific than the vague "tribulation, sorrow, face" should be named. For example, loss of father before birth, missing of mother at young age, etc.
3. It's better to place any explanation of the "fate" immediately after "fate".
4. "even before she was born" should be followed closely by the story about the father because the story serves as sort of an explanation.
So the sentence should be rearranged as:
It seems my mother was destined to ill fate--tribulation, gnawing sorrow, and tears--even before she was born. She had never seen her father.
