This is going to be fun. I found it easier to work on someone else's effort.
* His
看花詩思發，對酒客愁輕。
Looking at flowers, poetic inspiration occurs;
Facing wine, the sorrow of a traveler becomes less.
* Yours
看花facing the flowers詩思發my poetic ispiration soars high
對酒drinking wine客愁輕the sorrow of this traveler turns lighter
* Standing on your shoulders, I have mine.
看花詩思發，對酒客愁輕
Appreciating flowers inspires poetic thoughts;
Imbibing wine lightens a traveler's worries.
"愁" could be worry or agitation. If "worry" is too light, then making it plural will definitely tilt the scale. "Sorrow" is a bit heavy, don't you think? I am not a poet, just a thought.
* His
看花詩思發，對酒客愁輕。
Looking at flowers, poetic inspiration occurs;
Facing wine, the sorrow of a traveler becomes less.
* Yours
看花facing the flowers詩思發my poetic ispiration soars high
對酒drinking wine客愁輕the sorrow of this traveler turns lighter
* Standing on your shoulders, I have mine.
看花詩思發，對酒客愁輕
Appreciating flowers inspires poetic thoughts;
Imbibing wine lightens a traveler's worries.
"愁" could be worry or agitation. If "worry" is too light, then making it plural will definitely tilt the scale. "Sorrow" is a bit heavy, don't you think? I am not a poet, just a thought.
