I feel very sorry for your traumatized childhood. I can only imagine how hard it is for a child to lose the love, care, and protection from the father. Sometimes it helps to comfort ourselves to put our own sufferring in a bigger picture, to remind ourselves that at that time of hardship millions and millions of others, kins and our fellow countrymen alike, suffered as we did. Both my mom and dad lost one parent at very young age. My dad said he was very fortunate when comparing to people like his aunt, who married into our clan at 14 after losing both parents and lost her hu*****and in her 30s and 6 of her 7 children to disease, famine, and war.
I hope you leave the sad memory behind, enjoy what this beautiful world has to offer, and give love and care to people around you, especially your hu*****and and children. You may not think about it, but probably your family are also victims of your traumatized past, of the confusion, bitterness, and anger that you may have harbored and lashed out on them. Instead of entangling yourself in the sad memory, try to reach out to your mom, love your hu*****and, and resolve to provide the best parenthood to your children.
May peace be with you and your family.