多謝閱讀！目的還是基本文法和句子是否通暢。想通過上學，下苦功埋頭苦讀來改變命運，可是最近發覺自己本身基礎不單差記憶力又下降，眼睛視力又下降，真是空有一腔熱情，流水落花春去也，天生人間！。。。歡迎建設性的指點！ 不知道現在該去讀那些文法讀物？請老師建議，簡單的薄的書就好了。
A Glimmer of Hope
I remember I was about 9 years old back then. It was an evening. In the kitchen room, I helped my grandmother with dinner preparation. Quietly and carefully I had a few things done in grandmother 's bidding, trying to stay away from making mistakes. In my memories, if she was not in a good mood or if I had done something against her wish she would point the finger at me or even beat me if dared talk back, and she might yell at me:"Don't you dare talk back to me, girls are not allowed to talk back to adults, you understand?" as she beat me with a bamboo stick and stopped only when I cried very hard. I didn't understand, I didn't understand why it was a shame for girls to have their own thoughts while boys deserve to have good food and don't need to do housework the same time. But that evening, she seemed to be in a delighted mood. All of a sudden, she pointed to two Chinese characters written on the surface of an old fertilizer bag which was packed with hays and asked me:"Are these two Chinese characters 中國製造？ ” ， I said:"Yes grandmother." , then out of my curiosity I inquired:"Grandmother you understand Chinese? I thought you did not go to school."
In the dim light, I could not see what grandmother's facial expressions looked like. She kept silent for a moment that she seemed to cast her mind back long time ago and far away in somewhere, and then in a soft voice she said:" When I was your age, I didn't have any opportunity of going to school, but my younger brother did. I was around when he was doing his homework and reading books aloud, so I learned some words along with him. " After a gentle sign, grandmother continued to tell me more, that back in Vietnam, a long time ago, her father was a local government official designated by the French government which at that time had the country of Vietnam under its control. But as a girl from a Chinese family, grandmother still was not allowed to go to school. Her brother later on became a local Chinese school principal.
Probably my grandmother believed in fate, so she thought I should duck my head in front of fate too. Compared with my grandmother, my mother was an easy person, despite of that more or less she was also influenced by those damn thoughts of feudalism--she didn't have a very strong desire to learn how to read and write. I remember being very hopeless while accompanying her at her deathbed. Looking out her bedroom window, seeing sunset, except signing, I was depressed and speechless. However, I had an epiphany when my eyes met a copy of newspapers on the seat of my father's bicycle. I picked it up and asked mother if she would like me to read her a piece of news. She nodded with a smile. Flipping the papers, instead, I chose a joke to read. She laughed when the laughing point was reached. I was glad that I could make her laugh while she was suffering.
My mother was an amiable person, very nice to everybody, seldom to lose her temper. The hardships of living in poverty in that country for almost 30 some years did not defeat her strong mind. Because lack of education and imagination due to being illiterate, she never be able to tell me a good story, the only story she told me was a very short and simple one, which is similar to the story of Three Pigs which is said to be a popular story for kids today. After settling down in Canada, because I am the one who learns English, so ever since I am the one who is responsible for taking care of letters from government or business companies and so on. Every time when I asked my mother to sign her signature on some documents she would just gave two crosses. I once encouraged her to go to ESL English class after work, but she went only once and then she decided not to go there anymore. She said that place was not for her. So I decided to give up after a few attempts. I love her, no matter if she was willingly to learn or not, and I hate to see that she was not able to survive cancer.
Today while my Chinese friends talked about their happy childhood, talked about the children's books they had read, talked about the delicious food they had eaten when they were small, I found that I had nothing to be proud of, maybe? I don't know. I remember once a person advised my mother not to release our refugee status at the workplace in order to stay away from being discriminated, I was like "Ridiculous!" However, maybe that person was right, being illiterate and doing the less desirable job to make a little money, I would not be shocked at the prejudice against her --nice people and unfriendly people are everywhere, in spite of their nationalities. So I decided as long as I am able to breath, I would never let anyone to bully her, to give her a standoffish glare. As time goes on I gradually have a hint that I should not follow the same path that my mother and my grandmother walked on. No, I never want to be illiterate, that would be a nightmare. The thing is I don't know how many books I should read or how many years I should study in university to enable me to become a knowledgeable person like the professor who interpreted The Great Gat*****y in the video and outstanding friends in MYSJ, who have always been my role models. Maybe, I just want to be myself, be confident and keep doing what I am doing. There is a glimmer of hope, sometimes I could see out there somewhere. To live a happy and fulfilling life, to do things I like to do. A little voice inside me says.
These days, I have found that the more I read the more my horizon was broadened, and I wish as well more good quality could be added to my personal development. Every day I try to write and read something. I probably still read in Chinese intonations and write in Chinese way, but who cares? I told myself, as long as I keep writing I will make progress gradually. Maybe, unconsciously, or in some sense actually, I am not only reading and writing to improve myself, I am also reading and writing for my mother and my grandmother who never had opportunities to pull themselves out of the black bottomless pit the fate had dug for them.
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