It's a good translation. Grammatically, however, it looks like a run-on sentence?
...Derek is one of ....., the performance of ... is that ....
Run-On Sentences.
Just as there's nothing inherently wrong with a long word, there's nothing wrong with a long sentence. But it has to be grammatical. A run-on sentence is ungrammatical, not just long. It often happens when two sentences are run into one without the proper subordination or punctuation. Two sentences glued together with only a comma produce a comma splice, a kind of run-on: for instance, “The semester runs through April, the break begins in May.” There are a number of ways of fixing this comma-splice: “The semester runs through April. The break begins in May”; “The semester runs through April, and the break begins in May”; “The semester runs through April; the break begins in May”; “The semester runs through April, whereas the break begins in May,” and so on. See Semicolon and Dependent versus Independent Clauses
Source: http://andromeda.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/Writing/r.html#runon
Comma Splice.
A comma splice is probably the most widespread variety of run-on sentence: it's where two independent clauses are stuck together with just a comma. You usually need some better way to attach them to one another: use a period or a semicolon in place of the comma; use a coordinating conjunction like and or or; or use a subordinating conjunction like because or although. [Entry added 10 December 2006.]
Source: http://andromeda.rutgers.edu/~jlynch/Writing/c.html#commasplice
