英語部分來自網絡：
1) A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now. Load—a bunch of (。。。當我死的時候嗎？ 當然願意上天堂了。我以為你現在就領一幫人上去呢。) 酒多傷身
2) I weighed myself today and have come to the conclusion, I gotta buy some lighter underwear. （ 稱體重時候的一個重要環節就是---一定要把自己脫得赤果果，這樣才見效）
3） HMMMM, laundry tonight or naked tomorrow （那麽懶，沒衣服穿就最好別出來嚇人）
4） To all my friends and relatives who have sent me best ‘wishes’, chain letters, ‘angel ‘letters or other promises of good luck.
NONE OF THOSE WORKED.
Could you please just sent cash, vodka, chocolate, Italian food, wine, or airline tickets instead? Thank you! （的確如此。yao情書還是支票？）
5） Some people have “muffin tops”, some people have the whole damn bakery, PLEASE dress accordingly!!! Thanks（能穿bikini tops 誰要穿馬糞 tops？）
