匆匆看了一下，覺得

比你那個托福口語的寫得好多了，是你老公幫寫的？嗬嗬。

總體建議：句子有點太長，run-on sentences 太多。

象這一句：

Some people don’t think it is necessary for parents to limit the hours while other think this is very important for parents to do so and this is also my opinion.

This is also my opinion 的this，我知道你是指的後麵這一個觀點。但是沒必要把這個闡述自己觀點的句子放在這裏一筆帶過，應該突出一下。

別的沒時間改了。要帶娃出去玩了。

所有跟帖： 

• 謝謝妹妹鼓勵。 -blueswan- ♀ (701 bytes) () 05/21/2011 postreply 18:07:49

• 妹妹，口語應該怎麽樣寫呢？ -blueswan- ♀ (136 bytes) () 05/21/2011 postreply 18:13:50

• a few corrections -海外逸士- ♂ (450 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 06:08:33

• 真的太感謝了，您在我心中可是大大師級的。 -blueswan- ♀ (100 bytes) () 05/23/2011 postreply 19:51:05