秋高氣爽！這個周末去閨女學校參加一年一度的Family Weekend活動。上午觀賞了音樂係主辦的Music Recital，其中有閨女的古箏演奏。這次閨女演奏了她自己譜曲的遊子歸。等我從百忙(吹牛)之中擠出時間，一定會給這個曲子填上歌詞。
閨女在音樂方麵，早就青出於藍，讓她爹望塵莫及了。她譜寫的Dream of the Ice, Universe Dancer, 兼合了西洋與中國風的特色，非常有想象力與靈性（尚未發表，暫時為閨女保密哈）。她自編自導自唱的In Ten Years（厲害了，我的爪閨女！），得到了音樂界專業人士的中肯。當然，最令我為之感動與驕傲的，是她為紀念奶奶專門譜寫的Journey（原創歌曲：天堂之旅-獻給媽媽）
不過，如果我不再忙著吹牛，重新回歸音樂，潛心創作，以爪哥對音樂的理解力，以及對詞曲的把握能力，一旦粉墨登場，高調亮相，全中國包括港澳台的音樂創作人都會無地自容，遠離音樂，看破紅塵，循入空門...
一不留神又吹上了哈哈。
下午去參觀了閨女學校的"Exploration" exhibition，閨女的3D作品是展品中的亮點之一。閨女對繪畫情有獨鍾（女兒的震撼作品，看了女兒畫的畫，我覺得自己老有所養了），不過，她開始在3D方麵的探索，還是近期的事。
閨女無以倫比的想象力，以及能把Imagination與文字轉化成3D實物，並精準表達出來的能力，讓我再一次驕傲地對四嫂說：
閨女的藝術與文學細胞100%來自她爹的 X chromosome, 跟她得到的您那根兒 X chromosome沒半毛關係。所以，辛辛苦苦拿三個博士有個啥用，啥也沒傳下來，哈哈哈哈...
四嫂：你說啥？我沒聽清楚，再說一遍。。
四哥：我。我。我。我是說幸虧閨女繼承了您的才藝，她爹的相貌，否則也拿不到美國華裔最佳才藝小姐的桂冠哈哈。（爪閨女選美記-大結局篇，爪閨女選美記：再向金神行）
四嫂：看來，你今天節奏感挺強。
四哥：啥節奏？
四嫂：找掐的節奏！
Family Weekend，是閨女學校一年一度的盛會。全國各地的愛心父母包括爪哥的偶像，當年Hollywood超級巨星Richard Gere，紛紛來至濱海小城，巴結巴結地與樂不思蜀的孩子們重述天府之國的美好哈哈。可惜俺比老帥哥晚到一天，無緣見麵，太遺憾啦！
秋高氣爽，景色宜人，美得讓人窒息...
於是乎濕性大發，有詩一首，讓Family Weekend的親情融化在濃濃的秋色中...
嗯，既然來了，必須到此一遊，留下爪的痕跡哈哈
備注：
這是閨女在展覽現場，關於這個作品的詳細解說。說到動情時，閨女愴然淚下。不少現場的觀眾們也陪她一起落淚，講解完畢後，全體在場觀眾則報以雷鳴般的掌聲。。。
My artwork, "The Parts of Me that you Don't See" is about my struggle to come to come to terms with my Chinese identity as I grew up. If you look at this girl in the red backpack, this symbolizes that when I was younger in elementary school and early middle school, I had about equal influences of my Chinese culture and American culture. After all, even though I went to regular American school, a huge deal of my time was spent at home--where I was speaking to my parents in Chinese, learning how to play the guzheng, a 21-stringed Chinese harp, memorizing chinese poems, attending Chinese school on the weekends.
However, as I got older, as academics, extracurriculars, sports teams, and friendships outside of home formed, I began losing that part of me, and by a certain point, I started seeing the Chinese side of me as bad. I lived in a 95% white town, I was the odd one out, the person who looked different and was plugged under stereotypes of what it means to be Asian: someone who's nerdy and studies too much, someone who's unathletic and only good at ping pong, someone who doesn't have an active social life. I've had people ask me "Did you parents drop pots and pans down the stairs to name you?”I've had people pinch their noses in disgust from the smell of my lunches. In highschool, in attempt to defy those stereotypes and just be "normal", I turned my back away from my culture and embrace the "white" (which you can see in my artwork. I pretended to be stupid, I bought school lunches, I played sports like basketball and volleyball, I tried not to integrate myself into east-asian friend groups or post pictures on instagram with Asian friends. In the process of embracing the white, I didn't let the beautiful sounds, colors, and symbols of my culture touch me. I even stopped playing the guzheng, I even grew uncomfortable with saying my own name. The red only became just a small sliver in my hair.
But the important thing is that this red is not all gone, and it will eventually come back.
Now, The interactivity in my artwork implicates the beauty and importance of exploration. Take this piece from above at a normal perpendicular perspective of how we view drawings, you see this girl hugging and embracing the white, and everything seems alright, perfect, beautiful, fluffy and pretty. It looks like a welcoming dream.
However, it's only when you explore the piece from the side, take it from another perspective do you see excessively repeated phrases. (“?,”“who am I?”,“I hate myself") showing that I'm struggling to define myself, going through an internal crisis. all the perfect structures I've created are poised to shatter like a city of glass.
It's only when you explore from the side do you see the eyes staring back, my self-consciousness and anxiety that everyone's watching me, that I'm being judged and scrutinized wherever I go.
It's only when you explore from the back do you see a flap on the white that says silence; meaning I had cut out the music in my life which was so meaningful to my growth.
Lastly it's only when you explore from the bottom do you see a naked woman underneath the path of the little girl, symbolizing the vulnerability that comes with being stripped of all my layers and masks. This is a vulnerability I tried to hide, disguise, mask, and it's not easy to find unless you really get the time to get to know me, explore me, and understand me.
And it's a vulnerability that took a while for me to find in myself too. And that's the importance of exploration. Sometimes things in the surface may not always be what they seem. It takes time, approaching from a different perspective, examining with a different angle to truly understand an issue, or idea, or person
As for next My self exploration is also represented by the motif of a door that appears in many locations- sometimes it's closed, sometimes it's open, and it comes into larger force in the back of my artwork. There, my past self gazes at the path leading to the door, constantly questioning whether I should open or close my identity. Over the years, I have crossed out "open"and "close” countless times, and even now, I still haven't reached a definitive conclusion because my self-concept and identity are always wavering and shifting, struggling to accommodate both my Chinese and American side.
However, I think it's important that I've come to terms with this struggle, and one defining moment that helped me realize the power of my culture and give me a wakeup call was when I composed a guzheng piece for my grandmother. I've played the guzheng for a long time which was a connection to my Chinese culture that I never really lost, but this was the first time I was making something of my own heart and feeling, and it lifted me to such a different perspective, gave me a feeling of empowerment. The song is about how in my childhood, my grandmother came all the way from China to America to help take care of me. She not only ensured I was a healthy child growing up but she also taught me about my culture, etc. However, she left for China when I was ten and never came back to America again. I missed her for many years, and this period simultaneously corresponded with my loss of culture. However, in 2017 when I started picking up the guzheng again, I qualified to compete in a CCTV competition in Beijing, where my grandmother lived, and I knew I could see her again. I was so excited to meet her that I composed this song for her. The beginning symbolizes my love and longing for her and the second half symbolizes excitement of seeing her after so many years of separation. This song is called "Returning Home." It not only talks about returning home to my grandmother, but also a return to my culture, my identity, and how I've appreciated it so much after travelling away from it.
