To start with, the ethical list:
1. First and foremost, check in with HR to see what kind of severance pay and other benefits your company offers. You need to know where you stand.
2. If all looks well, let HR know that you’d volunteer to take redundancy if there was downsizing at the company. Not only are you making life a whole lot easier for HR, you’re also planting the seed that you’re not 100% committed to the job.
3. Let other people take credit for your good work. And, adversely, you can take some of the blame for projects that went wrong. Even if you weren’t actually working on it, people love a scapegoat.
4. Nurture your own replacement. If you see a bright, shining star with serious ambition, you can let everyone know that they’re perfect for your role. A few comments here and there like “wow, that Brian kid is one amazing worker…he’s even teaching me a thing or two, and I earn way more than him!” OK, well choose your own words, but you get the idea.
5. Start using up your remaining vacation time. This is free money and it’s also a good way to get noticed for being absent a lot.
6. Have a computer? It’s time to become a web surfer. Employers really don’t like you using the Internet at work to do your shopping and watch movie trailers. Don’t be blatant about it, but if Ebay is on the screen whenever your boss walks by, it won’t make you look like employee of the month.
7. Sleep at your desk during your breaks. Not every day, but dozing off once in a while can certainly help you stand out as a mediocre employee. If you don’t have a desk, use the break room or another public place. Remember, there’s nothing that says you can’t take a nap during your breaks…it just doesn’t look great.
8. Renegotiate your salary. It’s usually a delicate subject but now, you have nothing to lose. It can give you the confidence to ask for more and you may just get it, giving you a reason to stay. If you have a new job offer, why not take the terms you received at your new job and ask your old job if they will match it?
9. Look into employee benefits and start asking thoughtful, insightful questions. For instance, why doesn't your company have a day care program? What’s the paternity leave policy? Can I get reimbursement for professional conferences? Start circulating this discussion among other employees. At the very least, you will stand out as a hero to them and, possibly, a thorn in the side of HR.
10. Start enjoying every available company perk. If you have employee discount programs, use them often and in large amounts. If you get reimbursed for further education, take lots of classes.
11. Talk enthusiastically about additional education and training in a field completely unrelated to your job. For example, if you work at a tech company, talk about how excited you are about getting your new real estate license.
12. The most important rule, and the simplest: Do the minimum. Be less than you can be. You should never be exceeding expectations if you’re looking for a pink slip. As I heard once, “she had delusions of mediocrity.” So should you. This is a surefire way to place your head on the layoff chopping block, and when used with another tip from above, it could get you the pink slip and severance package you’re looking for.
