1. There is a reason why the original poster is where she is at: a working ABD with lots of extra curriculum activities, and that reason is: She is a very capable lady who has always thrived on challenges, and will continue to do so, regardless of what you or I have to say here.
2. Why the dilemma, then? What dilemma? There is none. She asked for suggestions for getting out of a make-believe dilemma that did not exist, not even in the original poster's mind. Then, why did she post what she posted? That, pardon me for saying so, is a question best left to a psychologist/psychiatrist.
3. Take-away from this rather-well-dug "hole": Hers, if we can call it a dilemma at all, is one many would give their firstborn to get into. Put another way, say what you want, the original poster is happy enough where she is, and we all will be better off if we just leave her alone enjoying her happiness quietly.
Now, allow me also to say a few words about your suggestions:
a) Sure, job performance is important, but dissertation and publications are certainly not useless or can be muddled through with sloppy scholarship.
b) Lubricating coauthors/former professors? I thought the other way around is more appropriate, unless/until you make more than the parties you are trying to lubricate.
c) Delegating/deputizing is laudable, but then, to many, power (including perceived power) is addictive (and therefore, hard to part or give up). A more desirable, if not always practical, way-out is: Assert your leadership role, set clear expectations, and expect better results.
