很多很多問題

隨手撿幾個出來：

1 大方向：it is all about me, me, me - Ask not what the new position can do for you, but what you can do for your new boss.  You got to convince the HM that you are the best candidate, not only you want the job.

2 語法錯誤 I've been working ...

3 語氣錯誤 - 最後一句，說話要客氣

So please consider my request in the meeting of HR. - sounds this is an order.

客氣點兒：I'll be honored, I would really appreciate ... if you would consider my request of blahblahblah

所有跟帖： 

• 非常感謝，我一定按您說的改，如果你有時間的話，請再多提寶貴意見。 -doudouhuang- ♀ (0 bytes) () 11/29/2010 postreply 09:08:16

• 表達你有興趣,問此職是否有合適人選了.表達你能做那工的優勢.隨付簡曆,願意就此職位have further discussion -julie116- ♀ (0 bytes) () 11/29/2010 postreply 12:35:16