this one also is good: Crucial Confrontations

Taken from amazon.com...

Crucial Confrontations: Tools for talking about broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior
by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny (Author), Ron McMillan (Author), Al Switzler (Author)

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Product Deion
The authors of the New York Times bestseller Crucial Conversations show you how to achieve personal, team, and organizational success by healing broken promises, resolving violated expectations, and influencing bad behavior

Discover skills to resolve touchy, controversial, and complex issues at work and at home--now available in this follow-up to the internationally popular Crucial Conversations.

Behind the problems that routinely plague organizations and families, you'll find individuals who are either unwilling or unable to deal with failed promises. Others have broken rules, missed deadlines, failed to live up to commitments, or just plain behaved badly--and nobody steps up to the issue. Or they do, but do a lousy job and create a whole new set of problems. Accountability suffers and new problems spring up. New research demonstrates that these disappointments aren't just irritating, they're costly--sapping organizational performance by twenty to fifty percent and accounting for up to ninety percent of divorces.

Crucial Confrontations teaches skills drawn from 10,000 hours of real-life observations to increase confidence in facing issues like:

*An employee speaks to you in an insulting tone that steps crosses the line between sarcasm and insubordination. Now what?
*Your boss just committed you to a deadline you know you can't meet--and not-so-subtly hinted he doesn't want to hear complaints about it.
*Your son walks through the door sporting colorful new body art that raises your blood pressure by forty points. Speak now, pay later.
*An accountant wonders how to step up to a client who is violating the law. Can you spell unemployment?
*Family members fret over how to tell granddad that he should no longer drive his car. This is going to get ugly.
*A nurse worries about what to say to an abusive physician. She quickly remembers "how things work around here" and decides not to say anything.

Everyone knows how to run for cover, or if adequately provoked, step up to these confrontations in a way that causes a real ruckus. That we have down pat. Crucial Confrontations teaches you how to deal with violated expectations in a way that solves the problem at hand, and doesn't harm the relationship--and in fact, even strengthens it.

Crucial Confrontations borrows from twenty years of research involving two groups. More than 25,000 people helped the authors identify those who were most influential during crucial confrontations. They spent 10,000 hours watching these people, documented what they saw, and then trained and tested with more than 300,000 people. Second, they measured the impact of crucial confrontations improvements on organizational and team performance--the results were immediate and sustainable: twenty to fifty percent improvements in measurable performance.

From the Inside Flap
"...revolutionary ideas...opportunities for breakthrough..." -- Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

"...unleash the true potential of a relationship or organization and move it to the next level...."-- Ken Blanchard, coauthor of The One Minute Manager® and The Secret: What Great Leaders Know--and Do

"... the most recommended and most effective resource in my library."-- Stacey Allerton Firth, Vice President, Human Resources, Ford of Canada

"...brilliant strategies for those difficult discussions at home and in the workplace..."--Soledad O'Brien, cohost of CNN's Morning Edition

"This book is the real deal....Read it, underline it, learn from it. It's a gem."-- Mike Murray, VP Human Resources and Administration, Microsoft (retired)

NEVER WALK AWAY FROM ANOTHER TOUCHY, CONTROVERSIAL, OR COMPLEX ISSUE--AT WORK OR AT HOME!

Behind the problems that routinely plague families, teams, and organizations are individuals who either can't or won't deal with failed promises. Others have broken rules, missed deadlines, or just plain behaved badly. If anybody steps up to the issue, they often do a lousy job and create a whole new set of problems.

New research demonstrates that these disappointments aren't just irritating. They're costly—sapping organizational performance by 20-50 percent and accounting for up to 90 percent of divorces.

Crucial Confrontations teaches skills drawn from over 20,000 hours of real-life observations to increase confidence in facing tough issues. Learn to:

# Permanently resolve failed promises and missed deadlines
# Transform broken rules and bad behaviors into productive accountability
# Strengthen relationships while solving problems

When you learn how to handle crucial confrontations, everything gets better.


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Average Review: 4.5 Stars


62 of 66 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Peril or Opportunity? , October 14, 2004
By Robert Morris (Dallas, Texas) - See all my reviews
(TOP 50 REVIEWER) (REAL NAME)
As I read this exceptionally informative book, I was again reminded of the fact that the Chinese word for "crisis" has two meanings: peril and opportunity. As those who have been or are now involved in process simplification initiatives already know, every problem encountered offers a valuable learning opportunity. The same is also true when encountering "broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior" either within or beyond the workplace. The authors of this volume address questions such as these:

What's a "crucial confrontation"?
What to do before one occurs?
How to know when -- and when NOT -- to initiate one?
How to "get your head right before opening your mouth"?
How to begin a crucial confrontation?
How to involve and engage others to take appropriate action?
How to make keeping commitments (almost) painless?
What to do when others "get sidetracked, scream, or sulk"?
What to do after a crucial confrontation?
How to gain commitment and move to action?
How to solve "big, sticky, complicated problems"?
How to deal with the truly tough? (i.e. the twelve "yeh buts")

The authors also provide four appendices: A self-assessment for measuring confrontation skills, "The Six-Source Model," "When Things Go Right," and discussion questions for reading groups. Although any one of the appendices is worth far more than the cost of this book, their greatest value will be derived when the information and counsel are correlated with the material which the authors share in the nine chapters.

My own rather extensive experience in the business world suggests that "broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior" really do offer both perils and opportunities. A careful reading of this book and then an equally careful application of the advice which the authors offer will, in my opinion, reduce (if not eliminate) the former while helping to achieve effective fulfillment of the latter.
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52 of 55 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars Re-Hashed but Good, March 17, 2005
By NHansen www.thehappines*****log.com - See all my reviews
If you have read Crucial Conversations, then you are already very familiar with this book and its contents. The fact is, this book is a re-hashing of Crucial Conversations; however, this time, the principles shared seem more applicable than they were before.
I think that this book is the real and better application of the authors' main principles. It is an easy and quick read and the language is very simple and direct. The book discusses ways to have a confrontation in which results are gained and friendships are not lost. It is a win-win approach. I do believe that this book can and does help. I did not particularily like the Crucial Conversations because it wasn't real earth shattering and seemed to simple. This time, however, the subject of "confrontations" seems more open to the authors' intentions-- thus a better read.
This is a good book to read and a better book to apply.

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30 of 34 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The Essential Guide to Confrontation, September 23, 2004
By Stuart Gardner "www.sdgardner.com" (Fair Lawn, NJ) - See all my reviews

We all have confrontations to deal with in our daily lives, both at work and at home. I head technology audit for a company and confrontation is a daily fact of life. Holding people accountable for actions, inactions and trying to change behavior is a stressful part of many people's jobs. This book provides an effective approach to handling all aspects of confrontation.

It even provides the often overlooked need for (effective) confrontation. Book illustrates this point with the example of the Challenger space shuttle tragedy (could have been averted had known issues been raised) and the tragic-comic example of a patient who went into hospital with an ear ache and came out with a vasectomy - because he wouldn't speak up!

Importantly, the authors provide practical approaches that can be applied in the real world in everyday life. This book's lessons can be applied in both professional and personal life. Wish I had it years ago.

This is a field guide for generating postive outcomes from confrontation in all aspects of life. An excellent what, when and how guide.
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