Dear Architect:

Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I
need, so you should use your discretion.

My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just
make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or
deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final
decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each
configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than
the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all
the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen
vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don’t have nearly enough
insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly
maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the
incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl or composite
siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain
your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest
materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a
showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted,
however, that the kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among
other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To ensure that you are building the correct house for our entire
family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our
in- laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the
house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year.
Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and come to the
right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that
you make.

Please don’t bother me with small details right now. Your job is to
develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time,
for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet.
However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to
build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and
specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect
the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind
that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore
should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make
sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the
population in my area that they like the features this house has.

I advise you to run up and look at my neighbour’s house that he
constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that
we would also like in our new home, particularly the 25 meter swimming
pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our
new home without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at
this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for
construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held
accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later
design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as interesting a project as this!
To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given
such freedom in your designs is something that can’t happen very often.
Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

P.S.

My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions
that I’ve given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility
to
resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable
to accomplish this. If you can’t handle this responsibility, I will have to
find another architect.

P.P.S.

Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please
advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.