1 直率的牙病患者/No Frills Dentist Appointment
The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen made it clear he was in a big hurry.
"No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"
Mr. Cohen turned to his wife Becky. "Show him, honey."
科恩夫婦被領進牙醫辦公室。科恩先生聲明說他非常著急。
“大夫，不要太貴的材料”，他說，“不要麻醉氣、麻醉針或者類似的東西，撥出牙就行了。”
“但願我所有的病人都象你一樣有忍耐力，”牙醫欽佩地說。“現在告訴我，你要撥哪顆牙?”
科恩先生轉向他的妻子貝基說“親愛的，給他看。”
2 班花
There was an election contest for Class Beauty. Xiao Li was a talented girl, but quite plain-looking. She walked to the speaker's platform with courage and delivered her election speech, "Dear classmates, although I am an ordinary-looking girl, I hope all of you can vote for me. After a few years, when girls in our class get married, you can speak to your husbands proudly, 'When I was in college, I am prettier than the Class Beauty.'"
As a result, her speech won everyone over. She was elected as "Class Beauty" unanimously.
班裏公開選舉班花。小麗是個才女，但是相貌平平。她大膽地走上講台，發表自己的競選演說：“各位兄弟姐妹，雖然我長相一般，但是我希望大家投我一票。幾年以後，在座的姐妹們結婚了，可以驕傲地對你們先生說‘我上大學的時候，比我們的班花還漂亮。’”
結果小麗的演說打動了所有人，她以全票當選“班花”。
3 Salt Water
A traveling salesman had to walk so much that his feet often hurt. His doctor told him that salt water was the best thing for them, so the salesman decided to go to the sea for his vacation that year. Since all of the hotels near the sea were expensive, he went to a small hotel far away from the beach.
In the morning, he went down to the calm sea with a bucket, went over to the lifeguard and asked whether he would be allowed to take a bucket of salt water. The lifeguard seemed very surprised but said, "Yes, although you'll have to pay twenty-five cents for it."
The salesman gave the lifeguard twenty-five cents, filled his bucket, took it to his hotel and put his feet in the water.
After lunch, he came down to the beach again. The tide had gone out now, so the sea was much lower. The salesman thought, "That man has a very good business. He must have sold thousands of buckets since this morning."
一個旅行推銷員不得不步行很多以至於他的腳經常受傷。他的醫生告訴他，鹽水對他們來說是最好的，所以那個推銷員決定到海邊去度假。因為海邊附近的旅館都很貴，所以他去了離海灘很遠的一家小旅館。
早上他拿了一個桶走向平靜的大海，走到救生員那裏，問他是否允許帶走一桶海水。救生員似乎很吃驚，但說：“是的，不過你得付二十五美分。”
推銷員給救生員二十五美分，裝滿了水桶，把它拿到旅館，把腳放進了水裏。
午飯後，他又來到海灘上。潮水已經退了，所以大海比以前低得多。推銷員想：“那個人生意很好。從今天早上起他一定賣了幾千桶。”
4 What?
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on average only 15000 words a day, whereas women use 30000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
He said, "What?"
丈夫給妻子看了一項調查結果，為了向她證明女人比男人囉嗦。研究表明男人平均每天使用15000個字，而女人每天使用30000個。
妻子想了一會兒說，女人每天說的字數是男人的兩倍，因為她們必須重複已經說過的話。
他問：“什麽?”
5 你能說多少英文？/How much English can you speak?
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
“法官先生，我的當事人被指控偷竊，這是多麽不公正啊。他一周前才來到紐約，幾乎不認路。而且，他隻會說幾個英語單詞。”
法官看了看被告，問道：“你會說多少英文? ”
被告抬起頭，說：“把你的錢包給我!”
6 心不在焉的教授
Absent-minded Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet!
Wife: Didn't you feel a hand in your pocket?
Absent-minded Professor: Yes, but I thought it was mine.
心不在焉的教授：天哪！有人偷了我的錢包！
妻子：你難道沒感覺到一隻手伸進你的口袋？
心不在焉的教授：感覺到了，可我還以為那是我的手呢。
