1 去國會/To Congress
After voting on Election Day, I stopped at a bakery. As the cashier rang up some cinnamon rolls and doughnuts for the man ahead of me, the customer joked, "Do you guarantee these don't have any calories?"
Straight-faced, the clerk responded, "Absolutely no calories."
"You know where you'll go if you lie like this?" the man teased.
"Yes," said the cashier. "To Congress."
選舉日投票之後，我在一家麵包店前停了下來。當收款員為排在我前麵的人包起桂皮卷和炸麵圈時，那名顧客開玩笑道：“你敢肯定這些東西不含任何卡路裏?”
那名職員板著麵孔回答說：“絕對沒有卡路裏。”
“你知道你那樣撒謊會去哪兒嗎?”那人取笑道。
“知道，”收款員說道，“去國會。”
2 改錯別句
Teacher: Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field".
Student: A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher: Why?
Student: Ladies first.
老師：改錯別句，“一頭公牛和一頭母牛正在田野裏吃草”。
學生：一頭母牛和一頭公牛正在田野裏吃草。
老師：為什麽？
學生：女士優先。
3 好好保護
Customers often share their experiences while they are shopping at my sister's horse-tack and riding-apparel store. Not surprisingly, safety is a primary concern when choosing equipment. Once, when I was helping on the sales staff, a woman looking at head gear insisted on the best available.
"I've spent well over $100,000 on my brain and need to take diligent care of it," she said.
Alarmed, I asked, "Did you have a head injury?"
"No," she replied. "I graduated from college."
顧客們在我姐姐的馬食和騎馬服商店裏買東西時，經常彼此交流個人經驗。毫不奇怪，安全是在購買裝備時考慮的一個主要因素。一次，當我在銷售處幫忙時，一名挑頭盔的婦女堅持要買最好的一種。
“我已經在我的腦袋上花了遠不止十萬美元，需要好好保護它，”她說。
我吃了一驚，問道：“你的頭受過傷嗎?”
“沒有，”她說，“我從大學畢業了。”
4 及時購物/A Fitting Purchase
A woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and deep sighs, it was obvious she was in an extreme hurry and was not happy about the slowness of the line.
When the cashier called for a price check on a box of soap, the woman remarked indignantly, "Well, I'll be lucky to get out of here and be home before Christmas!"
"Don't worry, ma'am," replied the clerk. "With that wind kicking up out there and that brand-new broom you have there, you'll be home in no time."
一位婦女在商場的收款處排隊等候。她的雙臂夾著拖把和掃帚，手裏拿著其它的清潔用具。從她的動作和深深歎息中，明顯看得出她非常著急，對於隊伍緩慢的移動很不開心。
當收銀員打電話核查一盒肥皂的錢時，那婦女憤怒地說: "吭。我能夠在聖誕前離開這兒回到家裏就很幸運了。"
"不用著急，女士。"店員說，"帶上你的全新掃帚，隨著那陣風衝出去，你轉眼就會到家。"
5 太久/Too Long
The travel editor of a newspaper called, saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier. She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct. "I also wanted to make certain," she sheepishly confessed, "that you're still alive. Whenever the writer has died, I know I've held a story too long."
一家報紙的旅行版編輯打來電話，說她終於決定要采用一篇我幾年前寫的文章。她想確定那旅遊信息是否還可靠。“我還想確定，”她怯怯地坦白道：“您是否還健在。每次發現作者已經不在人世了，我才知道我將文章壓得太久了。”
6 童話開篇/Fairy Tales Beginning
The little girl had just listened to her mother's reading one of her favorite fairy tales.
"Mommy," asked the child, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once Upon a Time'...?"
"No, sweetheart," replied the mother, "sometimes they start with 'Darling, I must work a little late at the office tonight'."
小女孩剛剛聽母親講了她最喜歡的一篇童話故事。
“媽咪，”小女孩問，“是不是所有的童話故事開頭都是‘很久很久以前’。”
“不，寶貝，”母親回答，“有時它們的開頭是‘親愛的，我今晚不得不在辦公室裏加班，晚些回來’。”
