1 金發女郎的夢/A Blonde's Dream
One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream every day, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chased by a vampire!
Doctor: (Giggles quietly) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes, it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull."
有一天，因金發女郎每天都有同樣奇怪的夢，所以她去看醫生。
醫生：你的夢是什麽呢？
金發女郎：我正在被吸血鬼追逐！
醫生：（靜靜地笑）那麽情景是什麽樣的？
金發女郎：我正在大廳裏跑。
醫生：然後發生什麽事？
金發女郎：那是奇怪的事情。 在每一個夢中，同樣的事情發生了。 我總是來到這個門，但我不能打開它。 我一直在推門，推門，但它一動也不動！
醫生：門上是否有什麽字母？
金發女郎：是的。
醫生：這些字母是怎麽拚寫的？
金發：是“拉。”
2 我在給鍾表加油/I'm Cheering the clock on
There was a football game on TV last Saturday evening. The game was between a Spanish team and an Italian team. I sat in front of the TV at 7 o'clock, when the game just began. An hour later, my wife came to join me. She seemed to be absent-minded while she was watching the game. As the time clock showed one minute, forty-two seconds left in the game, she began cheering enthusiastically, "come on -- get going!"
Since she had never been a football fan, I looked at her in surprise and asked which team she was cheering for. "Neither," she replied. "I'm cheering the time clock on."
上周六的晚上，電視上播放了一場足球賽，是西班牙隊對意大利隊。7點鍾，球賽剛一開始，我就坐到了電視機前。一個小時後， 我的妻子也坐到了電視機旁。妻子在看球賽的時候一副心不在焉的樣子。當記時器顯示比賽還剩1分42秒時，她突然異常熱情起來，“加油，加油!”
她從來都不是球迷，我吃驚地望著她，問她支持哪個球隊。“哪個也不支持，”她答道，“我在給鍾表加油。”
3 I Drop my Weight from Skipping
Mr. Smith was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost 5 pounds."
When Mr. Smith returned, he had lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
Mr. Smith nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead by the end of that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping!"
史密斯先生嚴重超重，所以他的醫生讓他節食。
“我希望你正常吃2天，然後跳過一天，重複這個程序2周，下次見到你的時候，你會減輕5磅。”
當史密斯先生回來看醫生後，他已經減掉了近二十磅。 “為什麽，真太棒了！” 醫生說：“你按照我的指示做的嗎？”
史密斯先生點了點頭。 “我告訴你啊，我以為我會在第3天結束之前死掉。”
“你是說因為饑餓？”
“不是，因為跳躍！”
4 The Grounded Conductor
Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad, and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.
The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking, "What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Tom says, "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"I'd run down to the tracks and use the manual lever," answers Tom.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the
inspector.
"Then," Tom continues, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Tom argues, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh, well," says Tom, "in that case I'd run into town and get my Uncle Leo."
This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."
湯姆正在申請當地鐵路公司的一個信號員的工作，並被告知要在信號箱那兒見檢查員。
檢查員決定給湯姆一個小測驗，問：“如果你意識到兩列火車在同一條軌道上相對而行，你會怎麽做？”
湯姆說：“我會把一列火車換到另一條軌道。”
“如果換道杆壞了呢？” 檢查員問。
湯姆回答說：“我會跑到鐵軌上，使用手動杆。”
“如果手動杆已經遭雷擊了呢？” 檢查院繼續盤問。
“那麽，”湯姆繼續說道，“我會跑回這來，用手機打電話給下一個信號箱。”
“如果電話占線呢？”
“在這種情況下，”湯姆主張，“我跑到街道上，使用車站附近的公共電話”。
“如果那個已經被毀壞了呢？”
“哦，好吧，”湯姆說，“在這種情況下，我會跑進城裏，叫上我的叔叔利奧。”
這使檢查員感到困惑，因此他問：“你為什麽要這麽做呢？”
“因為他從來沒有見過火車相撞。”
5 任意鍵
"My computer is telling me to press any key to continue. Where is the 'any' key?"
“我的電腦告訴我按任意鍵繼續。‘任意鍵’在哪兒呢？”
6 向嬸嬸道歉
Dad: "Son, how can you call your aunt stupid? Go and say sorry to her."
Son: (goes over to the aunt) "Aunt, I am sorry you are stupid."
爸爸：“兒子，你怎麽能叫你的嬸嬸笨蛋呢？去跟她說聲對不起。”
兒子：（走到嬸嬸麵前）“嬸嬸，我很抱歉你是笨蛋。”
