1 如何掙的錢/How He Made His Money
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The time of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. "
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. "
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. "
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
一個年輕人問一個年老的富人怎麽賺的錢。
老人指著他的精紡羊毛背心說：“呃，兒子，那是1932年。大蕭條的時候，我隻剩下最後的一個5分錢硬幣。”
“我把這硬幣投資在一個蘋果上，我花了整整一天的時間來拋光蘋果，最後我把蘋果賣了10美分。”
“第二天早上，我把這10美分投資到兩個蘋果，我花了整整一天的時間拋光他們，並在下午5點賣了20美分，我這樣幹了一個月，到月底我攢了1.37美元。”
“然後我妻子的父親去世了，留給我們兩百萬美元。”
2 你不懂我老婆
At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it.
The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech."
The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she gives me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"
在一次宴會上，演講者，一位榮譽的客人，即將發表演講時，他的妻子坐在另一端的桌子上，遞給他一張寫著“KISS”的一個小紙片。
坐在演講人旁邊的客人說：“你的妻子一定很愛你，我看到她在你演講前給你一個‘KISS’。”
演講者微笑著解釋說：“你不懂我妻子。她給我的“KISS”代表“保持簡短，笨蛋”。
3 遊戲的一部分
Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much? Play quietly like Eddie. See, he doesn't make a sound.
Mary: Of course, he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.
媽媽：瑪麗，你為什麽這麽大喊大叫？像埃迪一樣安靜地玩耍。看，他不發出聲音。
瑪麗：當然，他不發聲。媽媽，這是我們玩的遊戲的一部分。他是爸爸回家晚了，我是你。
4 我想給它個驚喜
Lady: I'd like to buy a sweater for my dog.
Clerk: What size?
Lady: I have no idea.
Clerk: Well, why don't you bring in the dog and try one on?
Lady: Oh, I can't do that. I want it to be a surprise.
女士：我想給我的狗買一件毛衣。
店員：多大尺寸？
女士：我不知道。
店員：那你為什麽不把狗帶進來試試呢？
女士：哦，我不能那樣做。我想這是一個驚喜。
5 超速的理由
A cop pulled a car over on the highway for speeding.
When he asked for the driver's license, the driver argued, "Speeding? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance between my car and the car behind me."
警察在高速公路上叫停了一輛因超速行駛的汽車。
當他要求駕駛執照時，司機說：“超速行駛？但是警官，我隻是想在我的車和我後麵的車之間保持一個安全的距離。”
6 你的幾率是百分之百
Patient: Doctor, please tell me the truth. What are my chances of recovery?
Doctor: Just one hundred percent! Statistics show that only nine out of ten die of the disease. Now nine of my patients have already died of it. You are the tenth!
病人：醫生，請告訴我真相。我康複的機會是什麽？
醫生：百分之一百！統計顯示，隻有十分之九的人死於疾病。現在我的九個病人已經死了。你是第十個！
