周末一笑: 墓地驚魂(ZT)

1 墓地驚魂

One dark night two guys were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery.

When they got to about the middle of the graveyard they were startled and stopped moving.  There was this terrifying noise, “TAP-TAP-TAP” coming from the shadows.

Trembling with fear, they spotted an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath.

“You SCARED us half to death. We thought you were a GHOST! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!!"

2 半個還是十分之五

Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?

Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.

Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.

Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.

3 看情況

Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?

Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.

4 電子郵件

A man left for a vacation to Jamaica.

His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail message.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: "Dearest wife, just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here."

5 同去

At midnight father saw that his married son leaving home... He asks him: what are you doing?
The son replied: Dad I am fed up with my life! My newly marriage is not going well, my wife and my mom keep fighting with each other! I have to pay bills for my in-laws, and I hate this life!!! I want to go far from here, I want to taste every joy of life, and I want to have every fun of life!!!
Father said: Wait!!!!!!!! I am coming with you.

6 親戚

A couple drove several miles down a country road with intense silence. Not a word was said to each other. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede his position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?” "Yep,” the husband replied, "in-laws ".

 

所有跟帖： 

• played karting today, dressed close to spaceman -走馬讀人- ♂ (0 bytes) () 09/19/2015 postreply 18:08:56

• You must have had a good time, 走馬讀人, have a nice weekend! -南山鬆- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/19/2015 postreply 19:18:58

• #2，Gerald is such a thoughtful kid. -肖莊- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/19/2015 postreply 21:31:13

• Yes, he is very smart:) 肖莊, have a nice weekend! -南山鬆- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/20/2015 postreply 07:38:23

• LOL，enjoy reading every single joke：） -beautifulwind- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/21/2015 postreply 10:43:14

• Thanks beautifulwind, have a nice week! -南山鬆- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/21/2015 postreply 17:40:15

• haha, what an email! It is SO funny. -~葉子~- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/24/2015 postreply 15:39:35

• 哈哈,奪命郵件:) 問好葉子,中秋快樂! -南山鬆- ♀ (0 bytes) () 09/26/2015 postreply 04:53:27