1 Parking Expenses 停車費
A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000.
The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"
The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for 15 bucks?"
2 How did you start the flood? 你是怎麽引起洪水的？
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met a lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, " I'm here because my house burned down, and the insurance company paid for everything. What are you doing here?"
"That's quite a coincidence," said the doctor "I'm here because my house were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"
3 Blonde Detectives 美女偵探
A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect,he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answers,"That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says,
"Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he has only one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds,"What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says,
"Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he has only one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds,"What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point,he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks,
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"，
He quickly adds "... think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm... the suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...“wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"，
He quickly adds "... think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm... the suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...“wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that.
He leaves the room and goes to his office,checks the suspect's file in his computer,and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it... it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses.
Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
4 Taking attendance點名
On my first day of classes at my University I took a front-row seat in my literature course.
The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose. Then he ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book and began,
"Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..." I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student in back of me whispered, "He's taking attendance."
5 Bargain 討價還價
My son, a used-car dealer, showed his customer a 2005 Chevy in great condition.
"And it's only $7, 000," he told the man.
"I'm willing to give you $3, 500," said the customer.
My son feigned disappointment. "If at all possible," he responded, "I'd like to sell you the whole car."
6 Prepare Yourself. 自己做好準備
A story around campus has it that a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading:"Mo-flunked all courses. Kicked out of school. Prepare Pop."
Two days later he received a response:"Pop prepared. Prepare yourself.”
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