這是昨夜讀了濟慈的蚱蜢詩後寫的，附貼兩位翻譯教授和英語社區網友點評：

以下是廖康老師點評： “不嚴格要求抑揚格的話，寫得相當不錯，很流暢。如果真想改進，則需在轉折上下功夫。好的十四行詩都有意思上的變化（比如開始說好，後來說壞，反之亦然。我認為這比抑揚格更重要），連寫了很多十四行詩的馮誌都沒有做到。”

廖康博士

（加州蒙特瑞國際研究學院翻譯研究生院教授）

http://baike.baidu.com/subview/2648908/10768883.htm

 

Yuanxiang老師點評：

“ 建議慢點來  - yuanxiang -  ♂ 給 yuanxiang 發送悄悄話  yuanxiang 的博客首頁  yuanxiang 的個人群組   (23 bytes) (7 reads) 08/03/2016  07:20:48  (1)  

• 多謝元老師指正！ 夏安！～  - 小貝殼weed -  ♀ 給 小貝殼weed 發送悄悄話  小貝殼weed 的個人群組   (0 bytes) (2 reads) 08/03/2016  10:23:27   

• 我覺得總體還是很好的。中英雙語都這麽好，不容易。  - yuanxiang -  ♂ 給 yuanxiang 發送悄悄話  yuanxiang 的博客首頁  yuanxiang 的個人群組   (0 bytes) (0 reads) 08/03/2016  10:28:37 ”

英語社區網友點評：

“usually not the biggest fan of rhyming poetry but this feels better than most... not super forced (only forced rhyme for me was "complain/train", being the first line it did stand out a bit)

also i think chickadees may have had their time in the poetic limelight... i understand if in your mind the birds are literally chickadees but if any songbird would do theres so many to pick from with names just as fun. sorry i know its a weird critique, just something that came to my mind.

i feel this really creates a nice pastoral scene to live in, builds a picture of lower alabama for me, brought me right to being a kid escaping the heat to go to the coast.

writing happy poetry seems difficult and i liked this one, so bravo 　”　

 

"A delightful poem - but oh how I wish it was only 20° Celsius here. That would be my idea of comfort and bliss.

I really did enjoy your poem though, even though I was jealous of the cool temperature! "

http://www.writingforums.com/threads/167355-I-Love-You-Summer!?p=2022949#post2022949