Pied Beauty by Gerald Manley Hopkins
繽紛的美麗by Gerald Manley Hopkins
Glory be to God for dappled things —
讚美我主讓世界五彩斑斕-
意見:好譯
For skies of couple-color as a brinded cow;
奶牛的花班繪成彩雲片片;
For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
絢麗斑點隨鱒魚鱗光閃閃;
意見:上兩句好譯。
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches' wings;
熟栗墜地如火躍, 紅雀鼓翅任飛旋;
意見:finche’s wings譯成“紅雀鼓翅任飛旋”是否脫離了dappled本意?
Landscape plotted and pieced — fold, fallow, and plough;
田畝畦畦,宜壟宜休或宜耕;
And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim.
工貿濟濟,齒輪皮帶機器鳴。
意見:這裏的“田畝畦畦”跟下句的“工貿濟濟”譯得非常好,但是否有辦法突出那個dappled?
All things counter, original, spare, strange;
世物多相諱,原始的,多餘的或奇怪的;
意見:“相諱”,好譯,但“原始的,多餘的或奇怪的”突然有點口語化。
Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)
不管是多變的, 多斑的(誰知為何)?
意見:Whatever is fickle是否是分句,freckled是主句,譯文是否應該把這主次表達出來?
With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
快,慢, 甜, 酸, 閃光的, 黯淡的;
意見:在譯文裏用分號將對比表現出來。
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:
萬般皆美麗, 造物永不變:
意見:應該是” 所有的美都會變化,而造物的美不變”, 即“萬美皆變,造物永恒”的意思。
Praise him.
讚美祂吧。
意見:把“祂”改成“他”或更好。