I had a crazy argument with P, who has been one of my best friends for nearly 5 years in the States. The argument was about something important to me yet trivial to him (well, a good example shows men and women are from different planets, hehe..). His refusal of cooperation disappointed me and drove me nuts. Our cold war lasted for two days until we finally chose to talk open-heartedly in an adult way. P told me that he treasured our friendship but he had his peculiar way, a way I didn't fully understand. Now our relationship is back to normal. However, I could not help thinking about how to treat a friend.
Undoubtedly, one should show respect for his/her friends in the first place. But how? In my humble opinion, one should believe in friends and accept their performances. People have different personalities thus different ways to be friend. Some people treat friends like lovers. They would like to do everything to please friends without asking for anything in return. And yet it often turns out not true. Those who think that way may actually demand more, which has been unconsciously hidden deep into their hearts based on their personalities. It reminds me of a shameful quarrel between a middle-aged woman and a young man, who worked in the same unit for over a year. The man complained the overwhelmed sister-like woman intruded too much upon his working and personal issues. The woman firmly believed that he bad-mouthed her and stabbed her in the back though he swore he was innocent. Unfortunately, their friendship has never blossomed. They could hardly keep business relationship either though both of them were good-natured. The way they handle their relationship was questionable and somewhat immature.
When people start a relationship, including friendship, they see the partners through rosy glass with honeymoon eyes. They are excited to adventure a brand new interesting person. They enjoy giving rather than receiving. As time goes by, soon the intoxicating honeymoon is over. Their partners are not as attractive as they used to be or supposed to be. They start to ask for something in return. The imbalance of giving and receiving is sprouting and growing in their hearts. It is simply human nature. But it could be avoided. People need private space, where no one but himself is allowed to touch. Accordingly, they may treat friendship in a way not as the partners expect. Even husbands and wives are not two-complete-overlapping circles, let alone friends. Neither too close to nor too far from is a wise choice in terms of getting along with each other. Keeping distance and not crossing the personal line may be the basic rules and best strategies to survive in any relationship. This is not indifference but respect. We need to learn to respect people in the way both are comfortable with. People all try to find affection, care and mutual admiration in life. Unfortunately, they are somehow hard to be defined and all depend on one’s feelings. There is rarely equal love and fairness in a relationship. One should try to balance the giving and the receiving out and benefit both sides of the relationship.
Friends are like books, which need to be read carefully and intriguingly. Friends are like tea, which need to be tasted slowly and gently. Friends are like mirrors, which will reflect the way one performs in the relationship. Friends are like a fountain of treasures, which will benefit one another for a whole life.
Thanks for coming. I am glad you like my mimic statements, hehe..
yes, I love haing friends, sharing with friends, supporting mutually to each other. Same to you, right? welcome abroad.
Helen,thanks for having faith in me. You are so nice.
Actually, it was I who was about to cross the line. Unfortunately, I didn't notice until he politely yelled stop.I was careless. The brightside was neither of us was willing to lose each other.
yes, you are right. Nothing is more comfortable than being oneself. We love freedom. We hate being intruded or forced. One of the responsibilities in friendship is to respect the partner's private world except one is requested to enter. hehe..
Guess what? before I posted it here, I emailed him. He protested against my statement of cold war. He didn't think he fought with me at all. What a shame!!! I was completely a solo. haha...
Hey,thanks for stopping by and commenting my essay.
I am so sorry that I have not visited your for a while. Nevertheless, still remember your warm encouragement and comfort when I felt blue.
How have you been by the way?
Hmmm, I tried to figure out what the problem was. Well, hard to tell, since the picture you drew was fairly vague. I'm not God. ;-)
It is very important in any relationships--let others be themselves. No matter what one person's motivation is, good or bad, if he/she makes the other one uncomfortable and being intruded, time for stop.
I guess, your friend might have crossed a line and triggered your uspetness. Honey, if I were you, I definitely let him know if I still wanted the friendship. I am sure you did.
Smile......sweet dreams