My friend told me that Ellen, her 3 years old daughter, cried again last night. When she asked why, the little girl told her mother heartbreakingly that she missed her Dad again.
Her father was dead by accident last year when he was on duty in another city. He was only 31 years old at that time. From then on, my friend and her family had to painfully think how to explain to Ellen why her father could not come back anymore, and how to help her to smoothly accept the truth that her father had gone forever. In the beginning, she frequently asked when her father would be back. She even happily dreamed of playing and traveling with him like they used to do. The grownups tried to make her believe that he would come back whenever he finished his job there. They kind-heartedly hoped that she would forget him while time went by. Little by little, Ellen became frustrated; especially when she saw her friends were sent or picked up by their fathers from the kindergarten. She often stood beside her friends, looked eagerly and admiringly at their fathers. After the tragedy happened, my friend hid all things which could possibly remind her of her father, including his clothes, pictures and books. For Ellen’s sake, my friend deeply buried her pain of losing husband forever in her heart and mentioned nothing about him in front of her. However, there must be a specific bond between daughter and father. This mysterious blood-bond power showed her everything although she could not speak it out, my friend believed. Sometimes, she excitedly told her mother that dad would be back soon. Sometimes, she ruefully begged her mother to take her to the city, which she thought her Dad was supposed to be. Sometimes, she bewildered and asked if her father did not like her anymore and gave her up. She was even afraid that her mother would also leave her someday because she might not be an adorable girl. Sometimes, she murmured to herself like that kitty’s Dad was dead, so was kitty’s Mom and only a lonely kitty was left.
While time went by, her father’s image was getting vaguer and vaguer, which might be a good thing to both herself and everybody in the family. Although she still mentioned him from time to time, she could not remember what her father looked like and what his name was. However, she cried at nights without any reason now and then. Whenever she was asked why, the answer was always missing her father. People will never imagine what a kid really thinks, how complicated her thoughts really is, how much intuition she has. Kids are much smarter than we grownups think. My friend finally decided to tell her the truth. But how? How can a 3 years old kid understand what death is?
One day, Ellen saw a group of ants on the playground and she asked her mother why some of them were not moving. My friend realized that this might be a good chance to mention death to her. My friend told her because those ants were dead, which meant they could not move or play anymore, they could not go home to be with their kids anymore. Ellen kept silent for a little while and seemed understood something. In September, my friend’s grandpa passed away. Ellen did not know it so she asked for playing with great grandpa as usual. My friend told her that great grandpa passed away because of old age. When people were old, they would die. However, sometimes young people died from accidents, such as car crash, or drowning. My friend purposely tried to make her know what death meant. However, she refused to accept it. She insisted that her father would not die because he was still young. How can grownups force a little girl to accept that she lost her father forever? Ellen would rather believe her father would never be back without any reason than he was dead. When my friend asked her one night if she’d like mom to find her a new dad after a long time crying, Ellen miserably admitted that her dad would never come back and she eventually asked her mother to find a good father for her.
As a grownup, I barely think about death because I am still young and it is too early for me to think about it. However, as a little girl, Ellen had to bear the pain of losing her father. Whenever I think of this story, I can not hold my tears. I feel very sorry for lovely Ellen, for her painful experiences, which may affect her whole life. I wish Ellen would be blessed by her dad in heaven. I hope she will have a great stepfather to take good care of her. I wish this fatherless experience would be only like a dream in her life, gone with the time.
