Friend Online

There are many essays or comments about friends online. People discuss if friends online are real friends, if friends online should meet, what the consequences it would lead. Those are always very popular topics. In my opinion, friends online are real friends too if one takes the friendship seriously and sincerely.

I met him online four years ago. He is not talented on writing beautiful words. The way we established our friendship was mainly talking. Our topics were very extensive, included survival in this country, work hard and work smart, dealing with stress, establishing self-confidence, education and culture in the Sates and China, workout, improving us, even something related to sex (only classroom discussion). Because he has been living here for more than 10 years, he gave me many good suggestions about leading a better life. He used to “function” as the bridge over my trouble river. Basically, we shared some common ideas and thoughts. But we did argue and sometimes were mad at each other. However, as a grownup, we chose to deal with our differences of opinion rationally. Once I asked him why our online friendship could last for such a long time. He summarized as mutual respect and mutual trust. Yes, we respect each other, especially the other’s privacy. We gain the other’s trust gradually by showing a real one without mask in front of the computer. We always keep distances; never try to meet each other. We define our friendship only online. We never try to take advantage of the other. We show care and concern to the other. We share the same concept: friend in need is friend indeed. Friendship is mutual.

To me, the principles for making friends online are the same as that in real life. Actually, the world is getting smaller by connecting through internet. The internet provides people an effective way for making friends. However, the mysteriousness of internet beautifies people. People instinctively like adventure, like pursing beauty. In this case, making online friends does take some time and needs more patience. I believe online writing and talking do reflect one’s personality to some extend. But still one needs some time to figure out if the person is suitable for you. People definitely can be touched by a good saying or a passionate poem. When it happens, slow down a little bit unless you don’t really want the person whom you admire to be one of your friends, especially when people plan to meet face to face and try to step out of the internet and go to the real world. Friends are not perfect. Friends are somehow intimate partners. Being a friend, one only needs to admire or share some of friend’s aspects. Making friends, one needs to know if you and your friend match each other in personality, either on the same level to share similarities, or one tries to be a preacher and the other likes being a learner, or maybe in some other scenarios. Either way is fine but the prerequisite is to respect each other. Do not try to take advantage and hurt the other. Do not think he/she will never see you so you could do whatever you want. When I contact with my online friends, it is like I am talking to them face to face, especially those who posted their own pictures in their personal files. With this state of mind, one will show a real self before friends. Friendship is mutual and easy to establish but hard to keep. Therefore, one needs to have a big heart. People need to communicate, need to admire and be admired, need to care and be cared, like and be liked. So don’t be so mean to your friends, even if they are only living online. Show the concerns, the thankfulness and the blessing to friends. Be happy what they are happy for. People tent to hope a long term friendship. The reality is just an opposite though. So when friends have to separate for some reasons, the most important thing is that some precious memories will be cherished forever in one’s deep heart.

 

These clichés are written for myself. A saying pops up into my mind 無知才能無畏. Maybe I am so stupid that I am brave to speak out all of the above.

 

 

[melly]

P.S. One of friends asked why we didn't meet. I told him this might be the best way for us to communicate. We have our line and limitation. keeping distance and not crossing the line would be the better choice. I do not disagree that online friends to meet each other as long as both of you have a big heart. However, different people have different destinies. It is highly individual-dependent.