Already Trying to Leave the House

For a while now Evan has been going through a phase where he doesn't listen to others well and doesn't pay enough attention to people / things around him. He would do things like jumping on top of you in the spirit of happiness, but only ending up hurting you with his enthusiasm.  This has caused many "fights" between him and Olivia even though they love each other. He also gets upset very easily and would cry if you say "no" to him, disagree with him or try to explain why he should not do what he did. Sometimes it can be very frustrating.

Most of the fights between Olivia and Evan started with Evan accidentally bumped into Olivia's head or other body parts when they played together before dinner time. I know it can hurt very badly and because it hurt very badly, Olivia became very mad and would hit Evan back. Evan would then cry to me or Daddy saying Olivia hit him. We would tell Olivia not to hit back and Evan pay attention not to bump into Olivia and hurt her. Olivia would then feel so wronged that she would start to cry saying Evan had bumped her so bad that it almost killed her. We would tell Olivia that Evan did not intend to but simply hurt her by accident. We then turn to Evan telling him that he should try not to be so clumsy and end up hurting people.

Evan of course would get upset and cry in this voice neither me nor his Daddy can stand for an extended period of time.  What he said the most in situations like this was: "I am not eating dinner" and we would say: "Fine, just don't ask for any snack and you won't have any food before you go to sleep." Most of the time, by the time dinner was ready he had already forgotten what he said and would eat dinner with us. But about a week ago, when another episode like this happened when I was cooking dinner, he screamed: "I am leaving home!" which completely caught me out off guard that I didn't know how to respond for a moment. He actually put on his shoes and without any jacket tried to open the door. Luckily the door was double locked and he could not open it.

Two days ago, Evan and Olivia ended up both crying for exactly the same reason before the dinner time again and this time it was with Daddy. When both of them got criticized, Olivia went back to her room upstairs and Evan threatened to leave home for the 2^nd time, to my surprise, I heard Daddy said: "Okay, don't forget to wear your jacket, it is cold out there."

What? He didn't even try to persuade him not going? It was cold and dark outside and he is not even 6 years old. I was of course very worried. Where would he go? But I know after what Daddy said, there was no way back for strong willed Evan and this time he actually opened the door and walked out to the dark for real.  After hearing Daddy walk out after him, my heart was back into my stomach.

I know deep down Olivia cares a lot about his brother. She came downstairs shortly after Evan went out and asked where Evan was. I told her what happened. She said: "All right, if they don't get back in an hour, I will have to go out and look for them."

But she could not hold on for two minutes, she went out to the porch and started to yell in the dark: "Daddy? Evan?"

Probably realizing that there was really no where he could go, after walking around the block and half-way down the street, Evan turned around. I later asked Evan where else he would go in such cold dark weather, he said he would go to his friend Ryan's home which is in the same neighborhood. "I know how to go to his home" he told me.

Recalling from my childhood when I was much older than Evan now, the thought of leaving home came up too when I was scolded by my parents but it was more like this: "How nice it would be if I don't live in this house and don't have to listen to all this." But I knew I had nowhere to go and I could not survive on my own as a kid. And more importantly, I knew I would only end up with worse punishment after I returned.

I think kids' having extreme thoughts such as leaving the house when conflict occurs is probably because the parents and the children have not found an effective way to communicate with each other. Leaving home is an easy way to escape the problem. So Evan's episode alarmed me that I need to be more patient and let him know that leaving the house is not the way to solve the problem when he gets upset.  I also need to work harder to find a way to communicate with him better and help him through this phase he is going through.