盧岩回憶錄
本人的回憶錄，宗教文化
目錄 Catalog：1. 順皇寵愛的情人 Emperor Shun's Favorite Valentines；2. 兩隻暈羊Two Fainting Sheep；3. 禍起蕭牆 Trouble Arises from Within；4. 天兵降臨 Sky Soldiers Descend；5. 鄭倫和陳奇失業了 Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange are Unemployed；6. 塵香聽走神了 Dust-scent was Lost in Thought；7. 應急國安措施Emergency National Security Measures；8. 社會的根基 Foundation of Society；9. 討論找工作 Discussions on Job Hunting；10. 女媧造人出錯了 Nuwa Made a Mistake in Creating Humans
鄭倫和陳奇（如圖14.12-2），號黑白雙煞，是商朝（公元前1600—1046年）初年順皇（如圖1）時代的兩位將軍，功勞卓著。退休後，他倆被黃帝大禹封為了窯神來守位本文中的行宮（漢窯）。因為他們倆的智慧特殊，法力無邊，大禹稱他倆功德無量，就被佛教尊為無量佛了。
Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange (as shown in Figure 14.12-2), known as the Black and White Fearsome, were two generals during the reign of Emperor Shun (see fig. 1) in the early Shang Dynasty (1600–1046 BCE), distinguished by their outstanding achievements. After retiring, they were consecrated by Yellow Creator Big Yu as Kiln Gods of the Migration Palace (Han Kiln). Renowned for their extraordinary intelligent gnosis and boundless juristic powers, Big Yu honored them as immeasurably virtuous, leading Buddhism to venerate them as Infinite Buddhas.
他們倆又被稱作哼哈二將；在現代社會，大亨仍然是絕對權威的代名詞。人們一提到大亨這個詞，都肅然起敬。鄭倫和陳奇喜歡葵花。圖4是墨西哥雨神特拉洛克（他是佛，金童，亞當，墨西哥的締造者）在六百年前為他倆畫的葵花。
They are also known as the Heng and Ha Generals. In modern society, the term “Big Heng” remains synonymous with absolute authority. The mere mention of the term “Big Heng” commands profound respect. Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange love sunflowers. Figure 4 depicts the sunflowers painted for them six hundred years ago by Tlaloc, the Mexican rain god (who is also a Buddha, Gold Boy, Adam, and the creator of Mexico).
1. 順皇寵愛的情人 Emperor Shun's Favorite Valentines
塵香和塵凡常和守窯的士兵們一起操練，和將軍們摔跤，交流武藝。塵香注意到了兩位高大英俊的將軍，鄭倫和陳奇。他倆常路過行宮，但從不和其他的將軍交流武藝。塵凡已經和他倆對視過幾次了，看他們倆動作僵硬遲緩，上馬下馬時小心翼翼的。人們說他倆是順皇目前最寵愛的兩位情人。沉香對此迷惑不解：為什麽順皇喜歡這兩個繡花枕頭？
Dust-scent and Dust-mortal often trained alongside the soldiers guarding the kiln (the migration palace), wrestling with the generals and exchanging martial arts techniques. Dust-scent noticed two tall, handsome generals, Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange. They frequently passed by the migration palace but never exchanged martial arts with the other generals. Dust-scent had already exchanged glances with them several times, observed their movements were stiff and slow, and they were extremely cautious when mounting and dismounting horses. Rumor had it they were Emperor Shun's most favored valentines at present. Dust-scent found this perplexing: Why did Emperor Shun favor these two useless pretty boys?
一天塵香在縣政府和同事臨衝和路引嘮嗑的時候，說起了對鄭倫和陳奇的迷惑。林衝說：“我們的法庫縣，現在已經是法師之鄉了。自從十年前，你姥姥西王母把女媧家的祖墳遷到了這裏，這裏已經來了全國有名的四十多家法師世家。法師也分很多種，鄭倫和陳奇是目前政論法師們討論的焦點。路引就和幾位法師很熟，尤其是那位政論法師。”
One day while chatting with colleagues Before-charging and Path-leader at the county government office, Dust-scent voiced his confusion about Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange. Before-charging remarked, "Our Faku County has become a homeland for juristic teachers. Ever since your grandmother, King Mother of the West, relocated her ancestral tomb of Nuwa clan here a decade ago, over forty renowned juristic teacher families from across the nation have settled here. There are many types of juristic teachers, and Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange are currently the focal points of discussion among political juristic teachers. Path-leader is quite familiar with several juristic teachers, especially that Political-discussion."
從此塵香就常跟隨林衝和路引去辦理和法師相關的糾紛，常去看法師們做法。什麽是做法？本書就是法師的教材，這書裏麵的大部分故事都不是自然發生的，而是由法師們導演的。
From then on, Dust-scent often accompanied Before-charging and Path-leader to handle disputes involving juristic teachers, frequently observing their making-laws (rituals). What exactly is a making-law? This book serves as the juristic teachers' textbook—most of the stories within it are not naturally occurring events, but rather staged by the juristic teachers themselves.
2. 兩隻暈羊 Two Fainting Sheep
一天，塵香向政論法師詢問鄭倫和陳奇。
政論法師對塵香說：“我們政論法師行業有很多名人，例如當代的三皇（即堯舜禹）五帝（元始天尊，蔻珠，玉皇大帝和西王母，女媧和伏羲，還有堯皇和二郎神）都是政論法師。政論法師行業的入門知識是金童和玉女（參見10.9 上帝的三和合），例如玉皇大帝，伏羲，和禹皇都是金童；西王母，女媧，和順皇都是玉女。”
One day, Dust-scent inquired of juristic teacher Political-Discussion about Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange.
Political-Discussion juristic teacher said to Dust-scent: "Our profession of Political Juristic Teacher boasts many renowned figures. For instance, the Three White-kings (Yao, Shun, Yu) of our era and the Five Creators (Primordial Sky Honor, Kouzhu, Turquoise White-king Great Creator, Jiang’zhu (Nuwa), and White-king Yao), are all Political Science Juristic Teachers. The foundational knowledge of the Political Science Juristic Teachers profession involves the Gold Boy and Jade Girl (see fig. 3, see 10.9 Godly Trinity). For instance, Turquoise White-king Great Creator, Fuxi, and White-king Yu are all Gold Boys; while King Mother of the West, Nuwa, and Emperor Shun are all Jade Girls."
政論繼續說：“幾年前，順皇在下口鎮麵試將軍們推薦的士官學校的學生時，在一位江南將軍推薦的低階軍官中看見了鄭倫。她和他談了幾句。隨後，順皇在另一位將軍推薦的低階軍官中看見了陳奇，她也和他交談了幾句。 隨後她跟女嬰叨咕，‘陳奇和鄭倫是一對兒（玉女類型的男人和金童；如圖14.12-2）；如果把他倆放在一起，就成為一位好的將軍了（如圖3）。”
女嬰回答：“那兩個人是兩隻暈羊。”
順皇問：“暈羊是什麽？”
Political-Discussion said to Dust-scent continuedly: "A few years ago, when Emperor Shun was interviewing students from the cadet school recommended by generals in Xiakou Town, he saw Correct-Ethic among the low-ranking officers recommended by a general. She talked to him for a few words. Later, she saw Exhibit-Strange among the low-ranking officers recommended by another general, and she also talked to him for a few words. Then she muttered to Heroine, 'This Exhibit-Strange and that Correct-Ethic are a pair (a gold boy and a boy of jade girl type), if you are put the two together, they will become a good general (see fig. 3). "
Heroine replied, “Those two are fainting sheep.”
Emperor Shun asked, “What are fainting sheep?”
女嬰回答：“暈羊一受到驚嚇就暈倒。有些養羊的人就故意羊一兩隻暈羊。當羊群遇見狼了，暈羊受到驚嚇就暈倒了，就被狼吃了；所以羊群得到了保護。鄭倫和陳奇都在幼年時有過創傷，導致了他們的肢體運動不協調，反應遲鈍。他們上戰場，容易受傷，活不了多久就死了。有些將軍利用他們這種人的這個特性，用他們做誘餌來引誘敵人上鉤。”
順皇驚訝地叨咕：“這麽損！”
女嬰回答：“打仗就會有死傷；舍不出孩子套不住狼。他們練習七傷拳人（修習佛教武功的人）的戰術就這樣。”
Heroine answered, “Fainting sheep faint when frightened. Some shepherds deliberately keep one or two fainting sheep. When the flock encounters wolves, the frightened fainting sheep collapse and are eaten by the wolves; thus, the flock is protected. Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange both suffered childhood trauma that left them with poor motor coordination and slow reactions. When they went into battle, they were easily injured and didn't survive long. Some generals exploited this trait, using them as bait to lure the enemy into traps."
Emperor Shun muttered in astonishment, “How cruel!”
Heroine replied, “War inevitably brings casualties; you can't catch a wolf without sacrificing a lamb. That's how the Seven Wounds Fist practitioners (those who practice Buddhist martial arts) use their tactics.”
3. 禍起蕭牆 Trouble Arises from Within
政論對塵香說：“三年後，順皇（即塵香的母親，號女媧，嫘祖，如圖1）在士官學校的畢業名單上發現了鄭倫和陳奇。他們倆將被送回推薦他們來的部隊；而那兩隻部對將出去打仗了。她就和她的副衛隊長談了鄭倫和陳奇的事。那位副隊長就去了那兩隻部隊把鄭倫和陳奇要了出來，帶回了皇宮，編進了順皇的衛隊。當時順皇衛隊的隊長不在。衛隊長回來後，聽說來了兩個新的衛兵，要看看。衛兵們告訴隊長，‘新來的衛兵正在順皇的寢宮裏伺候順皇呢！’ 隊長大叫，‘衛兵和皇帝有私情會破壞衛隊的團結，削減衛隊的戰鬥力。’ 說著他就去向天蓬元帥，女嬰，匯報這事去了。”
Political-Discussion told Dust-scent: "Three years later, Emperor Shun (Dust-scent's mother, fames Nuwa, Lei Ancestor, see fig. 1) discovered Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange on the graduation roster of the military academy. Both were to be returned to the units that had recommended them, as those two units were about to be deployed to the front lines. She discussed the matter of Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange with her deputy guard captain. The deputy captain went to those two units, retrieved Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange, brought them back to the palace, and assigned them to Emperor Shun's guard. At that time, the captain of Emperor Shun's guard was absent. Upon his return, the captain heard of the two new guards and demanded to see them. The guards informed him, ‘The new recruits are currently attending to Emperor Shun in her private quarters!’ The captain roared, ‘Guards engaging in private affairs with the emperor undermine the unity of the guard and diminish its combat effectiveness!’ With that, he went to report the matter to Celestial Ceiling Marshal, Heroine.”
政論繼續說：“女嬰聽了順皇衛隊長的匯報後，也慌了，說，‘順皇和小金童睡在一起了。那小金童很快就對大金童（即大禹，禹皇）構成人身威脅了。你先回去做你自己該做的事。我去找國務院總理，娥黃，商量這事，配合你的工作。”
Political-Discussion continued: “After hearing the report from the captain of the Shun Emperor's guard, Heroine also panicked, saying, “The Shun Emperor is sleeping with the Little Gold Boy. That Little Gold Boy will soon pose a physical threat to the Big Gold Boy (i.e., Big Yu, White-king Yu). You go back and do what you're supposed to do. I'll go find the Prime Minister of the State Council, Beauty Yellow, to discuss this matter and coordinate with your work.’”
順皇的衛隊長回到皇宮後求見順皇。順皇讓他進寢宮說話。衛隊長進了順皇寢室，看見她正和鄭倫和陳奇赤身裸體地摟抱著呢，報告說：“皇帝和衛兵的親密關係會破壞衛隊的團結。我不同意接受鄭倫和陳奇成為您的衛兵。這事，我已經向女嬰匯報過了。”
順皇說：“我要安插兩個士官學校的畢業生到我的衛隊。你不同意，那你就把衛隊長的職權交給副隊長吧。”
The captain of Emperor Shun's guards returned to the palace and asked to see Shun Emperor. Emperor Shun asked him to come to the bedroom to talk. The captain entered Emperor Shun's bedroom and saw her hugging Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange naked. He reported: "The close relationship between the emperor and the guards will destroy the unity of the guards. I do not agree to accept Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange as your guards. I have reported this to Heroine."
Emperor Shun declared, “I intend to place two graduates from the military academy to my personal guard. If you disagree, then relinquish the authority of guard commander to the deputy commander.”
女嬰和娥黃來皇宮查看，聽說順皇把她的衛隊長撤職了，商議說，“看樣子，咱倆現在不應該去勸說。她可能不會在兩個 ‘小帥哥’ 麵前給咱倆麵子。” 女嬰和娥黃告訴已經被撤職的衛隊長說：“隨後我們倆各派一隊人來皇宮。你指揮他們，利用天棚安全通道，把鄭倫和陳奇圈禁在順皇的寢宮和她的小後花園裏麵。他們倆的活動範圍小，就不願意住在皇宮裏了。他們倆就該自己想辦法離開皇宮了。”
Heroine and Beauty-Yellow came to the palace to check. When they heard that Emperor Shun had dismissed her guard captain, they discussed, "It seems that we should not go to persuade her now. She may not give us face in front of the two 'young hunks'." Heroine and Beauty-Yellow told the dismissed guard captain, "We will each send a team to the palace later. You command them to use the ceiling safety passages to seal Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange in Emperor Shun's bedroom and her small back garden. The two of them wouldn't want to live in the palace with their small range of activities. It would be time for the two of them to find their own way out of the palace."
4. 天兵降臨 Sky Soldiers Descend
鄭倫和陳奇很快熟悉了順皇的寢宮和小後花園。一天，順皇不在，他倆就開始探索皇宮了。他們倆剛要進入順皇的廚房去拿些酒和水果，一隊不知道從哪裏出來的衛兵擋住了他們倆的去路。擋他們路的人有的穿著一身青衣，有的穿著一身黃衣，有的穿著一身紅衣，還有的穿著一身白衣。他們沒有間隙地一個挨著一個站成一排，而且都不說話。
Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange quickly became familiar with the emperor’s bedchamber and the small rear garden. One day, while the emperor was away, the two began exploring the palace. Just as they were about to enter the imperial kitchen to fetch some wine and fruit, a squad of guards appeared out of nowhere, blocking their path. Some wore turquoise robes, others yellow, some red, and a few white. They stood in a tight formation, shoulder to shoulder, not uttering a word.
這哥兒倆去到了衛兵的廚房，吃了些剩飯。回來後，他倆決定去皇宮的前廳看看。忽然一群從天棚上下來的衛兵擋住了他們倆的去路。這群人也是穿著或青或黃或赤或白的衣服，一個挨著一個地站成一排。
順皇回來後，鄭倫和陳奇問她：“那些從天棚上下來的，穿著青黃赤白衣服的人是什麽人？”
順皇回答：“什麽青黃赤白人，我沒見過。你倆領我去看看！”
The two brothers made their way to the guards' kitchen and ate some leftovers. After returning, they decided to explore the palace's front hall. Suddenly, a group of guards descended from the ceiling, blocking their path. These men, dressed in robes of turquoise, yellow, red, and white, stood in a row, shoulder to shoulder.
After Emperor Shun returned, Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange asked her, “Who were those people dressed in turquoise, yellow, red, and white robes who descended from the ceiling?”
Emperor Shun replied, "What turquoise, yellow, red and white people, I have never seen. You two lead me to have a look!"
鄭倫和陳奇就走向皇宮的前堂，順皇跟在後麵。果然，沒走多遠，一隊穿黃色衣服的衛兵和一隊穿著青色衣服的衛兵從走廊兩邊的柱子上滑了下來。三個領隊穿著紅製服，另外三個領隊穿著白製服。他們一個挨著一個地並排擋住了鄭倫和陳奇的去路。順皇走過去看了看，就向回走。一邊走她還一邊叨咕：“外麵那麽大，那倆人為什麽一定要把她們的男人放到皇宮裏。我的皇宮成了什麽地方了！？”
回到寢宮後，順皇告訴鄭倫和陳奇：“那些男人，連我都不敢碰，你們倆可別招惹他們。”
Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange then walked towards the front hall of the palace, with Emperor Shun following behind. Sure enough, without going far, a group of guards in yellow and a group in turquoise slid down the pillars on both sides of the corridor. Three of the six leaders wore red uniform, the other three are in white. They blocked Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange's way side by side, one next to the other. Emperor Shun walked over to look at them and walked back. As she walked, she muttered, "It's so big out there, why must those two put their men in the palace. What has my palace become!?"
After returning to the bedchamber, Emperor Shun told Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange: "Those men, even I dare not touch, you two should not provoke them."
5. 政論和陳奇失業了 Correct-Ethic and Exhibit-Strange are Unemployed
一天，鄭倫和陳奇向順皇報告，他們倆被新的皇帝衛隊長開除了，需要找工作。
順皇抱著茅台酒瓶子詢問怎麽回事。
鄭倫回答：“新的衛隊長要帶著我們倆熟悉皇宮的布防。但是那群穿著青黃赤白的安全局警察不許我們倆走得更遠。他就無可奈何地說，‘這我沒辦法了！我是皇宮的衛隊長，負責皇宮的全麵安全。你們倆不能跟著我們了。’”
One day, Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange reported to Emperor Shun that they had been dismissed by the new imperial guard captain and needed to find work.
Emperor Shun, clutching a bottle of Maotai liquor, inquired about the situation.
Correct-ethic replied, “The new captain of the guard was supposed to take us both on a tour of the palace's defenses. But those Security Bureau officers in their turquoise, yellow, red, and white uniforms wouldn't let us go any further. He just sighed helplessly and said, ‘There's nothing I can do about it! I'm the captain of the palace guard, responsible for the palace's overall security. You two can't come with us any longer.’”
順皇說：“哪天我遇見娥黃和女嬰後，問問她們倆那是怎麽回事。你們倆想喝茅台酒不？”
陳奇回答：“不喝！茅台酒很貴！”
順皇說：“那你們倆就少喝點兒，嚐嚐！我不要錢。”
鄭倫和陳奇品嚐了些茅台酒後，順皇說：“看你們倆可不像是第一次喝茅台酒。我就發現我這瓶子裏的茅台酒變少了。你們倆偷喝過幾次了？這瓶茅台酒是我昨天才打開的，今天就剩下一瓶底了；你們倆一天喝掉了一位將軍一年的薪水（五百兩銀子）”
Emperor Shun said, “The day I meet Beauty Yellow and Heroine, I'll ask them what's going on. Do you two want some Maotai?”
Exhibit-strange replied, “No thanks! Maotai is too expensive!”
Emperor Shun said, “Then just have a little taste! I won't charge you.”
After Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange sampled some Maotai, Emperor Shun remarked, “You two don't seem like first-timers with Maotai. I just noticed the level in my bottle has dropped. How many times have you two been sneaking sips? This bottle of Maotai Alcohol was only opened yesterday, and today there's barely a drop left; You two drank away a general's entire year's salary (500 taels of silver) in a single day.”
14.12-10 女媧造人出錯了 Nuwa Made a Mistake in Creating Humans
目錄 Catalog：6. 塵香聽走神了 Dust-scent was Lost in Thought；7. 應急國安措施Emergency National Security Measures；8. 社會的根基 Foundation of Society；9. 討論找工作 Discussions on Job Hunting；10. 女媧造人出錯了 Nuwa Made a Mistake in Creating Humans
6. 塵香聽走神了 Dust-scent was Lost in Thought
塵香問政論法師：“前麵的事，你是從娥黃和女嬰那裏聽說的。後麵的事，順皇（塵香的母親，如圖14.12-1）調戲小帥哥！那是發生在她寢宮裏的事，你是怎麽知道的？”
政論回答：“鄭倫和陳奇現在是守漢窯的將軍。他們倆的漢窯在咱們縣的西北角，就在行宮的西麵。這話是他們倆在向那些土地老們（漢神們）炫耀時說的。”
Dust-scent asked juristic teacher Political-Discussion, “The earlier events—you heard them from Beauty-yellow and Heroine. But the later incident—Emperor Shun (Dust-scent's mother, as shown in Figure 14.12-1) flirting with those two handsome young men! That happened in her private quarters. How did you learn of it?”
Political-Discussion replied, “Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange (as shown I fig. 2) are now the generals guarding the Han Kiln. Their Han Kiln is in the northwest corner of our county, just west of the Migration Palace. They boasted about it to those Earth Gods (Hans) themselves.”
塵香說：“啊！這不奇怪，您繼續！”
政論說：“我可是在給你講 ‘女媧造人’ ；你可別聽走樣嘍！”
塵香回答：“謝謝提醒！剛才我是聽走樣了！現在，我又回來了！”
Dust-scent said, “Ah! That's not surprising. Please continue!”
Political-Discussion said, “I'm telling you the story of ‘Nuwa Creating Humans;’ don't get distracted now!”
Dust-scent replied, “Thanks for the reminder! I did get distracted earlier! Now I'm back on track!”
7. 應急國安措施Emergency National Security Measures
政論說：“在鄭倫和陳奇進入皇宮十幾天後，順皇和他們倆的關係降溫了。當娥黃和女嬰再次遇見順皇時，就說了，‘對於目前皇宮內發生的事，我們倆研究決定啟動緊急國安措施。為了保護大禹的安全，我們倆讓國安警察把鄭倫和陳奇圈禁在皇帝寢宮的範圍內。我們倆認為鄭倫和陳奇必須在三個月內離開皇宮。如果你不同意我們倆的決定，我們倆就發起召開國家政治局會議，討論這事。”
Political-Discussion stated: "After Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange entered the imperial palace for over ten days, Emperor Shun's relationship with them cooled. When Beauty-yellow and Heroine met Emperor Shun again, they declared: 'Regarding the current events unfolding within the palace, we have jointly decided to activate emergency national security measures. To safeguard the safety of Big Yu, we have instructed the national security police to confine Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange within the boundaries of the imperial bedchamber.' We believe Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange must depart the palace within three months. If you disagree with our decision, we will convene a meeting of the Political Bureau to discuss the matter."
順皇回答：“我的兩位宰相向我宣誓：戒男人了！我當然同意。你們倆放心，我會好吃好喝地招待他們，找個人好好地開導他們。我看你們倆能堅持多久！”
一天順皇出門時問衛隊長：“怎麽多天沒見著前任衛隊長了？把他給我找來！”
Emperor Shun replied, "My two prime ministers swore to me that they would quit from men! Of course I agree. Rest assured, I will treat them to good food and drink and find someone to properly counsel them. Let's see how long you two can keep this up!"
One day, as Emperor Shun was leaving, she asked the captain of the guard, "Why haven't I seen the former captain of the guard for several days? Bring him to me!"
順皇帶著前任的衛隊長來到了宗人府（女媧家的宗廟），給他介紹了一位宗祠官。然後，他對宗祠官說：“我想請你替我教教他們如何為人處世。”
順皇又對前任衛隊長說：“你把我們家的這位宗祠官帶進宮，連同你自己和陪你一起在作戰指揮室坐冷板凳的人，都編進國家安全局警察隊。你們吃住在一起，一同執行圈禁鄭倫和陳奇的作戰任務。”
Emperor Shun brought the former captain of the guard to the ancestral temple of Nuwa's family and introduced him to a clan temple official. Then, she said to the clan temple official: "I want you to teach them how to behave in the mundane world for me."
Emperor Shun then said to the former captain of the guard, "Bring this ancestral hall official from our family into the palace, along with yourself and the people who sit with you in the command center, and incorporate them into the National Security Bureau police force. You will live and eat together and carry out the mission of imprisoning Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange together."
據說，每天早晨當這些國家安全局警衛起床時，那位女媧家的宗祠官會喊一句不同的話，例如 “辦事不如東，累死也無功！” 這些警官就琢磨：“怎麽他是在說我呢！？” 白天，他們就在一起研究這句話。
當這些人完成了這次作戰任務後，出皇宮時都叨咕：“我要去升官發財嘍！”
It is said that every morning when these State Security Bureau guards rise, the official in charge of the ancestral hall of Nuwa clan would shout a different phrase, such as: “If your work fails to please the boss, even if you work yourself to death, you'll have no merit!” The officers would then ponder: “Why is he talking about me!?” Throughout the day, they would discuss this very phrase.
After completing their mission, as they exited the palace, they all muttered to themselves: “I'm off to get promoted and make a fortune!”
8. 社會的根基 Foundation of Society
政論法師問塵香：“你說為什麽這些人都有類似的感覺和覺悟？”
塵香回答：“這群國家安全局的警察有著共同之處。”
政論說：“你說的對！娥黃和女嬰都來自我們國家著名的政論法師家族，她們倆背後各有一群政論法師幫他們挑選人才。我就認為類似這群國家安全局警察的人是現代哲學，社會學，心理學中所認為的社會的基石。”
Political-Discussion juristic-teacher asked Dust-scent, “Why do you think these people share similar feelings and awareness?”
Dust-scent replied, “This group of State Security Bureau officers has something in common.”
Political-Discussion said, “You're right! Beauty-yellow and Heroine both come from our nation's renowned Political-Discussion juristic-teacher lineage. Behind each of them stands a group of Political-Discussion juristic-teacher helping them select talent. I believe that people like these National Security Bureau police officers are the foundation stone of society as defined by modern philosophy, sociology, and psychology."
9. 討論找工作 Discussions on Job Hunting
政論說：“沒多久，鄭倫和陳奇就開始挑釁順皇。一天，陳奇對順皇說：“我發現你誰都怕，就不怕我們倆。也是，我們倆從小到大，總是挨欺負，都被欺負習慣了，那你也不能占我們的便宜呀！”
順皇問：“誰認為我啥都不知道，還羨慕我皇帝的工作，我就不怕他。你長得這麽高大威猛，怎們還總挨欺負呢？”
Political-Discussion stated: “Before long, Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange began provoking Emperor Shun. One day, Exhibit-strange said to Emperor Shun, ‘I've noticed you're afraid of everyone except us two. It makes sense—we've been bullied our whole lives and grown accustomed to it. But that doesn't mean you can take advantage of us!’”
Emperor Shun asked, “I fear no one who thinks I know nothing and envies my imperial duties. You're so tall and imposing—how come you're always getting bullied on?”
陳奇回答： “我行動笨拙，反應遲鈍，所以我就為了不挨欺負，努力鍛煉身體。可是我想當將軍，我所處的生活環境中，人人都能單臂提起來扔出去125公斤的重物，所以我仍然總是因為 行動笨拙和反應遲鈍而被取笑和欺負。”
Exhibit-strange replied: “I'm clumsy and slow to react, so I worked hard to build my strength to avoid being bullied. But I wanted to become a general. In the environment I grew up in, everyone could lift and throw a 125-kilogram object with one arm. So, I was still constantly mocked and bullied because of my clumsiness and slow reactions.”
順皇說：“我不欺負你們倆。如果我不能為你們找到滿意的工作，我就給你們每人一筆錢和路費，送你們回家。”
鄭倫問：“你給我們多少錢呐？”
順皇回答：“你們軍官年薪的三倍。”
陳奇叨咕：“那可不是很多錢！”
Emperor Shun declared: “I won't take advantage of you two. If I can't find you satisfactory jobs, I'll give each of you a sum of money and travel expenses to send you home.”
Correct-ethic asked: “How much money will you give us?”
Emperor Shun replied: “Three times your annual salary as military generals.”
Exhibit-strange muttered: “That's not a lot of money!”
順皇說：“那你們倆就好好伺候我，天天逗我笑。我高興了，再賞你們軍官年薪三倍的錢。”
陳奇說：“那也沒多少錢！你就送我們倆回原來的部隊唄，為什麽要打發我們回家？”
順皇回答：“你們就幹這麽點兒事兒，還嫌我我給的少！三條腿的癩蛤蟆不好找，三條腿的男人多的是！別的地方就算是給的多，也多不了多少！我可以再多給你們一些路費，願意回原來的部隊，你們自己回去。我可不會送你們回原來的部隊。”
Emperor Shun said, "Then you two serve me well and make me laugh every day. When I'm happy, I will reward you with three times the ‘annual salary of a general’."
Exhibit-Strange said, "That's not much money either! Just send the two of us back to our original military unit, why are you sending us home?"
Emperor Shun replied, "That's all you've done, and you think I'm giving you less! It's hard to find a three-legged toad, but there are plenty of three-legged men! Even if you were given more elsewhere, that won't be much more! I'll give you some more money for the journey. If you want to go back to your original unit, you can do it yourselves. I won't send you back to the unit you originally came from."
鄭倫說：“沒別的地方！我們倆研究過男妓。男妓不出名不賺錢；一出名，就死了。那些女神家族要求男妓要有正當的行業，不能損壞她們家族的名聲，不能利用和她們女神的關係來做廣告。我們倆作為軍隊裏的暈羊的成功概率可比男妓好太多了！”
政論法師繼續講：“然後這倆人就開始對順皇講他們倆研究出來的戰略。”
Correct-ethic said, “There's nowhere else! We've studied male prostitutes. Male prostitutes aren't famous and don't make money; once they become famous, they're finished. Those goddess clans demand their male prostitutes have legitimate occupations, can't tarnish their family's reputation, and can't exploit their connections to goddesses for advertising. Our chances of success as army-based fainting-sheep are way better than male prostitutes!”
Political-Discussion juristic-teacher continued, “Then these two began explaining their devised strategy to Emperor Shun.”
塵香問：“鄭倫和陳奇知道他們自己是被人養的暈羊？”
政論回答：“七傷拳是佛教武術的別名，意思是 ‘傷敵十分，自損七分。’ 他們的家鄉有佛教傳統。在參軍的時候，他們的父母就告訴他們了：他們倆適合修習佛門的武功，是暈羊！他們的將軍就是暈羊出身！”
Dust-scent asked, “Do Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange know they were raised as fainting-sheep?”
Political-Discussion response: “The Seven-Injury Fist is an alias for Buddhist martial arts, meaning ‘inflict tenfold damage on the enemy while sustaining sevenfold damage oneself.’ Their hometown has a Buddhist tradition. When they enlisted, their parents told them: both were suited to practice Buddhist martial arts—they were ‘fainting sheep’! Their generals themselves were ‘fainting sheep’ also!”
編者我小時侯在讀這篇文章的時候，原文順皇和他們倆討論了世界上的所有行業。我認為那些行業的辛秘是隨後鄭倫法眼的根基。後來他們倆成為了順皇看世界的兩隻眼睛。鄭倫擅長法眼；而陳奇擅長慧眼。
When editor I was young and reading this article, the original text described how Emperor Shun and the two of them discussed every profession in the world. I believe the secrets of those professions formed the foundation for Correct-ethic's Law-Eye. Later, the two of them became the two eyes through which Emperor Shun viewed the world. Correct-ethic excelled in Law-Eye, while Exhibit-Strange excelled in Gnostic-Eye.
陳奇叨咕：“看不出你是怎麽當上皇帝的，當皇上窩囊到你這種程度可真不可思議，連安插兩個士官畢業生到你自己的衛隊都辦不到。”
Correct-ethic muttered, “I can't fathom how you ever became emperor. It's truly unbelievable how incompetent you are as a ruler—you can't even manage to place two military academy graduates in your own guard.”
順皇回答：“你啥也不知道，所以你看我啥也不是。當你成為 ‘正等明’ 時，就知道我現在就是 ‘悉知悉見’ 了。好工作難找！皇帝也不能隨意調換別人的職位，你們倆得耐心地等著。你看，他們還給我茅台酒喝呢！咦！早晨這瓶酒還是大半瓶兒呢！怎麽現在隻剩一瓶兒底的酒了！”
Emperor Shun replied: "You know nothing, therefore you think I am nothing. When you become ‘Correct Equality Light’, you will know that I am ‘all knowing all seeing’ now. Good jobs are hard to find! The emperors cannot change people's positions at will, so you two must wait patiently. Look, they are still giving me Maotai alcohol to drink! Hey! This bottle of alcohol was much more than half full this morning! How come there is only one bottom alcohol left now! You two drank too much!"
政論說：“一天順皇回來後對他倆說，‘我幫你們找到了三份工作。第一份工作是兩個倉庫的管理員。第二份工作是兩個縣尉（副縣長）。第三份工作是臨時的工作，守護漢窯的將軍。他們立刻選擇了守窯將軍的職位。回答順皇說， ‘原因是守窯將軍的年薪是100兩黃金，是普通將軍年薪的三倍。’”
Political-Discussion states: "One day, after Emperor Shun returned, he said to the two of them, 'I have found three jobs for you. The first job is to be the manager of two warehouses. The second job is to be two county lieutenants (deputy county magistrates). The third job is temporary, as generals guarding the Han kiln.' They immediately chose the position of kiln-guarding general, replying to Emperor Shun, 'The reason is that the annual salary of the kiln-guarding general is 100 taels of gold, three times the annual salary of an ordinary general.'"
10. 女媧造人出錯了 Nuwa Made a Mistake in Creating Humans
政論說：“就這樣，鄭倫和陳奇成為了守衛咱法庫縣行宮西北那座漢窯的將軍。那座窯本來是由守護行宮的將軍代為管理的。隨後，人們發現他們倆有同性戀的習慣。據說他們倆在士官學校的時候就常在一起鍛煉身體，相互勉勵。有人勸說他們倆，沒作用。如果像我這樣的法師造人出錯了，就砍了唄！順皇是女媧家族的代表，砍不成功的人坯有點兒丟臉！那也沒辦法！”
Political-Discussion states: "Thus, Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange became the generals guarding the Han kiln northwest of our Faku County Migration Palace. That kiln had originally been managed by the generals protecting the Migration Palace. Later, people discovered they shared homosexual tendencies. It's said they often exercised together and encouraged each other back in military academy. Attempts to dissuade them proved futile. If a juristic teacher like me makes a mistake in creating a human, just chop it off! As a representative of the Nüwa clan, failing to chop off a flawed embryo form is rather embarrassing! But what can you do?"
政論繼續說：“最近法師行業內出現了一種新說法。我們法師行業出現了一位新人。如果這個人，也隻有這個人能做這件事。如果像是閹割豬似的，他把鄭倫和陳奇閹割嘍，順皇的這個造人工程還能繼續。”
塵香問：“這位新法師是誰？”
Political-Discussion continued: “A new theory has recently emerged within the juristic teacher profession. A newcomer has appeared in our juristic teacher ranks. If this person—and only this person—can accomplish this task. If he castrates Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange like pigs, then Emperor Shun's human-creating project can continue.”
Dust-scent asked: “Who is this new juristic teacher?”
政論回答：“目前，這位新法師還隻是位青少年晚期的孩子，你和我都認識。我這裏有咱們縣法師家族的名單，你可以各家走走，看看他們正在做的法事。”
隨後，塵香就常去各種法師家做客，觀看法師做法。
Political-Discussion response: “At present, this new juristic teacher is still just a late-adolescent child—you and I both know him. I have a list of juristic teacher families in our county here. You can visit each household and observe the rituals they're currently performing.”
After that, Dust-scent frequently visited various juristic teachers' homes as guests, watching them perform their rites.
一天，一位政論法師來參觀行宮。塵香和他談起了鄭倫和陳奇的故事。說法和前麵政論法師說的類似。塵香問新出現的那位法師新秀是誰？這位政論法師回答： “我聽說他是這座行宮整修工程的承包商！”
塵香聽後，哈哈大笑！
One day, a political juristic teacher came to visit the Migration Palace. Dust-scent shared with him the story of Correct-ethic and Exhibit-strange. The account was like what Political-Discussion had mentioned earlier. Dust-scent asked who the newly arrived juristic teacher was. The political juristic teacher replied, “I hear he's the contractor for this Migration Palace's renovation project!”
Upon hearing this, Dust-scent burst into laughter!
