《斯人已逝（之一： Betty）》 Departed Soul(1: Betty)

斯人已逝（之一： Betty）Departed Souls (1: Betty)

【序：2006-2008年是我壓力大，心情不愉快的兩三年。那時已經做了幾年博士後，前途沒有著落。年前女兒降生了。兩個孩子加一個房子，經濟壓力陡然增加。就在此時，另一個係的學界大佬DK向我拋出了橄欖枝，答應給我漲40%的工資和Research Assistant Professor的頭銜（其實沒意義）。於是我轉到他的實驗室，開始了兩年不堪回首的第二期博士後。我在博文《一個關於fact 的真實故事》中，暗示了我的困境…… 恰好，綠卡到了，於是開始找工作。我投出七、八十份簡曆，全美國範圍內找。隻得到兩個interview的機會，最後的offer就是現在我仍然在工作的這家公司（跟我的專業背景和特長很對路子）。我老婆跟我商量，假如她辭了工作、與兩個孩子馬上一起隨我，到千裏之外、生活開銷高兩三倍的新地方，太冒險了。一旦我在industry混不下去，全家怎麽辦呢？於是乎，我開始了三年的“單身”生活；而她繼續留在大學城，一邊工作一邊帶著兩個年幼的孩子，辛苦可想而知…… 我一個人在公司附近租了房東樓下的一間屋，單獨從後院出入。意外發生在我已經在此處住了近三年、即將離開的時候。那是10年前的事情了。】

【Preface: The years 2006-2008 were two or three difficult years for me, marked by high stress. I had been a postdoctoral researcher for several years with an uncertain future. My daughter was born in the year, adding to the pressure with two children and a house. Just then, DK, a big name in another department, extended an olive branch, promising a 40% salary increase and the title of Research Assistant Professor (which was essentially meaningless). So, I joined his lab and embarked on a second postdoctoral stint that I'd rather forget. In my blog post "A True Story About Fact," I hinted at my predicament... Coincidentally, my green card came through, prompting me to start job hunting. I sent out seventy to eighty resumes nationwide in the United States, but only received two interview opportunities. The final offer came from the company where I am still employed today, aligning well with my professional background and expertise. My wife and I discussed the option of her quitting her job and moving with our two children to a new place with living expenses two to three times higher, which seemed too risky. What if I couldn't make it in the industry? What would we do as a family? So, I began three years of "single" life; she continued to stay in the university town, working and taking care of our two young kids, a difficult task, to say the least... I rented a room near the company, with my own entrance in the back. The unexpected tragedy happened when I had been living here for nearly three years and was about to leave. That was ten years ago. 】

 

那年4月初期來了倒春寒。一連三、四天雨夾雪，整個世界都陰沉而寒冷。

In early April that year, a late spring chill arrived. It rained and snowed for three or four consecutive days, casting a gloomy and cold atmosphere over the entire world.

那天晚上下班回家，我發現停車位全被占滿了，包括我自己的那個。這時房東Tom出來了，我問你們家裏開party嗎？Tom帶著哭腔說：“Betty死了，她沒了。”

One evening, as I returned home from work, I noticed that all the parking spaces were taken, including mine. When Tom, the landlord, came out. I asked, "Are you having a party?" With a tearful tone, Tom replied, "Betty is gone. She's no more."

房東太太Betty中午突發中風，再也沒有醒過來。

The landlady Betty had a sudden stroke at noon and never woke up again.

Betty 60多歲，身體一直很好，人也顯年輕，她曾經對我說她幾乎從來不生病。今年年初她突然出現了中風的征兆，但經過治療很快就沒事兒了。她跟我打趣說這下子不能吃牛肉、要少沾油膩了，我說那我教你做豆腐吧。她似乎恢複得特別好。真沒想到突然撒手西去了，生命有時真是很脆弱。後來我得知她家的高血脂症是有遺傳的，她其實一直屬於高危人群，但重視不夠。

Betty, in her 60s, had always been in good health, looking young for her age. She once told me she rarely got sick. Earlier that year, she had a minor stroke, but after treatment, she quickly recovered. Jokingly, she mentioned that she couldn't eat beef anymore and had to avoid oily food. I suggested teaching her how to cook tofu. She seemed to have had a full recovery. It's really a shock that she passed away suddenly. I later learned that her family had a genetic predisposition to high cholesterol, and she was actually at high risk, but didn't pay enough attention to it.

Tom和Betty這兩口子屬於最普通的美國老百姓，太太在學區（類似於中國的教育局）當個小公務員，正打算過兩年退休。Tom沒有學曆，一輩子當labor，打各種雜工。就是這樣一對有3個孩子的普通家庭，在一個高物價高消費的地區，靠著幾十年的勤勞、節儉、投資和其他的生財之道（比如我住的那一部分，就是十幾年前孩子長大離家後，Tom對房子進行改造，獨立出去的兩塊，分別出租，每年給他帶來不少收入），財富逐漸增長，從結婚時租的一間狹小的公寓（Betty跟我描述過），到擁有那幢很不錯的house （按照現在當地房市，我估計1 m 以上了），不僅房款完全還清，而且在北邊兩小時車程以外的湖邊還另擁有一個度假房。這應該算是美國人實現美國夢的例子吧。

Tom and Betty were an ordinary American couple. Betty worked as a small government official in the school district and was planning to retire in a couple of years. Tom, without a formal education, worked as a laborer, doing various odd jobs throughout his life. Yet, with three children, they managed to accumulate wealth over the years through diligence, frugality, investments, and other ways of making money (for instance, the part I lived in was transformed by Tom into a rental property after their children grew up and moved out, bringing in significant annual income). Their wealth grew gradually, from renting a small apartment when they got married (as Betty described it to me) to owning a very nice house (given the current local real estate market, I estimate it to be worth over a million dollars), not only paying off the mortgage but also owning a vacation house by a lake two hours north. This could be considered an example of achieving the American dream by ordinary Americans.

跟房東兩口子一起三年，我們相互間建立了深厚的友誼，他們對我也是照顧有加。每當下雪的時候，還沒等我起床，Tom就先把我車前的雪鏟了，好讓我及時上班。要是那天上午沒什麽要緊的事兒，我就留下來同Tom一起把門前的雪清幹淨。我每次回家探親去機場，他都開車把我送去，然後再把我從機場接回來。Betty有時烤點心什麽的，也給我送點兒來。我偶而也請他們嚐嚐我做的中國飯。

Having lived with the landlords for three years, we developed a deep friendship, and they took great care of me. Whenever it snowed, before I even woke up, Tom would shovel the snow in front of my car so I could get to work on time. If there wasn't anything urgent on a snowy morning, I would stay and help Tom clear the snow in front of the house. Every time I flew back to visit my family, he would drive me to and pick me up from airport. Sometimes, Betty would bake some treats and bring them to me. Occasionally, I would treat them to Chinese food I cooked.

現在回想起來，我對自己送給他們的一樣禮物感到特別欣慰 -- 那是Betty去世前不久，當得知他們要慶祝50年金婚了（他們很早婚），我就打印出自己拍攝的一對天鵝的照片裝框送給他們作為禮物 (見下麵)，他們非常喜歡，把這張照片掛在客廳裏醒目的位置。

Looking back, I feel particularly gratified about a gift I gave them - shortly before Betty passed away. Learning that they were about to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary (they married early), I printed and framed a photo I took of a pair of swans as a gift (see below). They loved it and hung the photo prominently in the living room.

在遺體告別儀式（Wake）上，有兩、三百人前來最後告別，看得出Betty人緣是非常好的。在這個儀式上，雖然也有眼淚，但沒有嚎啕大哭的場麵，有時甚至還有一點笑容，整個場麵也比較隨意、嘈雜。我極少到這樣的場合，馬上感覺到與中國文化的不同。夫妻倆是虔誠的天主教徒，教友去得很多，他們在遺體前都有一個畫十字的動作。輪到我的時候，我用中國的禮節對遺體三鞠躬，願她一路走好。

At the wake, two to three hundred people came to bid Betty farewell, revealing her excellent social connections. Although there were tears, there wasn't the dramatic wailing I expected. At times, there were even smiles, and the atmosphere was relatively casual and noisy. I rarely attend such events, and I immediately felt the difference from Chinese culture. The couple were devout Catholics, and many fellow church members attended, making the sign of the cross in front of the body. When it was my turn, I bowed three times in the Chinese way, wishing her a peaceful journey.

Tom和Betty的3個子女都已長大成人，而且有了好幾個孫子、孫女。他們的兩個女兒Jenn和Linda住得比較近，而且與父母關係也非常近，她們一直是幾乎每個星期都要來看看父母。Betty去世以後，兩人輪流24小時陪父親。然而一周過後，女兒被父親“趕走”了。Tom說我沒事兒了，有什麽好陪的？你們就像原先那樣周末來看一眼就行。然而，女兒走後，住在樓下的我能感到樓上的不安。來回的踱步聲淩晨五點就開始了。於是，我上班前敲門問他吃得如何，睡得怎樣，有什麽要幫忙的。Tom說一切都ok，當然，一個人在你身邊50年，突然沒了，要想睡踏實不容易，說著說著，眼淚就流下來了……

Tom and Betty's three children had grown up and had several grandchildren. Their two daughters, Jenn and Linda, lived relatively close and had a close relationship with their parents, visiting almost every week. After Betty's death, they took turns spending 24 hours with their father. However, after a week, the daughters were "dismissed" by their father. Tom said, "I'm fine now. There's nothing to accompany me for. Just come by on weekends as you used to." However, after the daughters left, I could feel the unease upstairs. The pacing back and forth began at five in the morning. So, before going to work, I knocked on the door to ask how he was doing, how he was eating and sleeping, and if there was anything I could help with. Tom said everything was okay, but of course, after being together for fifty years, suddenly being alone made it difficult to sleep soundly, and as he spoke, tears welled up….

又過了大約一個月，一天晚上，Tom突然敲門進來。他說，我產生了一個想法，想跟你說說 — 我知道你老婆孩子夏天就要搬過來了，考慮在這個地方安家嗎？你也知道我們這個小城不錯的。我可以把這個房子賣給你，現在房價較低、貸款利率更低。具體的事情咱們好商量，隻要你想買就行。我一個孤老頭子不需要那麽大的房子，咱們可以對調一下，我住到樓下你的房間去…… 我來這個小城已經30年了，處處門兒清。你要是在這裏安家，我很多地方可以幫你們的忙。

About a month later, one evening, Tom suddenly knocked on my door. He said, "I have an idea and wanted to talk to you about it - I know your wife and kids are moving here this summer. Have you considered settling down in this place? You know our small town is nice. I can sell you this house. The housing prices are low now, and the loan interest rates are even lower. We can discuss the details, and as long as you want to buy, other details are easy. I'm an old man living alone, and I don't need such a big house. We can switch places; I can move downstairs to your room... I've been in this small town for thirty years, and I have connections everywhere. If you settle here, I can help you in many ways."

我知道Tom是真心的。然而早在Betty去世前，我已經選定另一個地方安家了（仍是我現在的住處）。如果Betty不死，那隻是一個再見的問題，但現在Betty不在了，Tom又有了這樣的想法，倒很讓我有惻隱之心。我忘了我後來是怎麽向他解釋的。

I knew Tom was sincere. However, before Betty passed away, I had already chosen another place to settle down (where I am still residing now). If Betty hadn't died, it would have been a farewell, but now that Betty is gone, and Tom has such thoughts, it makes me feel sympathetic. I forgot how I later explained it to him.

兩年以後，一個風和日麗的中午，我去那邊辦事，於是拐一下去看看，希望Tom還在。然而，院子大變。房子的側邊已經架起了秋千和兒童滑梯。一位年輕的母親正與她的孩子一起玩耍。見我佇立在路邊，她微笑著問我找誰。我告訴她，我曾在這幢房子裏住過整整三年呢……

Two years later, on a sunny and breezy noon, I went to that town for some business and turned to the house to take a look, hoping Tom was still there. However, the yard had changed a lot. A swing and a children's slide had been set up on the side of the house. A young mother was playing with her child. Seeing me standing on the roadside, she smiled and asked who I was looking for. I told her that I had lived in this house for a full three years...