gweipwu
四海之內皆兄弟
1. Misunderstanding
Our first day at a resort, my wife and I decided to hit the
beach. When I went back to our room to get something to
drink, the hotel maid was making our bed. I grabbed my
cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked,
“Can we drink beer on the beach?”
“Sure,” she said, “but I have to finish the rest of the rooms
first.”
1. 誤解
我們在度假村的第一天，我和妻子決定去海灘。 當我回到我們的
房間去拿些喝的東西的時候，酒店的女仆正在整理我們的床。
我拿了我的手提冷藏盒正在出去時，停下來問道：”我們可以在沙灘上喝啤酒嗎？”
“當然，”她說，“但我必須先完成剩下的房間。”
2. In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a
vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.
God says, “No. You have thirty more years to live.”
With thirty years to look forward to, she decides to make
the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast
implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and
collagen injections in her lips. She looks great!
The day she‘s discharged, she exits the hospital with a
swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an
ambulance and killed.
Up in heaven, she sees God.
“You said I had thirty more years to live,” she complains.
“That’s true,” says God.
“So what happened?”
God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”
2. 在心髒病發作的手術中，一名中年婦女看到
在她的床邊有上帝的景像。 “我會死嗎？” 她問。
上帝說：“不。 你還有三十年的壽命。”
有這三十年的期待，她決定一切都應該用
最好的。 所以自從她在醫院裏，她得到了乳房
植入物、吸脂術、腹部除皺術、毛發移植術和
在她的嘴唇上注射膠原蛋白。 她看起來很棒！
出院那天，她大搖大擺，穿過馬路，立即被一個
救護車撞死了。
在天堂，她看到了上帝。
“你說我還能再活三十年，”她抱怨道。
“那是真的，”上帝說。
“所以發生了什麽事？”
上帝聳了聳肩。 “我沒認出你。”
3. A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads TALKING DOG FOR
SALE . Intrigued, he walks in.
“So, what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps
rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in
Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a
retirement home.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why
on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like
that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of
that!”
3. 一個人在房子外麵發現一個牌子，上麵寫著： 銷售會說話的狗。 好奇地他走了進去。
“那麽，你都做了些什麽？” 他問狗。
“我過著非常充實的生活，”狗說。 “我住在阿爾卑斯山，營救雪崩遇難者。 然後我為我的國家服務
在伊拉克。 而現在我每天都在給養老院某家的居民讀書。”
這家夥大吃一驚。 他問狗的主人，“為什麽你竟然想擺脫一隻如此奇妙的狗呢？”
老板說：“因為它是騙子！ 它從來沒有做過任何它所說的！”
4. A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third
Symphony played backward. When it’s over, the Second
Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First.
“What’s going on?” he asks a cemetery worker.
“It’s Beethoven,” says the worker. “He’s decomposing.”
4. 一個人在墓地裏行走時聽到第三個聲音
交響樂倒著演奏。 結束後，第二
Symphony 開始播放，也向後播放，然後是 First。
“這是怎麽回事？” 他問墓地工人。
“這是貝多芬，”工人說。 “他正在腐爛（他正在逐個減去作曲）。”
注： compose是作曲，decomposing是腐爛，或者減去作曲
5. A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle
suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says.
“My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a
schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the
collie.
“I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”
5. 貴賓犬和牧羊犬一起散步時，貴賓犬
突然放下它的朋友。 “我的生活一團糟，”它說。
“我的主人很卑鄙，我的女朋友跟雪納瑞逃跑了，我像貓一樣緊張。”
“你為什麽不去看心理醫生？” 牧羊犬建議說。
“我不能，”貴賓犬說。 “我不被允許坐在沙發上。”
