大海啊， 我的故鄉!
老頑童。愛好文學，曆史，地理，經濟，哲理，時事，回憶，笑話，唱歌，電影，種菜，養雞，遊山，逛水，散步，打牌，胡侃
A few months ago I was nominated for Governor of the great state of New York, to run against Mr. John T. Smith and Mr. Blank J. Blank on an independent ticket. I somehow felt that I had one prominent advantage over these gentlemen, and that was--good character. It was easy to see by the newspapers that if ever they had known what it was to bear a good name, that time had gone by. It was plain that in these latter years they had become familiar with all manner of shameful crimes. But at the very moment that I was exalting my advantage and joying in it in secret, there was a muddy undercurrent of discomfort "riling" the deeps of my happiness, and that was--the having to hear my name bandied about in familiar connection with those of such people. I grew more and more disturbed. Finally I wrote my grandmother about it. Her answer came quick and sharp. She said:
幾個月以前，我被提名為獨立黨的紐約州州長候選人，與斯圖阿特-伍德福先生和約翰-霍夫曼先生競選。我總覺得我有一個顯著的長處勝過這兩位先生，那就是——聲望還好。從報紙上很容易看出，即令他們曾經知道保持名譽的好處，那個時候也已經過去了。近幾年來，他們顯然對各式各樣可恥的罪行都習以為常了。但是正當我還在讚美自己的長處，並因此暗自得意的時候，卻有一股不愉快的渾濁潛流“攪渾”我那快樂心情的深處，那就是——不得不聽到我的名字動輒被人家拿來與那些人相提並論地到處傳播。我心裏越來越煩亂。後來我就寫信給我的祖母，報告這樁事情。她的信回得又快又幹脆。她說：
You have never done one single thing in all your life to be ashamed of--not one. Look at the newspapers--look at them and comprehend what sort of characters Messrs. Smith and Blank are, and then see if you are willing to lower yourself to their level and enter a public canvass with them.
你生平從來沒有幹過一樁可羞的事情——從來沒有。你看看報紙吧——你看一看，要明白伍德福和霍夫曼這兩位先生是一種什麽人物，然後想一想你是否情願把自己降到他們的水平，和他們公開競選。
It was my very thought! I did not sleep a single moment that night. But, after all, I could not recede.
我也正是這麽想呀！那天晚上我片刻也沒有睡著。可是事已至此，我究竟無法撒手了。
I was fully committed, and must go on with the fight. As I was looking listlessly over the papers at breakfast I came across this paragraph, and I may truly say I never was so confounded before.
我已經完全卷入了漩渦，不得不繼續這場鬥爭。早餐時，我無精打采地看著報紙，忽然發現下麵這麽一段。老實說，我從來沒有那麽吃驚過。
PERJURY.--Perhaps, now that Mr. Mark Twain is before the people as a candidate for Governor, he will condescend to explain how he came to be convicted of perjury by thirty-four witnesses in Wakawak, Cochin China, in 1863, the intent of which perjury being to rob a poor native widow and her helpless family of a meager plantain-patch, their only stay and support in their bereavement and desolation. Mr. Twain owes it to himself, as well as to the great people whose suffrages he asks, to clear this matter up. Will he do it?
偽證罪——馬克-吐溫先生現在既然在大眾麵前當了州長候選人，他也許會賞個麵子，說明一下他怎麽會在一八六三年在交趾支那瓦卡瓦克被三十四個證人證明犯了偽證罪。那次做偽證的意圖是要從一個貧苦的土著寡婦及其無依無靠的兒女手裏奪取一塊貧瘠的香蕉園，那是他們失去親人之後的淒涼生活中惟一的依靠和惟一的生活來源。吐溫先生應該把這樁事情交代清楚，才對得起他自己，才對得起他所要求投票支持他的廣大人民。他是否會照辦呢？
I thought I should burst with amazement! Such a cruel, heartless charge! I never had seen Cochin China! I never had heard of Wakawak! I didn't know a plantain-patch from a kangaroo! I did not know what to do. I was crazed and helpless. I let the day slip away without doing anything at all. The next morning the same paper had this--nothing more:
我覺得我簡直詫異得要爆炸了，這樣殘酷無情的誣蔑！我一輩子連見也沒有見過交趾支那！瓦卡瓦克我連聽也沒有聽說過！至於香蕉園，我簡直就不知道它和一隻袋鼠有什麽區別！我真不知道怎麽辦才好。我簡直弄得神經錯亂，不知所措。我隻好把那一天混過去，根本就沒有采取任何步驟。第二天早上，同一報紙上登著這麽一條（別的什麽也沒有）：
SIGNIFICANT.--Mr. Twain, it will be observed, is suggestively silent about the Cochin China perjury.
耐人尋味——大家都會注意到，吐溫先生對於那樁交趾支那的偽證案保持緘默，似有隱衷。
[Mem.--During the rest of the campaign this paper never referred to me in any other way than as "the infamous perjurer Twain."]
（附注——從此以後，在競選運動期中，這個報紙一提到我，惟一的稱呼就始終是“無恥的偽證製造者吐溫”。）
Next came the Gazette, with this:
其次是《新聞報》，上麵登著這麽一段：
WANTED TO KNOW.--Will the new candidate for Governor deign to explain to certain of his fellow-citizens (who are suffering to vote for him!) the little circumstance of his cabin-mates in Montana losing small valuables from time to time, until at last, these things having been invariably found on Mr. Twain's person or in his "trunk" (newspaper he rolled his traps in), they felt compelled to give him a friendly admonition for his own good, and so tarred and feathered him, and rode him on a rail; and then advised him to leave a permanent vacuum in the place he usually occupied in the camp. Will he do this?
敬請說明——新任州長競選人可否將下述事實經過向本市若幹迫切等待著給他投票的市民賜予說明，以釋群疑？他在蒙大拿的時候，和他同住在一間小房子裏的夥伴們時常遺失一些小小的貴重物品，後來這些東西通通在吐溫先生身上或是他的“皮箱”（他用來包裹身邊物品的報紙）裏找到了。於是大家為了幫助他改過自新，就不得不對他進一番友誼的忠告，所以就給他渾身塗滿柏油，粘上羽毛，讓他吃“坐木杠”的苦頭，然後就叫他永遠離開他在這個工棚裏所占的位子。這究竟是怎麽回事，他可以說明一下嗎？
Could anything be more deliberately malicious than that? For I never was in Montana in my life.
世間還能有比這更居心險惡的事情嗎？我是一輩子沒有到過蒙大拿的。
[After this, this journal customarily spoke of me as, "Twain, the Montana Thief."]
（從此以後，這個報紙就照例把我叫做“蒙大拿的小偷吐溫”。）
I got to picking up papers apprehensively--much as one would lift a desired blanket which he had some idea might have a rattlesnake under it. One day this met my eye:
於是我漸漸對報紙有了戒心，一拿起來就覺得提心吊膽——很像一個人想睡覺的時候去揭開床毯，可是腦子裏卻擔心那底下會有一條響尾蛇似的。有一天，我又看到這麽一段：
THE LIE NAILED.--By the sworn affidavits of Michael O'Flanagan, Esq., of the Five Points, and Mr. Snub Rafferty and Mr. Catty Mulligan, of Water Street, it is established that Mr. Mark Twain's vile statement that the lamented grandfather of our noble standard- bearer, Blank J. Blank, was hanged for highway robbery, is a brutal and gratuitous LIE, without a shadow of foundation in fact. It is disheartening to virtuous men to see such shameful means resorted to to achieve political success as the attacking of the dead in their graves, and defiling their honored names with slander. When we think of the anguish this miserable falsehood must cause the innocent relatives and friends of the deceased, we are almost driven to incite an outraged and insulted public to summary and unlawful vengeance upon the traducer. But no! let us leave him to the agony of a lacerated conscience (though if passion should get the better of the public, and in its blind fury they should do the traducer bodily injury, it is but too obvious that no jury could convict and no court punish the perpetrators of the deed).
謠言被揭穿了——根據五點區的邁克爾-歐弗蘭納根先生和水街的啟特-柏恩斯先生及約翰-亞倫先生三人宣誓負責的證詞，現已證明馬克-吐溫先生誣蔑我黨德高望重的領袖約翰-霍夫曼已故的祖父，說他是因犯盜劫罪被處絞刑的。這種卑鄙的說法是一種下流的無端的謠言，連絲毫事實根據的蹤影都沒有。像這樣毀謗九泉之下的死者並以讕言玷汙他們的令名的無恥手段，竟被人用以博得政治上的成功，這實在叫正人君子看了寒心。我們想到這種卑鄙的謠言給死者清白的家屬和親友們必然帶來的悲慟時，幾乎激動得要把受了汙蔑和侮辱的公眾鼓動起來，采取斷然行動，對誹謗者施行非法的報複。但是我們不這麽辦！還是讓他去受到良心的譴責而苦痛吧。（不過公眾如果讓感情的衝動占了上風，在盲目的憤怒支配之下竟至對誹謗者加以人身的傷害，顯而易見，陪審員是不能給這些激於義憤的人們定罪的，法院也不能對他們加以處罰。）
The ingenious closing sentence had the effect of moving me out of bed with despatch that night, and out at the back door also, while the "outraged and insulted public" surged in the front way, breaking furniture and windows in their righteous indignation as they came, and taking off such property as they could carry when they went. And yet I can lay my hand upon the Book and say that I never slandered Mr. Blank's grandfather. More: I had never even heard of him or mentioned him up to that day and date.
末尾那句巧妙的話居然大起作用，當天夜裏就有一群“受了汙蔑和侮辱的公眾”從我的房子前麵衝進來，把我嚇得連忙從床上爬起來，由後門逃出去。那些人滿腔義憤，來勢洶洶，一進門就搗毀了家具和窗戶，走的時候把能帶走的財物都拿去了。但是我可以把手按在《聖經》上發誓，我從來沒有誹謗過霍夫曼州長的祖父。不但如此，直到那一天為止，我還從來沒有聽說過他，也從來沒有提到過他。
[I will state, in passing, that the journal above quoted from always referred to me afterward as "Twain, the Body-Snatcher."]
（我要順便說一聲，從那以後，上麵所引的那個報紙就把我稱為“盜屍犯吐溫”。）
The next newspaper article that attracted my attention was the following:
其次一條引起了我的注意的新聞是這樣說的：
A SWEET CANDIDATE.--Mr. Mark Twain, who was to make such a blighting speech at the mass-meeting of the Independents last night, didn't come to time! A telegram from his physician stated that he had been knocked down by a runaway team, and his leg broken in two places--sufferer lying in great agony, and so forth, and so forth, and a lot more bosh of the same sort. And the Independents tried hard to swallow the wretched subterfuge, and pretend that they did not know what was the real reason of the absence of the abandoned creature whom they denominate their standard-bearer. A certain man was seen to reel into Mr. Twain's hotel last night in a state of beastly intoxication. It is the imperative duty of the Independents to prove that this besotted brute was not Mark Twain himself. We have them at last! This is a case that admits of no shirking. The voice of the people demands in thunder tones, "WHO WAS THAT MAN?"
好一個體麵的候選人——馬克-吐溫先生原定於昨晚在獨立黨的群眾大會上作一次中傷別人的演說，但是他不曾按時到場！他的醫生打來了一個電報，說他被一輛狂奔的馬車撞倒了，腿上兩處受傷——傷者在床上躺著，非常苦痛，如此這般，還編了一大堆這類的謊話。獨立黨黨員們極力要把這種卑鄙的托詞信以為真，故意假裝著不知道他們所提名為候選人的這個花天酒地的家夥之所以沒有來的真正原因。昨晚上分明有人看見一個人醉得不成樣子，一歪一倒地走進吐溫先生住的旅館。獨立黨黨員們有不容推卸的義務，應該趕快證明這個醉鬼並非馬克-吐溫本人。我們終於把他們難住了！這件事情是不容避而不談的。人民的呼聲響雷似的要求回答，“那個人究竟是誰？”
It was incredible, absolutely incredible, for a moment, that it was really my name that was coupled with this disgraceful suspicion. Three long years had passed over my head since I had tasted ale, beer, wine or liquor or any kind.
當真把我的名字牽連到這個不名譽的嫌疑上麵，一時實在令人難以置信，絕對難以置信。我已經整整三年沒有嚐過麥酒、啤酒、葡萄酒或是任何一種酒了。
[It shows what effect the times were having on me when I say that I saw myself, confidently dubbed "Mr. Delirium Tremens Twain" in the next issue of that journal without a pang--notwithstanding I knew that with monotonous fidelity the paper would go on calling me so to the very end.]
（現在我說起當初看到自己在那個報紙的下一期上被人確信地加上“酒瘋子吐溫先生”的諢名，竟能毫不感到苦惱——雖然明知那個報紙會要堅持不變地繼續這樣稱呼我，一直到底——這就足見當時的環境對我起了多大的作用。）
By this time anonymous letters were getting to be an important part of my mail matter. This form was common
這時候匿名信逐漸成為我所收到的郵件中的重要部分，普通的方式是這樣的：
How about that old woman you kiked of your premises which was beging. POL. PRY.
被你從你的公館門口一腳踢開的那個討錢的老太婆現在怎麽樣了？愛管閑事的人啟
And this:
還有這樣的：
There is things which you Have done which is unbeknowens to anybody but me. You better trot out a few dots, to yours truly, or you'll hear through the papers from HANDY ANDY.
你幹的事情，有些是除了我一人而外誰也不知道的。你最好識相一點，快給鄙人拿出幾塊錢來，要不然就會有一位大爺對你不客氣，在報紙上給你過不去。隨你猜敬啟。
This is about the idea. I could continue them till the reader was surfeited, if desirable.
大致的意思總是這樣。如果需要的話，我可以繼續舉出許多例子，直到讀者發膩為止。
Shortly the principal Republican journal "convicted" me of wholesale bribery, and the leading Democratic paper "nailed" an aggravated case of blackmailing to me.
不久，共和黨的主要報紙又給我“判了罪”——大規模的賄賂行為；而民主黨的權威報紙則將一樁大事渲染的訛詐案硬栽到我頭上。
[In this way I acquired two additional names: "Twain the Filthy Corruptionist" and "Twain the Loathsome Embracer."]
（就是這樣，我又獲得了兩個稱號：“肮髒的舞弊分子吐溫”和“可惡的訛詐者吐溫”。）
By this time there had grown to be such a clamor for an "answer" to all the dreadful charges that were laid to me that the editors and leaders of my party said it would be political ruin for me to remain silent any longer. As if to make their appeal the more imperative, the following appeared in one of the papers the very next day:
這時候輿論鼎沸，叫我“答複”對我提出的那一切可怕的控訴，以致我們黨裏的主筆和領袖們都說我如果再保持緘默，那就會使我在政治上垮台。好像是要使控訴更加顯得有勁似的，就在第二天，有一家報紙上又登出了下麵這麽一段：
BEHOLD THE MAN!--The independent candidate still maintains silence. Because he dare not speak. Every accusation against him has been amply proved, and they have been indorsed and reindorsed by his own eloquent silence, till at this day he stands forever convicted. Look upon your candidate, Independents! Look upon the Infamous Perjurer! the Montana Thief! the Body-Snatcher! Contemplate your incarnate Delirium Tremens! your Filthy Corruptionist! your Loathsome Embracer! Gaze upon him--ponder him well--and then say if you can give your honest votes to a creature who has earned this dismal array of titles by his hideous crimes, and dares not open his mouth in denial of any one of them!
注意這個角色——獨立黨的候選人還在保持緘默。因為他根本不敢說話。一切對他的指控通通充分證實了，他自己那種等於招供的緘默態度已經一再承認了這些罪狀，現在他是永遠也不能翻供了。獨立黨黨員們，請看你們這位候選人！請看這位聲名狼藉的偽證犯！這位蒙大拿的小偷！這位盜屍犯！仔細看看你們這位酒瘋症的化身！你們這個肮髒的舞弊分子！這個可惡的訛詐專家！睜開眼睛盯住他——把他仔細打量一番——然後再打定主意：像這麽一個敗類，他犯了滔天罪行，獲得了一大串晦氣的頭銜而不敢張嘴否認任何一個，你們是否可以把你們的規規矩矩的選票投給他！
There was no possible way of getting out of it, and so, in deep humiliation, I set about preparing to "answer" a mass of baseless charges and mean and wicked falsehoods. But I never finished the task, for the very next morning a paper came out with a new horror, a fresh malignity, and seriously charged me with burning a lunatic asylum with all its inmates, because it obstructed the view from my house. This threw me into a sort of panic. Then came the charge of poisoning my uncle to get his property, with an imperative demand that the grave should be opened. This drove me to the verge of distraction. On top of this I was accused of employing toothless and incompetent old relatives to prepare the food for the foundling' hospital when I warden. I was wavering--wavering. And at last, as a due and fitting climax to the shameless persecution that party rancor had inflicted upon me, nine little toddling children, of all shades of color and degrees of raggedness, were taught to rush onto the platform at a public meeting, and clasp me around the legs and call me PA!
要想擺脫這種攻擊，簡直沒有辦法，所以在深感羞辱之餘，我準備要“答複”那一大堆無稽的指控和那些下流而惡毒的謠言。可是我始終沒完成這個工作，因為就在第二天早上，又有一個報紙登出一個新的恐怖事件，再度的惡意中傷，嚴厲地控訴我燒毀了一個瘋人院，連裏麵所有的病人也給燒死了，為的是它妨礙了我的住宅的視線。這可使我陷入了恐慌的境地。然後又來了一個控訴，說我曾經為了奪取我的叔父的財產而把他毒死了，並提出緊急的要求，要挖開墳墓驗屍。這簡直把我嚇得幾乎要發瘋。這一切還不夠，又給我加了一個罪名，說我在棄嬰收養所當所長的時候，曾經雇用了一些掉光了牙齒的老邁無能的親戚擔任烹飪的工作。我開始動搖了——動搖了。最後，黨派相爭的仇恨加到我身上的無恥的迫害終於很自然地發展到了一個高潮：九個剛學走路的小孩子，包括各種膚色，帶著各種窮形盡相，被教唆著在一個公開的集會上闖到講台上來，抱住我的腿，叫我爸爸！
I gave it up. I hauled down my colors and surrendered. I was not equal to the requirements of a Gubernatorial campaign in the state of New York, and so I sent in my withdrawal from the candidacy, and in bitterness of spirit signed it, "Truly yours, once a decent man, but now
我放棄了競選。我偃旗息鼓，甘拜下風。我夠不上紐約州州長競選所需要的條件，於是我提出了退出競選的聲明；並且由於滿懷懊惱，信末簽署了這樣的下款：
"MARK TWAIN, LP., M.T., B.S., D.T., F.C., and L.E."
“你的忠實的朋友——從前是個正派人，可是現在成了偽證犯、小偷、盜屍犯、酒瘋子、舞弊分子和訛詐專家的馬克-吐溫。”
（來源：愛詞霸 編輯：Julie）
更多的評論請看：
難得一笑：中英對照： 馬克·吐溫短篇小說《競選州長》
我愛我家：中英對照： 馬克·吐溫短篇小說《競選州長》
----克林頓和希拉裏不是普通人，作為政治家和名人這種質疑要公開且明確是非。一個可以用簡單的科學手法證明的清白你都不去做？如何取信於世人？？？
----你的觀點是有前提的，那就是現階段。比如習某某上台之前的官方觀點就是：人權首先是生存權、發展權，不能脫離客觀現實空談人權。這種觀點我是可以認可和支持的。但是現在呢？剛有一點點成績就不知道天高地厚，沒吃三天素就想上西天去見大胡子了。現在的觀點是不以階段性說事，要堅持我就是對、要有自信。黨內健康力量的代表炎黃春秋、共識網等等都被取締或被八旗子弟紅二代的烏有之鄉所霸占。你同意“同意不民主就弊多利少”，但是紅二代們不同意，人家是出身論、血統論的天然支持者！人家不是現階段不要民主，而是永遠不要民主，這才是現實！！！
“不民主就弊多利少，萬萬不全的了！”
同意不民主就弊多利少，但在中國還不能完全民主，否則，天下大亂。
“克林頓的混血兒子多年前就要認親的，希拉裏攔著不讓驗DNA啊！”
憑什麽讓驗DNA？放在我身上，我也不讓。隨便一個什麽人都可以聲稱是名人的兒子，隻會有好處，沒有代價。
我不太相信克林頓有黑人私生子這件事
----這是舊文了。克林頓的混血兒子多年前就要認親的，希拉裏攔著不讓驗DNA啊！
----這篇舊文章現在讀來還是很應景的。不過，雖然“民主有利也有弊，不是萬全。”是沒錯的。但是不民主就弊多利少，萬萬不全的了！
民主有利也有弊，不是萬全。
丹鳳眼，彎月眉也是很不錯的嘛！
錦西石油5廠，石油6廠，鋅廠聞名全國。
興城古城，溫泉，海濱，4個島嶼，興城河，好地方。
美國政治係統穩定，最起碼不會發生政變，特別是軍事政變。
錦州，錦西，葫蘆島現在是3個不同的城市了，說明了遼西走廊大發展。