Anger can power you up to another level of competition only if you know how to channel the energy to your game, like Tennis legend great John McEnroe.
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How does anger show up in your behaviour…?? Passive aggression, explosive, avoidance??? What is it and how do you become more self aware around the impact of it on you and others?
1 Reply1 Reply
I find balancing perspectives and priorities helps to regulate emotions of all kinds. Asking myself if something is worth a reaction, does it matter to me, will it contribute to the outcomes I want? Does it have value in the long term, can I find a way around it, etc.
If the answers are mostly no, I walk away, not as avoidance, but to do things that are actually useful and progressive. If something isn't adding value, it isn't worth caring for, so it isn't worth fighting over. I would let it go and let the laws of nature decide it's fate.
That being said, I generally avoid people who are not self-aware. I am more cautious around them knowing they could act up at any minute. Whether as an individual, employee, employer or mentor, self-awareness is a prerequisite for me to invest myself in anything.
Lacking self-awareness manifests as drama, self-sabotaging tendencies, lack of focus, diverting from set objectives and triggering others. Chances of successfully executing progressive ideas are very low. Everything becomes a poor compromise of the envisioned outcome.
I would rather avoid such situations than spend all my time troubleshooting and cleaning up preventable messes.
If the answers are mostly no, I walk away, not as avoidance, but to do things that are actually useful and progressive. If something isn't adding value, it isn't worth caring for, so it isn't worth fighting over. I would let it go and let the laws of nature decide it's fate.
That being said, I generally avoid people who are not self-aware. I am more cautious around them knowing they could act up at any minute. Whether as an individual, employee, employer or mentor, self-awareness is a prerequisite for me to invest myself in anything.
Lacking self-awareness manifests as drama, self-sabotaging tendencies, lack of focus, diverting from set objectives and triggering others. Chances of successfully executing progressive ideas are very low. Everything becomes a poor compromise of the envisioned outcome.
I would rather avoid such situations than spend all my time troubleshooting and cleaning up preventable messes.
How does anger get the better of you?
1 Reply1 Reply
The popular saying, " In order for you to insult me, I will first have to value your opinion." puts things in perspective.
Living consciously and purposefully creates subconscious lists of value systems and priorities. The threshold for anger increases as we realise that not everything or everyone is essential for our goals. Once people prove themselves to not be reliable or useful, we mentally write them off.
All the contrary choices and actions are expected so we are not caught off guard. There is nothing to react to except laugh at how accurate our predictions of their hypothesised behavior in various situations are.
It sounds strange, but what could have been a potential trigger may turn out to be quite amusing and enlightening depending on our mindsets, goals, and perspective. We can only be disappointed if we expected better from people or situations. Being realistic about what people show us of themselves resolved many issues.
Living consciously and purposefully creates subconscious lists of value systems and priorities. The threshold for anger increases as we realise that not everything or everyone is essential for our goals. Once people prove themselves to not be reliable or useful, we mentally write them off.
All the contrary choices and actions are expected so we are not caught off guard. There is nothing to react to except laugh at how accurate our predictions of their hypothesised behavior in various situations are.
It sounds strange, but what could have been a potential trigger may turn out to be quite amusing and enlightening depending on our mindsets, goals, and perspective. We can only be disappointed if we expected better from people or situations. Being realistic about what people show us of themselves resolved many issues.
(edited)
Niven Postma thanks for your post - it inspired mine!
We don't just wake up angry, but anger is part of one of our emotions.
It should not last more that 30 seconds, and extinguished within minutes. However, the more perfectionist we are, the more sensitive to the incompetence that infiltrates our organization thus an outburst. Eliminate the incompetent subject, and all is well
It should not last more that 30 seconds, and extinguished within minutes. However, the more perfectionist we are, the more sensitive to the incompetence that infiltrates our organization thus an outburst. Eliminate the incompetent subject, and all is well
9 Replies9 Replies
Thank you for the post. I agree with the points you have raised. Passive-aggressive tendencies tend to mask unresolved, underlying anger issues in many people.
The ability to listen and appropriately regulate emotions are severely impaired. Unfortunately, people in authority may see it as a right to act however they want and others have no choice but put up with it. So no introspection or self-work is done. Instead, the assumption is that others are always at fault. Even when it is obvious something is wrong.
In the end, well-balanced people become emotionally unavailable or if they have a choice, they will become physically less available. Which reduces opportunities for growth of the teams and organizations.
Self-awareness is essential for people to notice the shifts within themselves and others. Otherwise, denial may become the order of the day.
The ability to listen and appropriately regulate emotions are severely impaired. Unfortunately, people in authority may see it as a right to act however they want and others have no choice but put up with it. So no introspection or self-work is done. Instead, the assumption is that others are always at fault. Even when it is obvious something is wrong.
In the end, well-balanced people become emotionally unavailable or if they have a choice, they will become physically less available. Which reduces opportunities for growth of the teams and organizations.
Self-awareness is essential for people to notice the shifts within themselves and others. Otherwise, denial may become the order of the day.
1 Reply1 Reply
I love this description and share. Thanks for your deep reflection and consideration and sharing it with others
Thanks for sharing this wonderful article on Anger Management in the best way.
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Surya Susan Bijoy lovely. I’m in Australia. My parents lived in Dubai for some time. I enjoyed it there
Great post, Sarah McGregor!
In today's times, anger and forgiveness are vital subjects. If we don't understand them, society will get imbalanced.
Anger is like the poison we drink and expect the other person to die.
In today's times, anger and forgiveness are vital subjects. If we don't understand them, society will get imbalanced.
Anger is like the poison we drink and expect the other person to die.
1 Reply1 Reply
Absolutely so true. It is and it creates all sorts of systemic challenges we now face for humanity!
Thanks for your comment! Hope you are well
Thanks for your comment! Hope you are well
What a wonderful quote Sarah McGregor and all wrapped up in a terrific post - Employing a good level of EQ as a leader helps create a positive work environment; noone likes walking on egg shells around their leader!
1 Reply1 Reply
Yes that’s so true. Walking on eggshells is not the best. Thanks for sharing that insight
Anger hurts our mind, heart, and soul.
1 Reply1 Reply
Sure does. Thanks for your support and thoughts!
So true
1 Reply1 Reply
Sarah! Never be ruled by anger!
1 Reply1 Reply
Beautiful. ???????????? Let it go - and soar. ♥?
1) Who is drawn to you - not just at work but in life!
2) How you respect yourself (particularly if you stop punishing yourself!) and what you choose for yourself.
3) Your focus shifts from problems to opportunities far faster.
4) You will know yourself better - what underlies it and where it stems from. That way you can work with it when you feel it rising as opposed to it controlling you and you only being reactive.
5) It’s triggered quickly in the brain as a fight, flight, feeeze response but it’s not always strategic. I say not always-as some healthy strategic provocation can shift the dynamic of the status quo but only when managed with emotional intelligence.
6) You can lose quality people, high performers in your business and those you want in your life can disappear.
7) As EQ has become one of the most sought after skills over IQ, it smacks of an inability to emotionally regulate. As a leader, if you get significantly triggered go do the work. One offs are manageable but consistent long term behaviour speaks louder about capability & capacity to adapt.
8)And I often notice Anger prevents Active Listening, shines the light on your Ego, and diminishes the opportunity for effective communication.
And these ones here are super important…
9)The energy you emit from Anger speaks louder than words. Even if you think it, many people sense it. So if you manage your mind, you have far more conscious choice about what you want to create instead of your environment owning you.
10)Just because you perceive someone else’s actions as a mistake… does not make it such. It could be a blessing for the business. The challenge is when you are stuck in the heat and tension of the anger to the point of significant destabilising disequilibrium, you may fail to see any opportunities in what you perceive a mistake.
Regardless, let’s start looking at mistakes as lessons to learn and grow and ‘Opportunities’ beyond all else. It’s amazing what can eventuate when the shit hits the fan…
#opportunity #EQ#wellbeing#consciousleadership#adaptivecapacity#resilience#burnout#mentalhealth