I agree with the premise that it is better to stay single than marry someone unsupportive. But...Men or non-binary humans don't need a supportive spouse? I'm struggling to understand the narrow lens. It might make sense in a women's magazine but in the Harvard Business Review?
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大學校園,幾萬男女,卻找不到可婚那位,緣與份,可遇不可求 - Mystery!
==
Professionally ambitious women really only have two options when it comes to their personal partners — a super-supportive partner or no partner at all.
(edited)
4 Replies4 Replies on Ryan Dubois, M.Ed.’s comment
Christina Long Ahhh.
The support from men at work…that’s the issue, not necessarily the man at home.
That can be frustrating for some women.
What makes that even worse is they not only getting lame support from a lot of males at work, there’re getting undercut in many quiet and invisible ways.
I get it.
Thank you for pointing out your valid perspective.
The support from men at work…that’s the issue, not necessarily the man at home.
That can be frustrating for some women.
What makes that even worse is they not only getting lame support from a lot of males at work, there’re getting undercut in many quiet and invisible ways.
I get it.
Thank you for pointing out your valid perspective.
I sorta agree.
We men are slow at some things not because we are innately slow but because we don’t prioritize them.
Asking a potential mate if he could see himself prioritizing, say in the top three….your career ambitions, and you get an emotional yes as he puts his wine glass down, you’ve got a good start.
Now your due diligence kicks in and his sincerity gets put on display.
After the 3 dates, one of which will be cancelled because of a work issue, his others lights will get turned on….or stay off.
Oh, and yes, from my perspective, this topic is an important issue for women.
To be their best in the workplace and find a suitable and fun loving partner requires great awareness and understanding.
We men are slow at some things not because we are innately slow but because we don’t prioritize them.
Asking a potential mate if he could see himself prioritizing, say in the top three….your career ambitions, and you get an emotional yes as he puts his wine glass down, you’ve got a good start.
Now your due diligence kicks in and his sincerity gets put on display.
After the 3 dates, one of which will be cancelled because of a work issue, his others lights will get turned on….or stay off.
Oh, and yes, from my perspective, this topic is an important issue for women.
To be their best in the workplace and find a suitable and fun loving partner requires great awareness and understanding.
(edited)
Off the mark. If you’re in a partnership, of any description, it should be ‘supportive’ and meet the needs of both partners. How is your gender correlated to, or dictates the expectations or requirements of support from your partner?!
1 Reply1 Comment on Lise Sperling’s comment
Lisa unfortunately from your comment is is apparent you didn’t read the article.
I'd have thought this is an absurd and depressing suggestion. Can you not have high ambitions personally and professionally? If you are a high achiever, you will find a way through to find a compatible partner if you want one. And whatever your gender, surely supporting your partner is pretty much a sacrosanct rule? I found that article overly negative and apportioning blame to a certain gender. Life and career is all about trade offs with all relationships whether professional, personal, intimate or otherwise. Quite surprised it made the cut on HBR
“Professionally ambitious women really only have two options when it comes to their personal partners - a super-supportive partner or no partner at all. Anything in between ends up being a morale- & career-sapping morass.
Fill the VACuum for better balance at home.
V - Vision
Discuss long-term personal & professional goals early, & revise regularly. Lack of alignment & mutual support between couples can derail entire life strategies. Be clear about what support will be required & expected to achieve these goals & where it will come from.
A - Active listening
Introduce regular sit-down listening sessions. Dedicated, face-to-face, concentrated, unspeaking, listening to everything your partner needs to say. Repeat back what you heard. Adjust as necessary & switch.
C - Comments & feedback (aka flattery)
Everyone appreciates feedback; 5 positive comments for every “constructive” one. Everyone love to be admired, especially by their intimate partners.
Retaining women, at home & at work, takes skill & self-awareness.
Adapted from HBR article, ‘If You Can’t Find a Spouse Who Supports Your Career, Stay Single’ by Avivah Wittenberg-Cox
Fill the VACuum for better balance at home.
V - Vision
Discuss long-term personal & professional goals early, & revise regularly. Lack of alignment & mutual support between couples can derail entire life strategies. Be clear about what support will be required & expected to achieve these goals & where it will come from.
A - Active listening
Introduce regular sit-down listening sessions. Dedicated, face-to-face, concentrated, unspeaking, listening to everything your partner needs to say. Repeat back what you heard. Adjust as necessary & switch.
C - Comments & feedback (aka flattery)
Everyone appreciates feedback; 5 positive comments for every “constructive” one. Everyone love to be admired, especially by their intimate partners.
Retaining women, at home & at work, takes skill & self-awareness.
Adapted from HBR article, ‘If You Can’t Find a Spouse Who Supports Your Career, Stay Single’ by Avivah Wittenberg-Cox
(edited)
No,no,no,no .... Same way, If you will be a employee to your boss, oops "husband" for maKe childs, clean and cook and will need abandoned your dreams, future and career, shut down and be single and happy creature. This sexist era passsed away ????!! By the way, thats a very bad point of view for 2021, when everybody needs colaborative act, no matter who, husband, wife, kids, parents or friends. No one needs a toxic relationship!
GREAT article!!!
(edited)
What a horrible advise? This is completely ridiculous. You cannot equate a spouse to a job! Marriage is a great institution. Comparing a human dimension to life with job satisfaction is simply undermining and abusing the institution. We talk gender balance in organisations… the same should be encouraged in life partnering as well. There are thousands of family oriented successful women like Indira Nooyi… As HBR you should support for successful women in career as well as in family… instead you resort to running away from challenge and offer scrap solution… incredible!
(edited)
Interesting article. I tend to agree with the premise. I would think that any developing relationship would talk this through before committing. When my wife and I married 49 years ago we assumed the traditional roles of marriage. Today with those traditions have changed and it is imperative that planning and communication about careers be in the forefront. I would say that dual career relationships add a greater degree of complexity to a relationship. That fact that throwaway relationships are common and divorce rates greater than 50% i agree with the author. if your career comes before your relationship then stay single.
You need an intelligent prediction tool to identify this type of future spouse
1 Reply1 Comment on Dr. Hari Nair, PMP®’s comment
Partners relate better when their emotions are aligned with each other. Human emotions can be too erratic. I doubt if any intelligent prediction tool will work.
評論
TJKCB
2021-10-28 13:03:15
回複
悄悄話
Why? So be it.
==
張愛玲的經典愛情美句語錄讀議（三十一）
姚順
姚順????????
2021-10-27 03:10
閱讀: 86
張愛玲的經典愛情美句語錄讀議（三十一）
125、一個知己就好象一麵鏡子，反映出我們天性中最優美的部分。
議：老婆不知己，但知道得很準，你和誰知己。
知己者，互相秀自己好看的，悄悄的。
在網上看到罵自己話的，談不上知己，可常常是提個醒：別忘了，你是個啥東東！
發“人生得一知己足矣”感慨之日，也是開撕自己之時。以為。“自己的嘛嘛，怎麽像沒password，為其盡悉？”之疑，悄然升起，小確幸，也小悻悻。
知己，多是話說得投機的成色，那話常常也就是一句半句的。
求知己比“認識你自己”，是非常本質的文明差異。求知己，是串門。“Let me be alone”，是認識自己。
找知己，優美之處在於，在人類的群居性已被泯滅於盡時，還想著找個伴兒。
找知己，是要去做美容，那師傅是唯一的。他從不說自己醜在哪兒。做完後，自覺美得不行，同時也知道不是這樣的。
找知己，走向孤獨，但還不。屈原決定投江，阮玲玉自殺，才是孤獨。所以，求知己，別裝苦嘰嘰的樣，當美滋滋的。因為，這是精品店的消費水平。
兩個人一旦完全重合，另一個就廢了。就是這回事。找到知己後，自己仍全須全尾，他也是，這就對了。克隆，很慘烈！
“話”，知己。幾個不是？“在冰冷的水中，有人托了自己一下。一直不知是誰。一直在找。”有這相遇的，幾個？喜歡後者，縱然無言。
有時，挺怕知己的。
心裏，其實不希望有知己。
曾為找不到知己慶幸過嗎？
張愛玲與胡蘭成，是她知他，他以為知她。做為外人，退遠了看，他倆，兩股道上跑的車。就是看相：胡蘭成，，江南一帶頂級質量的酸sir ；張愛玲，淪落到吃救濟，也是千古一女。把張胡看了，把張愛胡說讀遍，會以為，“知己”真的就是麵哈哈鏡，哈哈自己一會會吧！
真心喜歡的是：各持自己的響應，不必觸膝的示意，無論如何叫起來都覺得是悄悄話；不伴，但陪；沒聲，聽得見；無限，沒有；淡淡的，總在；不問“懂啦？”也不問“收到啦？”；電子糾纏，測不準。
會覺得司馬遷知己，自己知道他，不多，可感覺上總以為知道得不少；
一回也沒有在詩詞裏有知道的感受，五千年曆史並不虛無，於自己，它在哪兒，沒有霧霾厚，卻有那種渾；
和張愛玲，又麵熟來又麵生。好想碰到，碰到也不敢“喝杯咖啡好嗎？”會盯著她的照片看了又看，會有一絲絲的感傷。
126、替別人做點事，又有點怨，活著才有意思，否則太空虛了。
議：有時，會寫寫毛筆字，小字。有種退出生死群的感受。
曾很在意過寫得好不好。忽然自問：你覺得呢？自己居然愣住了。
拿著毛筆這早已功成身退的傢夥，像捏著一段時間的兩端，會覺得某種出離。筆轉墨遺，不是寫，而是過；早知當初，為何今日？篇竟，筆頭心頭，茫然然得一片。
寫毛筆字還有這道好，意外。
退群，有點過。退兩步回顧，應當。勇往直前，久了，變成一根筋，回都回不去。走走，停停。正常人，都這樣。
問題是：停下，你有個篷子嗎？用毛筆寫小字，可當篷用，蠻自得。
過出意義和回看時也看出意義，都挺重要。 以為。
127、書是最好的朋友。唯一的缺點是使我近視加深，但還是值得的。
議：於我，看點不在說的，在寫的這白話的道地。
文言，煉字。“如怨如訴如泣如慕”，“登臨送目”“馬作的盧飛快，弓如霹靂乍驚”，紅樓夢，聊齋，後來的新白話魯迅俞平伯沈從文鍾阿城王朔，都有這手功夫。
也沒什麽不好。煉，是技術活。人工痕跡明顯不說，還很容易流於玩弄。一套《古文觀止》上下兩冊，下冊差不多全是弄辭。“愛你沒商量”和平眼下文章裏多以網語顯與時俱進一樣，還是那手藝，換個樣子耍。
張愛玲的白話，不講這手藝。她的功夫在用不能再簡約的平易，寫出精準對頭的感受。
張的白話，常有女孩的聰絕靈透。不是一個字，一句話“絕了”，而是my God, 可以這樣想，這樣說。接著，眼前一亮，真多了。
不是她用白話，而是白話幸運地遇到她。覺得。張愛玲白話幾乎是沒繼承的，白話到她筆下，像是相遇，兩個不用打招呼就交頭接耳說女人話了。
故而，張愛玲的白話，不源於白話文運動，源於她自身。張愛玲不寫白話，寫啥？
蘇青是不是也這樣呢？徐誌摩林徽因冰心等，都是選用白話的。覺得。
總在猜，自幼雙語並用的張愛玲，當在英文裏得到透亮，她又聰絕，把漢語嫁接上，長出別人那裏沒有這重明白卻不膚淺的白話。
==
張愛玲的經典愛情美句語錄讀議（三十一）
姚順
姚順????????
2021-10-27 03:10
閱讀: 86
張愛玲的經典愛情美句語錄讀議（三十一）
125、一個知己就好象一麵鏡子，反映出我們天性中最優美的部分。
議：老婆不知己，但知道得很準，你和誰知己。
知己者，互相秀自己好看的，悄悄的。
在網上看到罵自己話的，談不上知己，可常常是提個醒：別忘了，你是個啥東東！
發“人生得一知己足矣”感慨之日，也是開撕自己之時。以為。“自己的嘛嘛，怎麽像沒password，為其盡悉？”之疑，悄然升起，小確幸，也小悻悻。
知己，多是話說得投機的成色，那話常常也就是一句半句的。
求知己比“認識你自己”，是非常本質的文明差異。求知己，是串門。“Let me be alone”，是認識自己。
找知己，優美之處在於，在人類的群居性已被泯滅於盡時，還想著找個伴兒。
找知己，是要去做美容，那師傅是唯一的。他從不說自己醜在哪兒。做完後，自覺美得不行，同時也知道不是這樣的。
找知己，走向孤獨，但還不。屈原決定投江，阮玲玉自殺，才是孤獨。所以，求知己，別裝苦嘰嘰的樣，當美滋滋的。因為，這是精品店的消費水平。
兩個人一旦完全重合，另一個就廢了。就是這回事。找到知己後，自己仍全須全尾，他也是，這就對了。克隆，很慘烈！
“話”，知己。幾個不是？“在冰冷的水中，有人托了自己一下。一直不知是誰。一直在找。”有這相遇的，幾個？喜歡後者，縱然無言。
有時，挺怕知己的。
心裏，其實不希望有知己。
曾為找不到知己慶幸過嗎？
張愛玲與胡蘭成，是她知他，他以為知她。做為外人，退遠了看，他倆，兩股道上跑的車。就是看相：胡蘭成，，江南一帶頂級質量的酸sir ；張愛玲，淪落到吃救濟，也是千古一女。把張胡看了，把張愛胡說讀遍，會以為，“知己”真的就是麵哈哈鏡，哈哈自己一會會吧！
真心喜歡的是：各持自己的響應，不必觸膝的示意，無論如何叫起來都覺得是悄悄話；不伴，但陪；沒聲，聽得見；無限，沒有；淡淡的，總在；不問“懂啦？”也不問“收到啦？”；電子糾纏，測不準。
會覺得司馬遷知己，自己知道他，不多，可感覺上總以為知道得不少；
一回也沒有在詩詞裏有知道的感受，五千年曆史並不虛無，於自己，它在哪兒，沒有霧霾厚，卻有那種渾；
和張愛玲，又麵熟來又麵生。好想碰到，碰到也不敢“喝杯咖啡好嗎？”會盯著她的照片看了又看，會有一絲絲的感傷。
126、替別人做點事，又有點怨，活著才有意思，否則太空虛了。
議：有時，會寫寫毛筆字，小字。有種退出生死群的感受。
曾很在意過寫得好不好。忽然自問：你覺得呢？自己居然愣住了。
拿著毛筆這早已功成身退的傢夥，像捏著一段時間的兩端，會覺得某種出離。筆轉墨遺，不是寫，而是過；早知當初，為何今日？篇竟，筆頭心頭，茫然然得一片。
寫毛筆字還有這道好，意外。
退群，有點過。退兩步回顧，應當。勇往直前，久了，變成一根筋，回都回不去。走走，停停。正常人，都這樣。
問題是：停下，你有個篷子嗎？用毛筆寫小字，可當篷用，蠻自得。
過出意義和回看時也看出意義，都挺重要。 以為。
127、書是最好的朋友。唯一的缺點是使我近視加深，但還是值得的。
議：於我，看點不在說的，在寫的這白話的道地。
文言，煉字。“如怨如訴如泣如慕”，“登臨送目”“馬作的盧飛快，弓如霹靂乍驚”，紅樓夢，聊齋，後來的新白話魯迅俞平伯沈從文鍾阿城王朔，都有這手功夫。
也沒什麽不好。煉，是技術活。人工痕跡明顯不說，還很容易流於玩弄。一套《古文觀止》上下兩冊，下冊差不多全是弄辭。“愛你沒商量”和平眼下文章裏多以網語顯與時俱進一樣，還是那手藝，換個樣子耍。
張愛玲的白話，不講這手藝。她的功夫在用不能再簡約的平易，寫出精準對頭的感受。
張的白話，常有女孩的聰絕靈透。不是一個字，一句話“絕了”，而是my God, 可以這樣想，這樣說。接著，眼前一亮，真多了。
不是她用白話，而是白話幸運地遇到她。覺得。張愛玲白話幾乎是沒繼承的，白話到她筆下，像是相遇，兩個不用打招呼就交頭接耳說女人話了。
故而，張愛玲的白話，不源於白話文運動，源於她自身。張愛玲不寫白話，寫啥？
蘇青是不是也這樣呢？徐誌摩林徽因冰心等，都是選用白話的。覺得。
總在猜，自幼雙語並用的張愛玲，當在英文裏得到透亮，她又聰絕，把漢語嫁接上，長出別人那裏沒有這重明白卻不膚淺的白話。
登錄後才可評論.
Ryan Dubois, M.Ed. out of network3rd+Mortgage Loan Originator at First Colony Mortgage