Chapter 18: A biggest lie
Dan hasn’t heard from Mei for about a week. He thought she probably was a little mad with him canceling dinner. He’s been busy helping Sarah to update her resume; she would need to get a job if she wanted to move out of her parents’ house someday.
Dan wasn’t trying to hide Sarah from Mei on purpose, he told himself once Sarah got back on her feet he would back off. He thought maybe he could surprise Mei with 2 tickets to a Michael Buble concert to make up for last Saturday.
He finally called Mei on Friday, hoping to schedule something for the weekend and that’s when he found out about the accident and how Mei has been recovering at home for a couple of days. He went frantic, and asked why she never called him. He didn’t even wait for her to answer before driving over to her house.
Tammy opened the door, and pointed toward the bedroom, “She’s doing much better now.”
Dan headed directly in and saw Mei sitting in bed with the right arm in a cast. Her round face now is showing a pointy angle; her color is a little gray, not with the usual peachy undertone. She saw Dan and welcomed him with a fragile smile, “Hello, Dan. See I told you I am OK now.”
Dan was too furious to smile back right now. He walked over and sat on the side of the bed, “Mei, why didn’t you call me?”
Mei had never seen Dan this angry. It is not that he raised his voice or anything like that; it’s the look on his face and the seriousness of his tone that has put a mountain of guilt over her shoulders. Especially that Mei wasn’t sure herself why she never called him, “I am sorry Dan. I didn’t want you to worry. Besides, I am really OK now.” She reached over with her left hand to hold his, and tried to swing her right arm within the limited mobility she had, “see, I bet they will take this thing off in a couple of weeks.”
Dan immediately stopped her right arm from moving, “Be careful! Stop that!” He made sure Mei’s arm was back to where it should be and sat closer so she’s within his reach. With his hands moving gently up and down her hair, Dan finally spoke again after a long silence: “Mei, look at you… I should have been there for you… I want to be there for you… I…” his voice was softer this time, almost too quiet for Mei to hear, and it broke at the end.
Mei saw tears came down Dan’s face. She felt her eyes getting wet as well. “Dan, I am sorry…” That’s all she could say before Dan carefully pulled her into his arms. Dan’s heartbeat was clear and strong; Mei felt safe and protected in his embrace. She closed her eyes and heard Dan murmur: “Please don’t ever do that to me again, Mei, promise me… Mei, promise me…”
Dan stayed until so late that Tammy almost had to kick him out. They worked out a deal that he would come back early morning and stay during the weekend to give Tammy a break.
“So, what are you going to do?” Tammy was being perfectly serious about her question as soon as Dan left the apartment.
“What do you mean? I would like to go to bed…” Mei tried to dodge the bullet by giving out a big yawn and stretching her one good arm.
“Since when you think going to bed can be used as an excuse with me?” Tammy’s voice stayed stern, only a smirk had climbed up her face, “No missy, not even when you are sick! What are you going to do? Are you going to tell Dan about Jesse?”
“No!” Mei stopped Tammy right there, “There is nothing to tell. I told you Jesse is my boss and he has a fiancé. And that’s that.” Mei realized her voice became quite emotional; she took a deep breath and turned her head towards the window, almost as speaking to herself, she signed, “Why chase after something that’s impossible? Everyone has their own place in this world, and mine belongs with Dan.”
“But how do you know that?” Tammy heard the pain in Mei’s voice and protested: “Mei, how are you always so sure about things? Or is it just your excuse for not having to try?”
Mei was a little shocked to hear that from Tammy, she suddenly felt exposed and needed to fight back: “Tammy, are you suggesting that I go tell my boss to break his engagement? How should I make my case, uhm, let’s see, ‘Hey Jesse, I think I am prettier; or how about I love you more; or how about I have a richer Dad..’”
“That’s enough!” Tammy snapped at Mei, clearly annoyed. “I saw how you and Jesse looked at each other. You are playing with fire now and someone will eventually get hurt. Whatever decision you are so sure of, I just hope it will turn out better than with Scott!” With that she walked out the bedroom and shut the door behind.
Mei stared at the door for a long time without moving. Why did she have to bring up Scott? Tammy was the only one that knows about Scott Pere, Mei’s boyfriend for two years when they were both graduate students at UNC. That was the best two years in Mei’s life. They were young, naïve, and loved each other to death. Mei had it all planned out in her head that after graduation they would get married and settle somewhere in the suburbs; she would work to support the family while he pursued his PHD and eventually became a college professor.
Everything seemed perfectly on track until they received their diploma. With the recession, a major in Food Science couldn’t get either of them a job. Mei didn’t think twice but did what she had to do to stay in the country – stay in school to work on a second degree in IT. Scott, on the other hand, was a free spirit and a dreamer, exactly why Mei fell in love with him in the first place.
He said he needed a break from school to find out what he really wanted to do in life. Not being able to find a job gave him the perfect opportunity to try out his childhood dream of becoming a surfer. He told Mei they can get married and move to California, maybe wait tables for a while to get by and just chill out for a couple of years.
To Mei that was the biggest joke she had ever heard. She did not come all the way here to US and worked so hard so she could wait tables. She always had discipline, knows what her goal is and how to get there. It was absolutely unacceptable for her to just “go with the flow and see where life leads them”.
They argued and fought, and that didn’t go anywhere. Both of them were miserable but they loved each other too much to end the relationship. Mei thought she needed to be the brave one so she told the biggest lie of her life that she didn’t love him anymore. He didn’t believe her at first but she made it pretty convincing.
Scott left with a broken heart, and Mei cried for weeks.
About 5 years later Mei saw Scott again at a coffee shop in Raleigh, they chatted like old friends. Mei found out Scott had moved back, was happily married and had a daughter named May. Before they said goodbye Scott asked her: “I just need to know whether you meant it? That you did not love me anymore.” She didn’t want to interfere with his family and told him yes. She was a big mess after that and kept having dreams about how she told him she never stopped loving him for all these years. Then, the following year at a reunion she learned that Scott was killed in a car accident just 3 months after their meeting.
