Getting Back Together After Divorce

A girl friend went through divorce at a similar time.  Hers occured in a relatively shorter period of time, two years  vs my journey of six years.  She has been experiencing lots of emotional ups and downs -- more downs than ups.  She has doubts on her decision.  She runs around busy as usual, but deep down is struggling both physically and emotionally --  she needed sleeping pills at night; she has constant cold; she has bad stomach cramps...
After one of her recent email to me, I wrote her the following:
xx

I'm so so sorry for all the emotional ups and downs that you have to go through.  I can imagine how much harder it would be if I had to see my ex so often.  Time does heal, sooner or longer. 

I understand that deep down you wish the wound heal and all is well.  I think it's natural to feel that way.  Maybe most of us go through that step, however briefly or at length.

 I want to preach caution about getting back together though.   Getting bacl together after divorce does not make problems you had while you were in the marriage dissappear.  The only thing that will make a difference is your own state of mind and how much you are willing to settle for the rest of your life, if he stays with his worst behaviors.  Never count on others to make changes; only count on your own willness to change.

Is he sad and depressed only because your divorce or partly his work too?  If you get together and his work still does not take off, would he be happy or do you have to live with his ever lasting sadness, depression, and whatever childish behaviors that pop up due to sadness and depression again.   

Things are not perfect for me either, but I am happier now.  I have a bit more uncertainty with my financials, but I'm willing to work on.  I don't want to look back.  I trust myself for taking the steps at the moments I took, even if I do not recall all the details and may not even agree with some of my decisions then.   Time changed, and so did tide.  Judging previous behavior is never quite fair or acurate. 

Even in a scenario where there was a mistake, there must have been a valid reason for that mistake to occur.  I can not guarrantee it would not happen again if the situation is allow to relapse.  I believe there is never a total mistake when it comes to emotional issues. 

I wish the divorce never happened and never needed to happen in my life, but I do not regret my decision to divorce. 

xx, words and thoughts have power.  Think positive, even if it does not feel all natural at first.   

The reality is that you are so bright, pretty, considerate and charismatic.  You have all the potentials and you deserve a a happy and emotionally fullfilling life no matter what your decision is.  Find a place where your heart is at peace.  Money and others are secondary.  If you are not happy yourself, it's hard to help your own family too. 

This email sounds so much like preaching and cliche, but I hope you understand how much I hope you are out of the dark shadow.

Take care!