拜年了！-- memories of my hometown

拜年了！- 夢回故鄉

— 2024年春節於美國大煙山

今天是2024年的除夕，我提著兩個小小的紙燈籠到湖邊走了走，拍了幾張照片，夕陽照在安靜的湖麵，山水相逢之處蜿蜒無盡的萬家燈火，山脈起伏雲霧繚繞，和我的家鄉竟然有些相似。

 

但這裏沒有春節的熱鬧，沒有大紅燈籠，沒有鞭炮齊鳴，沒有殺豬宰羊，沒有涉水千裏舟車勞頓必須趕回吃的大年夜飯，沒有家家戶戶的小姑娘兒穿著新衣新褲新鞋子，頭上紮著紅色鍛麵蝴蝶結，喜氣洋洋地踢毽子，跳房子，跳橡皮筋。

 

那是我的故鄉回憶，我離開已經40多年了。 

 

我的家鄉在山清水秀的湖南西部，離沈從文的宅子不太遠。我的父係祖先據說是浙江過來的，爺爺的父親當年是位有名的鄉紳，日本人來之後他為了保護村民，不得不和日本人合作，這段曆史一直跟著我的父親，對我父親的仕途和人生追求有很多影響，但我的父親從來沒有抱怨過，他隻提過唯一的一次，說祖爺爺很聰明，很能幹，對鄉親們很好。

 

祖爺爺有三個兒子，我的大爺爺，親爺爺，三爺爺，他們在村裏麵最好的地方，建有一長條房子，前院從西到東有100米多長(注：中國的鄉村房子，沒有現代基礎設施）。

 

我的親爺爺住在西邊最大的一幢房子裏麵，記憶中有並排5間房，裏麵隔開有10個房間，房子前麵是很長的街沿（porch)，後院是菜園和果園，夏天的時候我去祖父家喜歡鑽黃瓜篷摘新鮮的黃瓜，菜園邊緣栽有桃樹，李樹，棗樹，石榴樹，花開的時候非常漂亮，淺粉色的桃花映著藍天，HOT PINK的石榴花嬌豔欲滴，白色李花一見忘俗。我長大後，經常會做一個夢，夢裏自己還是一個小姑娘，穿著媽媽做的粉色的夾襖，站在桃花李花樹下的小溪畔，陽光照得花和水透亮，小姑娘白裏透紅的笑臉也透亮。

 

粉紅夾襖的小姑娘在爺奶家很受鍾愛，幾乎每天都會給她蒸雞蛋羹，時不時還給她做湯圓吃，有酒糟湯圓（奶奶姑姑自己做的甜酒煮湯圓），還有肉湯圓（肉餡調的過程和餃子差不多），肉湯圓個頭很大的，煮熟像個小豬，一個就能吃飽。還有桃子李子各種蔬果。三叔和小叔叔很會抓魚，經常也有魚吃。日子過的不錯，但我還是會經常想念爸爸媽媽，特別是傍晚的時候尤其想，想得心裏痛眼睛痛。這種感覺現在偶爾也會出現，我在地球這一邊，想念故鄉故人的時候，心也會痛眼睛也會痛。

 

我的父親是大學畢業生（當地人管他叫太學生—比大學生還要好一點），母親也上過師範院校，都是國家幹部，知識分子，住在城裏，小城是曆史悠久的通商口岸，當地的大碼頭，東來西往的船隻集聚在這裏打棧，通往大碼頭的街道是兩條寬闊的斜街，快到渡口的時候合二為一，沿著石板鋪成的台階，下到渡口，小時候覺得台階很寬，很多，很陡。

 

城裏居民隻有2-3萬，幹淨的青石板小街和河邊一排排的吊腳樓。春天的梅雨季節，大人出門鞋子外麵套著木屐，撐著紅色的油紙傘，青石板的街道上塔塔的木屐聲音，和著滴滴答答的雨聲，難忘。一條大河把小城和綿延的青山隔開，有長長的寬寬的河灘，機帆船突突聲聲不絕，對岸山裏有時候深夜也能看到簇簇燈火，據說是用數字命名的工廠。每天早晨各地的人來趕早市，各種自家種的水果，蔬菜，白蘭花，各種手工製品（大人穿的繡花鞋墊，小孩子戴的繡花的珠珠帽子，小孩子的繡有各種動物圖案的鞋子，小孩子的銀項圈，銀腳鈴鐺），放在籮筐裏擺在街邊，還有甜酒湯圓，糯米粑粑，米粉，米豆腐，米糕，各種早餐供應。

 

沿河的街道上很多小小的商鋪，傍晚來臨的時候最是容易見到令人驚豔的正值韶華的女孩子，膚色吹彈可破，眼睛似星星閃亮，拖著長長的辮子，身姿苗條婀娜，穿戴樸素大方。

 

感恩我故鄉的詩意，對我美育的啟蒙。我一直以來衣著堅持幾種固定風格，其中一種就是致敬故鄉，休閑的粉白，藍白色的花衣裳，穿著就有回到故鄉青石板街上跳橡皮筋的快樂。

 

小城東西向的街道除了沿河的大街，中央有一條大道，很寬，有路燈，晚飯後“壓馬路”（俊男美女散步）一般都去這裏，國營的百貨店，飯店, 醫院，電影院，高中學校，等都在這條街上。據說這條街解放前屬於D家的，這家人很多都去了台灣美國，留在城裏的隻有二房的妻子，老太太一個人帶著4個子女，2兒2女。後來我碰到了這家人，因為他們家的長女成我了我繼母。我的繼母D會計，很斯文，卷卷的短發襯著小小的圓臉，白白的，瘦瘦的，說話柔柔的很輕聲，喜歡看書，愛美，我家裏一直訂了“大眾電影”這個雜誌，也是她喜歡。我第一次見她是她去我就讀的高中看我，送了我一雙連褲的透明尼龍襪，當年是稀罕物兒。我一直等到上大學才穿，記得上大學之前打包，我把這雙襪子拿出來說：媽媽，你說大漢口的人更時髦漂亮嗎？她定定地看著我說：妹姐，漂亮人走到哪裏都是漂亮人！很感謝她和我的惺惺相惜。

 

也有小時候城裏漲水的記憶，有一年漲了大水，街道上都是小舢板，我和妹妹，還有表伯家的玲玲躲在閣樓上，似乎並不害怕，吃著很多零食，還唱歌，最後是大人來把我們抱下去到街上的小舢板船上，街道上那天都是小船，我們小孩子不懂，還覺得好玩。

 

後來修了很高的防洪大堤，沿河的吊腳樓就都拆了，渡口也不複原樣。

 

小城在曆史上舉辦的龍舟賽很有名，當地還有各種歌謠吟唱龍舟節的盛況，但我出生的年代已經沒有龍舟賽了，所以我小時候沒有見過。

 

最熱鬧的當然是過春節。

 

街上熙熙攘攘的人群，方圓幾十裏的人都會來城裏辦年貨，逛百貨店，看電影，我們的電影院很氣派，地基很高，要上好多台階才可以到買票口，門口一排電影海報，都是文化館的聶先生所畫。逛街的人都穿的很整齊，街上的米粉店，湯圓店，飯店，都可以看到紮著蝴蝶結的鄉下來的小姑娘們，她們往往拉著爸爸媽媽的手，羞怯地看著我們這些她們心中的城裏人，有的鄉下小姑娘長得很好看，典型的南方小姑娘的秀氣圓圓小臉，漆黑的眼眸，一笑還有酒窩。

 

大年夜一般回鄉下的爺爺家裏過，爺爺有4個兒子，一個女兒，一大家子守歲，吃年夜飯，家裏有一個烤火的大火坑，大家圍坐聊天，比賽寫春聯顯身手，看誰的字好看，春節也最是父親幾個兄弟比賽下象棋的好時光。大年夜肯定要守歲的，一直守到大年初一的黎明，天剛蒙蒙亮就把睡覺的孩子們從被窩裏麵抓起來，穿上棉襖棉褲，到外麵放鞭炮，拜天地，然後回屋給長輩拜年，發壓歲錢。

 

當地的習俗，初一不出門，初二拜丈人。大年初二，路上到處都是年輕的夫妻帶著小孩子，挎著竹籃子，裏麵是點心，雞蛋，紅糖等禮物，他們是去看妻子的父母，拜年。

 

過年每天都是大魚大肉，各種點心，各種玩樂，歡聲笑語，那樣幸福團圓歡樂的氣氛空氣中都聞得到。

 

當然也有遺憾的事情。我的遺憾就是：過年之前興奮地盼啊，盼啊，但一到過年，什麽好吃的我也吃不下，媽媽說我是“年飽”，看著大魚大肉，沒吃就飽了，為什麽會“年飽”？ 小時候的我真是百思不得其解。

 

現在的我，即便不是過年，看到大魚大肉，和豐盛的食物，也吃不下，看看就已經飽了。

 

應該是人老了，或者我，要老了。

 

少小離家，老大不歸，“買花載酒長安市，又爭似、家山見桃李。不枉東風吹客淚。相思難表，夢魂無據，惟有歸來是”。

 

故鄉，春節，故鄉的春節，終究定格，留在我反複的夢境裏。在夢裏，我回到故鄉，依舊是當年穿粉紅夾襖的小姑娘兒，穿過青石板街，來到渡口，跑啊，跳啊，心被幸福膨脹到飛起來。

 

我的故鄉，我少時的朋友，摯愛的家人，2024年了，在這裏給你們拜年！

 

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Today is The Eve of lunar dragon year 2024. I carried two small paper lanterns and walked to the lakeside and took a few photos. The setting sun shone on the quiet lake, and the shimmering lights of hundreds houses were meandering where the mountain and river met. The rolling mountains, the undulating clouds and mist are somewhat similar to my hometown.

 

But there is no bustle of the Spring Festival here, no red lanterns; no firecrackers; no pigs and sheep; no New Year’s Eve dinner that people rushed back to, after wading thousands of miles; no little girls from every household wearing new cotton jacket, new pants and new shoes with red forged bow on her hair, happily playing shuttlecock, hopscotch, and rubber band dancing.

 

Those are memories of my hometown. It has been more than 40 years since I left.

 

My hometown is in the beautiful western part of Hunan, not too far from Shen Congwen's house. My paternal ancestors are said to have come from Zhejiang. My great grandfather was a famous country squire. After the Japanese came, he had to cooperate with the Japanese in order to protect the villagers. This period of history has always followed my father and has had an important impact on my father’s official career. It also has many influences on life pursuits, but my father never complained. He mentioned only once that my great grandfather was very smart, very capable, and good to the folks.

 

My great grandfather had three sons: my great uncle#1, my biological grandfather, and my great uncle #3. They built three house adjacent to each other at the best part of the village. The front yard was more than 100 meters long from west to east (Chinese farm houses, no modern amenities).

 

My biological grandfather lived in the largest house at the west side. In my memory, there were 5 rooms side by side, with 10 rooms separated inside. There was a long porch in front of the house, and a vegetable garden and an orchard in the backyard. In the summer, I would visit grandfather’s garden and like to pick fresh cucumbers under the cucumber canopy. There were peach trees, plum trees, jujube trees, and pomegranate trees planted on the edge of the GARDEN. They were very beautiful when bloom. The light pink peach blossoms reflected the blue sky. The pomegranate flowers of HOT PINK were so delicate, and the white plum blossom pure and dainty. I often had a dream after I grew up. In my dream, I was still a little girl, wearing a pink cotton jacket made by my mother, standing by the creek under the peach and plum trees. The sunshine made the flowers and water translucent, and the little girl’s pink cheek and face are also bright and shining.

 

The little girl was very much loved by her grandparents and uncle and untie. She was served with steams egg custard almost every day, and grandma made her glutinous rice balls from time to time, including glutinous rice balls with distiller’s grains (glutinous rice balls cooked with sweet wine made by grandma and aunt herself), and glutinous rice balls with meat. (The process of preparing the meat filling is similar to that of dumplings). The meat Tangyuan were big and looked like a little pig after cooked. One would make me full. There were also peaches, plums, and various fruits and vegetables. The third uncle and the youngest uncle were good at catching fish, and we often had fish on table.  Life was going well, but I still remember how I missed my parents, especially in the evening. Thinking about them made my heart hurt and my eyes hurt. This feeling still occurs occasionally now. I am on the other side of the world, and when I miss my hometown and my friends, my heart and my eyes hurt.

 

My father was a college graduate (the locals call him a Taisheng - a bit better than a college student), and my mother also went to a normal college. They were both state cadres and intellectuals. They lived in the city, a port town with a long history of trade. The port is the local large wharf. Ships from east and west gather here to dock. The streets leading to the big wharf are two wide diagonal streets. They merge into one when approaching the ferry. Follow the steps paved with stone slabs. Walking down to the ferry when I was a child, I felt that the steps were very wide, many, and steep.

 

There are only 20,000 to 30,000 residents in the port city, with cobblestone streets and rows of stilted buildings by the river. During the spring rainy season, adults wear wood and leather clogs outside their shoes and hold red oil-paper umbrellas when they go out. The sound of clogs on the cobblestone streets, combined with the sound of dripping rain, is unforgettable. The wide river separates the port town from the rolling green mountains. There is a long and wide river beach, and the sound of motor cargo boats is heard constantly. Sometimes in the mountains on the other side, clusters of lights can be seen late at night. It is said that they are factories named with numbers. Every morning, people from all over the villages come to the morning farmer’s market. All kinds of home-grown fruits, vegetables, and white orchids are placed in baskets along the street. There are also sweet wine glutinous rice balls, glutinous rice cakes, rice noodles, rice tofu, rice cakes, etc. A variety of breakfasts are served.

 

There are many small shops on the streets along the river. In the evening, it is easiest to see striking gorgeous girls in their prime, with flawless complexions, eyes shining like stars, and long braids. They had slim and graceful figure and were dressed simply.

 

I am grateful for the poetic hometown which enlightened my aesthetic education. I have several fixed styles of clothing, one of which is to pay tribute to my hometown, casual pink and white and blue and white print clothes. When wearing them, I feel like I am back to the cobblestone street dancing with rubber bands.

 

In addition to the east-west streets along the river, there is a broad avenue in the city, which is wide with street lights. After dinner, “showing on the road” (handsome men and beautiful women taking a walk) usually go here, state-owned department stores, restaurants, hospitals, movie theaters, and high schools. , etc. are all on this street. It is said that this street belonged to the D family before liberation. Many of this family went to Taiwan and the United States. The only one who stayed in the city was the second son’s family. Everyone was gone but the second son’s wife with four children, two sons and two daughters. Later I met this family because their eldest daughter became my stepmother. My stepmother D was an accountant. She had natural short curly hair that framed a small round pale face. She speaks softly. She liked reading and making things pretty. She subscribed the magazine of “popular movies” and we had piles of this magazine in our home. The first time I met her was when she went to visit me in my high school and gave me a pair of transparent nylon pantyhose, which were a rarity back then. I waited until I went to college to wear it. I remember packing before I went to college. I took out this pantyhose and said, Mom, do you think people in Hankou are more fashionable and beautiful? She said firmly: Sister, let me tell you, beautiful people are beautiful wherever they go! She looked at me with an unmistakable look in her eyes, and I was very grateful for her kindness to me.

 

I also have memories of floods in the city when I was a child. One year there was a huge flood, and the streets were filled with small sampans. My sister, my cousin Lingling and myself hid in the attic. We didn’t seem to be afraid and ate a lot of snacks. We also sang, and finally the adults came to carry us down to the small sampan boats on the street. The streets were full of boats that day. We children didn't understand, but we still found it fun and very exited.

 

Later, a very high flood control embankment levy was built, all the stilted buildings along the river were demolished, and the ferry was no longer what it was before.

 

The “dragon boat race” held in this port town was very famous in history. There are also various local songs singing the grand occasion of the dragon boat festival. However, there was no dragon boat race in the era when I was born, so I never saw it when I was a child.

 

The most lively time is of course the Spring Festival.

 

The streets are bustling with people. People from a radius of 10s of miles come to the city to do New Year shopping, visit department stores, and watch movies. Our movie theater is very grand and has a high foundation. You have to go up many steps to get to the ticket booth. There is a row of movie posters on the wall. The posters were all painted by Mr. Ye from the Cultural Center. People shopping are all neatly dressed. In the rice noodle shops, glutinous rice dumpling shops, and restaurants on the street, you can see little girls from the country wearing bows. They often hold the hands of their parents and look at us shyly. Some country girls are very good-looking, with a typical southern girl’s delicate, round face, dark eyes, and dimples when she smiles.

 

We usually spend New Year's Eve at my grandfather's house in the countryside. My grandfather has four sons and one daughter. The whole family stays up late and eats New Year's Eve dinner. There is a big fire pit at home. Everyone sits around and chats. They compete in writing Spring Festival couplets to show off their calligraphy skills. Whose calligraphy looks better? The Spring Festival is also a good time for my father and his brothers to compete and play chess. On New Year's Eve, we must stay awake until the dawn of the first day of the Lunar New Year. At dawn, Adults grab the sleeping children from under the quilt, put on their cotton jackets and trousers, go outside to set off firecrackers, worship heaven and earth, and then go back to the house to Elders pay New Year greetings and give out lucky money.

 

It is a local custom not to go out on the first day of the Lunar New Year, but to pay homage to your father-in-law on the second day of the Lunar New Year. On the second day of the Lunar New Year, the roads were full of young couples with their children, carrying bamboo baskets containing snacks, eggs, brown sugar and other gifts. They were visiting their wives’ parents to pay New Year greetings.

 

Every day during the Chinese New Year there is big fish and meat, all kinds of snacks, all kinds of fun, and laughter. The atmosphere of happiness, reunion, and joy can be smelled in the air.

 

Of course there are regrets. My regret is: I look forward to and look forward to it with excitement before the New Year, but when the New Year comes, I can’t eat anything delicious. My mother says that I am “full for the New Year”. I feel full even if I look at the big fish and meat without eating. Why is it "full every year"? As a child, I was really puzzled.

 

Now, even if it's not the Chinese New Year, I can't eat it when I see big fish, big meat, and sumptuous food. I feel full just by looking at it.

 

It should be that people are getting old, or I am getting old.

 

When I was young, I left home. Now I am growing older, is there a road hometown to make my life a circle? I am afraid the answer is no, I have been like a bird who lost her feet so the only way is to keep flying. 

 

My hometown, the Spring Festival, the Spring Festival in my hometown have finally been fixed in my recurring dreams.

 

My hometown, my childhood friends, and my beloved family, it’s 2024, and I’m here to wish you a happy New Year!